Coming Out To Old Friends

[Guest Riana]

I've been inspired by Aylen's topic, and I've been wondering if I should tell an old friend from highschool about my gender problems and my desire to transition. A lot of people have said if there is no reason to tell, don't tell. But he has been the best and most supportive friend I've ever had, he was the only person I ever trusted to accept me as I am. And he's the only highschool friend I still have any contact with (almost ten years later) so that must mean something. I could probably go without telling him, but I just want to say it for some reason. I just don't know if it makes sense to...

[JJ]

Riana,

Each of us approaches this differently depending on our personalities and I don't think there is a right or wrong. I am a person who wants everything to be open in my life. Who can't feel really close to someone with a secret between us. An\d who feels that to be meaningful my friendships have to be based on who I really am. So I tell anyone in my life that I will have an ongoing relationship with. I do not tell the clerk in the store or the casual acquaintance unless I have a compelling reason.

Others feel differently and their way is right for them as mine is for me. Anyone who says there is just one way to do something-their way -is wrong in my opinion. We all have the right to live as own own conscience dictates first and foremost. Not based on anyone else's opinion or rules. Sure we can be guided by advise and opinions but at the end of the day it is your life.

So if you want to tell then my advise is to do so as long as you are prepared for the possibility that it can also turn out badly, It is very difficult to predict people's reactions. But it does seem in many cases our close friends figured it out before we did or just accept us as we are so it turns out well. But not always. It is always something to keep in mind. Not always.

Good luck with whatever you decide

Johnny

[Guest Aylen]

Riana,

Thank you for letting me touch your heart. It sounds like you have pretty good friend there. If he is supportive of you and knows "something about you is different", then I can see why you want to tell him. Just think about the angles more closely before you do. He may be fine with it, or it could take him sometime to understand it. Like JJ said, It could go either way.

I had to clear the air between him and I. It wasn't right for me to keep this secret any longer from him. He has always trusted me and looked up to me. I just felt it was time.

Please be cautious

Love Aylen

[Guest Riana]

I don't know if he knows something about me is different, though. We rarely speak anymore and when we do it's on MSN. I only saw him a few more times since school. So I think it would mostly be about whether he noticed a difference when we still saw each other in class.

[Guest Miss_Construe]

trust your gut

april

[Guest Riana]

I... don't know how. I've never really trusted my gut. I'm still learning.

[Guest Fiarlia]

Woman's intuition, get practicing, girl! ^_~

In all seriousness, I Johnny hit the nail on the head (like always, he's such a great guy). It's all up to you and what you feel is right, but from what you've said, it sounds like you're not super keen on the idea of telling him, but more that you'd feel bad if you don't. Going with your gut in this sense would be more like upholding your morals - whatever they may be, as it seems this is where your dilemma rests. Either way, I hope it turns out well if you tell him, and I hope it turns out well for you if you don't.

[Guest Riana]

Well... I told him.

And he's totally accepting! He said he wasn't entirely surprised, he said I did always seem feminine to him but he hadn't suspected I was gender dysphoric. Still a compliment I suppose, if only because it shows I hid it so well? He was also very curious and asking me about things and how I feel, he didn't seem knowledgeable but he was genuinely interested about it. He also tried to offer help and suggested possible alternative explanations, which always makes me a bit nervous when people do that. And for some reason it's always the non-transpeople who try to do that. Aw well.

I'm not really surprised he was accepting, I always did trust him and it seems I still can. I don't know where this will go, we might never see each other again anyway. But this is the fourth person from my real life who knows about me now. I guess that's a step. Oh and we talked about the future a bit as well, and we talked about what my other former classmates and teachers would say. A reunion? A very scary thought. But I can't help but smile at the idea of going there years from now, as a woman, and waiting for someone to go OMG is that you??!

Oh, happy dreams...

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

CHA-CHING!

You win this one, Honey.....that's really heart warming.....

Each time gives you more confidence....

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Julie T]

Rianna

That is so ood. I did something similar, I came out to my two high school male best friends. And they accepted me. It is a good feeling is it not?

As a funny note, I did not have to come out to my best male friend in college because she came out to me. Oh my, we never knew.

Julie