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By Sally Stone · Posted
Post 13 “My Compartmentalized Life” In the interest of “full disclosure” I thought I should point out that my part-time life is also a very compartmentalized life. Long time friends and close family don’t know Sally. Most of the acquaintances I have made as Sally, have never met my male persona, and only a few close friends, know both personas. It sounds complicated, I know, but it happens to fit my current transgender lifestyle. But, how did I get here? It started years ago when I didn’t know why I felt like a girl. The only choice I thought I had, was to keep my feelings, and the crossdressing that went along with it, a closely guarded secret. My Army career forced me to be even more guarded, so the need for secrecy became a habit. Later, I wanted to emerge from my closet. I wanted Sally to experience the world but because I still didn’t understand my true transgender nature, I wasn’t ready to share my feminine side with people I knew. As Sally’s social life expanded, it was only natural that her circle of friends and acquaintances would also expand. This resulted in a situation where suddenly, I was simultaneously in and out of the closet. My transgender life had become compartmentalized. Again, because I didn’t know where my trans journey was taking me, keeping my feminine side a secret from close friends and family, was still the logical choice. I knew the situation might change if my destination was going to be full transition, but I decided to cross that bridge if or when I came to it. It would be many more years before I understood completely, my trans nature. When it became clear to me that I could be happy and fulfilled living my life as a part-time woman, I didn’t have to cross the full transition bridge. And, because I had become quite adept at keeping my two lives compartmentalized, I saw no benefit to changing things. I was walking in two completely different worlds. My male persona had his world with his acquaintances, and Sally had her own world, with her own acquaintances. For a very long time those two worlds didn’t overlap, but a few years ago, that changed. Through my New Jersey dinner group, Sally became close with a couple, one trans, the other her spouse. My wife became good friends with them as well. We went out together often, and because our friends only knew me as Sally, I always presented to them that way. That was until one time, when my wife and I had a commitment earlier in the day that made it impossible for me to transform before we were scheduled to meet our friends for dinner. My first reaction to the situation was to cancel. I had this overpowering aversion to letting them meet my male persona. My wife convinced me that my concern was silly. Still, I was so spring-loaded to maintaining my compartmentalized life, I actually called my friends to ask them if they would be okay meeting my “alter-ego.” As if they would have said no. It was a ridiculous concern, and of course, they were actually perfectly happy to meet my “other half." It turned out that letting our friends meet and interact with my male persona wasn’t as terrifying as I had imagined, and since that initial reveal, I have come out the same way to more of Sally’s close friends. It’s easier now, but still not natural for me. I’d still rather Sally’s friends interact only with Sally. I guess all the years of compartmentalizing my two personalities, has formed a habit that I struggle to break. When it comes to family and longtime friends, they only know my male persona, and based on my current trans lifestyle, I have no plans to introduce Sally to them. There just isn’t anything about the way I live my life right now, that would make it necessary. I won’t deny that sometimes, because I’m hiding a big part of my personality, I feel like a bit of a fraud. After all, they aren’t seeing all of the real me. I do sometimes struggle with this conflict. On the one hand, I want everyone to know the real me but on the other hand, why run the risk of alienating family members or long-time friends when it isn’t absolutely necessary? Believe it or not, there have been some in the trans community, that have argued I’m not actually trans since I haven’t gone through the ordeal of coming out to family and friends, that I haven’t experienced the one true transgender right-of-passage. I know it has been way more difficult for those who have had to face the coming out challenge with friends and loved ones, but the level of difficulty one experiences doesn’t define someone’s level of transness. In a future post, I’ll reflect on an incident when I was called out publicly for not being trans enough, and how it affected my confidence and self-worth. I do have some family members and longtime friends that I have seriously considered coming out to, and I may follow through at some point. But again, because I am part-time, the timeline for doing so is really up to me and my comfort level, instead of a matter of necessity. It’s obvious that unlike so many in our community, I haven’t had to “face the music.” I know how gut-wrenching and life changing coming out to close acquaintances can be, so I do consider myself fortunate. It is important to note that I have not chosen a part-time trans life just to avoid the pain and tribulations of coming out. Living part-time honestly has to do with not having to choose between one personality over the other, because ultimately, I could never be happy or fulfilled if I had to choose only one. Yes, my life is seriously compartmentalized, with Sally in one compartment and my male persona in another. Based on where my trans journey has taken me up to this point, and where it looks like it is headed in the future, I don’t anticipate much of a change. Walking in two worlds is a choice that works for me. I know I am different, but each of us is, so I don’t think I need to make any apologies for living my life this way. Hugs, Sally -
By MaeBe · Posted
Mourning the Boy As I sit Pants at the knees The first tear hits Rolls down a slender wrist A wave of loss So profound As I come To mourn the passing Of the boy A boy that once was -
By VickySGV · Posted
This was from my May 2018 Face Book post and a friend of mine IRL asked to use it on a blog spot for the Personal Stories Project which is an effort of love for he and his husband. From Diversity To Sameness, A PRIDE Meditation May 21, 2018 It is Pride season again, and on Saturday I was at the Pride event in Long Beach CA to help out the San Gabriel Valley LGBTQ Center which I volunteer at these days. This was the first of several events I will be going to over the next few weeks, and others stretching over the next month or two. One of the people I was with made the comment that “We really are a diverse group here!!” The comment got me thinking, and re-opened my eyes to something that has amazed me in the relatively few years I have recognized that I am part of the LGBTQIA**** (the letters keep adding on) alphabet soup of life that does and will exist. My friend was right about the scope of the diversity that does exist and is on display at Pride events without shame and yes, with PRIDE in what and who each individual really is. To many people Diversity is one of those concepts that ranks up with blasphemy against a deity and the most horrendous of demons the Evil One (human imagination) has ever created. A person who is different is to be hated, feared, shamed and made valueless. The fear of diversity fuels minds to pull away from others, and to protect themselves by taking on feelings of superiority and exclusiveness above the different person. For the most part people with those feelings are good people in many many ways, but the fear and false god of superiority they have created masks that goodness terribly. At Pride events such as the one I was at, the diversity is so intense and so visible that after a moment or two the differences become the sameness of those who participate in them. We celebrate our differences to achieve our sameness and oneness by mentally stripping off the visual differences that at first overload us and can be dizzying to the point of a feeling of sickness for some who fit the pattern I described above. With the sameness we become even more aware of the other person’s humanity, and begin to look for the good elements that we share and find them more readily. Our conversations become how to help each other and take that helpfulness beyond those immediately with us. We reassure ourselves of our value, and explore new ways to add to that value in all ways, not just for ourselves, but those of our fellow humans who fear us and thus hide themselves deeper and deeper from the good that we could share fully. The LGBTQIA**** margin is not the only place where this can be present. The reason for other Pride events such as cultural gatherings of people “othered” and devalued, or even those of persons with what are declared to be disabilities, or mental diversity do the same thing, and people of different margins, as well as those who consider themselves “mainstream” are invited to submerge themselves in those groups by the same process of celebrating the diversity that will create the sameness of humanity. One group though who has suggested that it hold massive “Pride” events does not suggest their pride to be a celebration of diversity within that group, but rather enforced rigidity of an imagined sameness for only that group. Where that has been tried in recent months, there has been universal tragedy in many ways, the least of which has been murder. A celebration of false arrogance and even more false superiority is a hell on earth, and not a thing of pride, only of tears that they are afraid to show. I could have been in this last group believing it’s agenda and set of beliefs, but I was not allowed to be there because of something strange and wonderful in me that I did not accept about my life for over 50 years until it was to celebrate or die with my Gender Dysphoria. Today it is so “ordinary” for me to see inside of the differences in the outsides of people that I forget the lesson I relearned this past week. Pride and Peace be in your lives. -
By VickySGV · Posted
I for one am actually pleased with how this one played out. Local issues need to remain local and I am not on the States Rights bandwagon for all cases. The facts of the matter did not constitute a case or controversy since the plaintiffs did not show actual or immediately impending harm to their children. Now if the parents can show that the child had developed some type of sleep and eating disorder because they were in a bathroom with a Trans child or are involved in self harm over the idea (which is probably the parent's doing and not the school) then there might be something of a case or controversy for the court to take up. I have six text books on U.S. Constitutional Law grinning down evilly at me that all say the SCOTUS should avoid this type of case, and shows where they have done it consistently for a couple of centuries. -
By Ladypcnj · Posted
When I was a kid growing up, I was considered the baby sibling of the family. I was often the last to know of everything, and since I wasn't old enough just yet to stay home by myself, I had to tagged along with my family members who drove their cars, this included going to church. I never knew other religions existed; all I knew was about the teachings of Christianity. It's easy to join a church, but what if things aren't what it appears to be than what is preached? Strange things began going on at the church in which group leaders didn't want the news media to know about it, such as an almost drowning during a baptizing among other things. The preacher/minister began to sense I wanted out of the cult. Followers that was nice to me in the beginning, was now talking behind my back, not encouraging me to find another church that I would feel more spiritually connected to. -
By Ivy · Posted
An option to opt out is one thing, but removing the content entirely (for everyone) is something different. I don't think it's beneficial to isolate one's kids from the broader culture since they are going to have to live in it eventually. If something about it bothers you, you need to explain why. Pretending it doesn't exist is a disservice to them. In my (and my ex's) more conservative past, we considered homeschooling. But we also realized our kids had to live in the broader culture and needed the socialization. Two of my adult children do homeschool now. I have mixed feelings about that. Another of them is a public school teacher. I personally would prefer that scarce resources not be diverted from public education. The current move against public education bothers me. For many kids it's all they have. -
By April Marie · Posted
Looking in the mirror brings joy. The woman smiles back at me. -
By Charlize · Posted
Perhaps a bit of light might exist if i look at this as a further verification that simply disliking the existence of a school's policy is not a reason to sue. The rights of these parents or their children are not harmed. They simply cannot dictate policy because of dubious beliefs. Hugs, Charlize -
By Mmindy · Posted
Life has its twist, and who knows what the future holds. She may only want to know your family and medical history’s long term chronic health history. Then again she may become your biggest supporter in your current life situation. I am an optimist. So much so that if you put me in a room full of puppy poo, I’m going to look for the puppies. Hugs and best wishes, Mindy🌈🐛🏳️⚧️🦋 -
By Charlize · Posted
Managing a support group takes a great deal of work. When i found this site there were ,to my knowledge, only 2 sites that supported anyone whose gender was out of the "norm". I had searched before and only found porn. i'd almost given up. I hope that you are finding what you need here. Hugs, Charlize -
By RaineOnYourParade · Posted
This also isn't necessarily trans-positive in itself. They're just saying the case doesn't have strong enough ground to sue because the plaintiff didn't bring enough evidence to court. Basically, that could mean that, rather than not wanting to do the case, they feel that there is insufficient information given to do so. By leaving the suit be, it also leaves no precedent for future cases to be built off of. This just leaves holes for court to get messier in the future. Precedent is essential in all types of cases. Giving a ruling, one way or another, would be pretty essential to building cases of the same nature in the future. By letting this go, they aren't really supporting trans people -- they're just dismissing the issue all together, which, in reality, doesn't help either side of it. -
By RaineOnYourParade · Posted
I don't personally agree with people opting out of LGBT education, but I suppose it would depend on the context it was taught in. Parents do have the right to opt their children out of sex ed and such for various reasons, so if it was taught in line with sex ed (which would make sense, as those classes also cover puberty as well as sometimes relationship health, so it would be about in-line with how heterosexual students are taught about their own types of relationships), I would understand them then being able to opt out. Similarly, parents often have options to opt their child out of reading books with "disturbing" content, so if the novels chosen for LGBT discussion have a large focus on homophobia/etc., an opt-out option might be made available due to the intensity of the content rather than the content itself. I've seen these for books like To Kill a Mockingbird and All-American Boys that discuss racism in-depth, as some parents might not be comfortable with their child/teenager reading intense content. I disagree with the choices to opt-out of reading these books since I think they're important, but I do understand why they're provided. So, I think whether an opt-out option would be provided for these topics would depend on the way that they were presented. I didn't see anything in the article saying where the topics were being presented (though correct me if I'm wrong). Are they being talked about in sex ed or in content that may be considered disturbing? In that case, it wouldn't necessarily be LGBT-phobic legislation, per se -- It's about in line with what is in line for dozens of topics.
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