Not Feeling Welcome Here At All...

[Guest Darcie]

Well, this is my fifth or sixth posting and I have no idea if any of my previous ones were "approved" as there has been no sense of welcome or confirmation of anything.

I'm starting to feel that I am simply not welcome.

I've made several sincere initial posts, haven't had any sense of confirmation the posts are even received. There's been zero sense of welcome or confirmation.

I probably don't have to tell anyone here, including Laura and her staff that rejection is not easy to bear. Especially when one is just starting down the path to full transition and could use the support of a community that ostensibly is supposed to be there.

Perhaps its only Laura's precautions which, I can fully appreciate, but am beginning to think might be overly excessive even to the point of discouraging new and very sincere members.

Do I have to ask my internationally respected SF Bay area gender therapist authenticate me in writing to be "approved" on this site?

Someone, please let me know what is going on here with all that I've posted so far. Why nothing is showing up and why no one seems to care if I participate or not.

I'm beginning to feel regret for having invested my thoughts and time on this site.

Darcie

[Guest JaniceW]

Darcie,

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I checked and your posts have recieved 5 and 2 replies each and some of them are very welcoming and positive. Have you seen the replies?

You are very welcome here and we are very happy you have found this place.

[Guest Reina]

What time have you been posting at? Late at night the posts take forever to be approved, sometimes it even takes an hour or two.

[Guest ~Sammi~]

Hi Darcie.

Im Sammi, Assistant Chat Director.

You know that the forums arent the only section to our site don't you my sweet? If you are finding that the forums are a little slow for you, why dont you pop over to chat and come test out the waters for real life interaction. We welcome all new members to chat and do what we can to ensure that you all feel welcome. Please if you do pop into chat, just give the rules of chat a quick read for me and expect a short interview when you first log in, all new members go through it, Its just another way to help you feel welcome and to introduce you to the other chatters. I hope to see you over there soon

Sammi

Chat Link

[Guest Krisina]

Like Reina has mentioned it can depend on what time you post. Your posts are up there and Laura doesn't have staff. Volunteers check over these things and late night posts can take as long as until late morning to show up sometimes.

Welcome to Laura's and don't take the delay in the posts as something against you personally it happens to all of us k

Krisina

[Carolyn Marie]

Darcie, I am very sorry that you're not feeling welcome here. Aside from this thread, you've only started two others, which received a total of 7 replies and 134 views. The replies have been very supportive and kind. One thing you need to understand about the Forums is that most threads receive only 1 reply for every ten views. That is very typical. Please don't judge us by the number of replies. People who read your posts and the replies to them are getting something very valuable out of it.

You haven't done a real introduction yet. Why not tell us a little more about yourself so we can get to know you, and you us?

I think you will find this to be a very welcoming place. We have great members here who care about each other. But please don't expect 20 replies to every topic. It doesn't happen for any of us.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Julie T]

Darcie, as a moderator here, I was distressed to read that you feel unwelcome. I am sure this has happened before, possibly with people writing Laura privately, but in the two years and seven month I have been here on Laura's Playground, this is the first complaint of this type I have seen in the forum. So something odd must be going on. I wanted to see what that might be, so lets look at it, okay?

Well, this is my fifth or sixth posting and I have no idea if any of my previous ones were "approved" as there has been no sense of welcome or confirmation of anything.

Your posts before writing this one numbered four. There were two topicas and two reply posts written by you. This topic is number five.

I'm starting to feel that I am simply not welcome.

Looking at your two previous posts, you received two and five replies, and many views on both. You have already received replies here in this topic, and mine will be number six, but this topic needs a lot of discussion so there may be a large number of replies, I think.

Reading all seven of your replies on the first two topics, it seemed to me you were enthusiastically welcomed and supported, especially on the therapist report. I just don't see were you have been ignored, at least not by our usual standards, so there must be something else going on.

I've made several sincere initial posts, haven't had any sense of confirmation the posts are even received. There's been zero sense of welcome or confirmation.

Confirmation is shown by your topics showing up on the board in the index. Replies you make show under the original topics. There is no notification sent because there are hundreds of topics and replies mad every day, especially on weekends and holidays. So you must be speaking of something else, I think. But yes, the confirmation you seek is more that what you wrote has value? I suggest there were reasons for the lack of that kind of reponse, if you read on.

I probably don't have to tell anyone here, including Laura and her staff that rejection is not easy to bear. Especially when one is just starting down the path to full transition and could use the support of a community that ostensibly is supposed to be there.

Honey, support is what it is all about. I think you are wrong in saying this and at the end of this posting I will explain that. The short answer is I suspect you don't know how the forum works, exactly. I will try to help you with that.

Perhaps its only Laura's precautions which, I can fully appreciate, but am beginning to think might be overly excessive even to the point of discouraging new and very sincere members.

There has been others complaining we are possibly too restrictive. Honey, that's how our site stays so safe. Other sites are less restrictive, you may want to Google "Beginning Life" or "Susan's" but be prepared for flame wars, bad language, and judgmental members, at least in my experience. I am a member in those two sites as well.

Do I have to ask my internationally respected SF Bay area gender therapist authenticate me in writing to be "approved" on this site?

That isn't necessary. We understand the hurt you are showing here, but we here who identify as transsexual don't require proof of our sisters and brothers.

Someone, please let me know what is going on here with all that I've posted so far. Why nothing is showing up and why no one seems to care if I participate or not.

Read the history below - your posts were put up. Several of us have checked to make sure

Topics

23 July - 1:48 AM - 2 replies

26 July - 2:22 PM - 5 replies

Today - 1:09 AM - 6 replies so far

Posted replies

21 July - 11:50 AM

23 July - 5:07 PM

I'm beginning to feel regret for having invested my thoughts and time on this site.

We regret this. But I have some suggestions, see below?

Darcie

First of all, you did give a tremendous amount of information in your very first topic, but you referred to this as copied from your Blog and suggested we look there. I doubt anyone went to look. There are just too many people who join every day. It's not that we are not interested? It's more that there was way too much information to read. It is best to keep your posts limited to a few paragraphs, usually. Those shorter posts get more resulting replies. Not all here do that and there are some really long posts.

It would be good if you had a simple introduction, perhaps? Those really get attention

You complain about not getting replies, yet you have yourself only made two replies, and that doesn't help. People here, especially the new members, really don't know you yet. If you don't participate a whole lot? how are people going to get to know you?

You write very well, and you have great insights into our condition. I feel you hope to contribute as well as gain support. What you have to offer is very valuable, and I would really like to see you learn how to use our forum to its full scope and possibility.

For example, one of your replies was to a post Laura herself made in 2007. That was four years ago, and many of the people who originally responded are unlikely to be here anymore. The best dialogs are with recent topics, although sometimes we drag out an old one and restart it. There are many tricks like that.

And lastly, yes. We are a support group and we care. That is why you will get all these replies to this particular topic, because it distresses us that you are unhappy. You may not have your feet on the ground here, and I hope this reply helps. We are not like CHAT as we are not immediate and real-time. The other responses explain that in better detail. But on forum what you write stays here for years.

Stay with us?

Julie

[Guest Vixen Amber]

Gonna take more than 5 posts but I do understand what you mean. It happens, can't be helped.

[JenniferB]

I am sorry you feel unwelcome here Darcie.

What I noticed in your original post in this thread is it is your fifth post. It takes 5 posts to have access to your profile. The reason we do this is to keep the site safe.

If you missed any responses to your threads, click on your name. You should find an option called "My Content". When you click on this option every thread you posted in will appear, so you can read any responses you missed.

I hope this helps. I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts so I can learn more about you.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

[Guest Darcie]

Julie,

Thank you very much for the super kind reply and for enlightening me. Sorry for jumping to a negative conclusion. I'm new at forum procedures, especially one with this level of security. Also, I was looking in the wrong place for reply. And, apparently my memory miscounted the actual posts I made. It would have helped to have had some sort of message counter/confirmation but that's probably too complicated to implement.

Thank you again for your most generous and thorough reply.

Big Hug,

Darcie

[Guest Darcie]

Darcie,

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I checked and your posts have recieved 5 and 2 replies each and some of them are very welcoming and positive. Have you seen the replies?

You are very welcome here and we are very happy you have found this place.

Jenny,

Just saw them all! Feeling a little ashamed for jumping to negative conclusions. Still learning the procedures. Thank you for your welcoming note!

Big Hug,

Darcie

[Guest Darcie]

Hi Darcie.

Im Sammi, Assistant Chat Director.

You know that the forums arent the only section to our site don't you my sweet? If you are finding that the forums are a little slow for you, why dont you pop over to chat and come test out the waters for real life interaction. We welcome all new members to chat and do what we can to ensure that you all feel welcome. Please if you do pop into chat, just give the rules of chat a quick read for me and expect a short interview when you first log in, all new members go through it, Its just another way to help you feel welcome and to introduce you to the other chatters. I hope to see you over there soon

Sammi

Chat Link

Sammi,

I don't think it was an issue of speed, just my miscalculation of my initial 5 posts and no real confirmation there were going anywhere. Once I hit the magic 5, it's all good now.

Thanks for the tip and invite over at chat.

Hug,

Darcie

[Guest Darcie]

What time have you been posting at? Late at night the posts take forever to be approved, sometimes it even takes an hour or two.

Yes, almost all of them late. Thx for the heads up.

Cheers,

Darcie

[Guest Darcie]

Gonna take more than 5 posts but I do understand what you mean. It happens, can't be helped.

Thanks for the kind reply. Its all happening now and I feel 100% better and a little ashamed for jumping to negative conclusions so fast.

Hug,

Darcie

[Guest Darcie]

Like Reina has mentioned it can depend on what time you post. Your posts are up there and Laura doesn't have staff. Volunteers check over these things and late night posts can take as long as until late morning to show up sometimes.

Welcome to Laura's and don't take the delay in the posts as something against you personally it happens to all of us k

Krisina

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. Nice quotes!

Darcie

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Darcie,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest Jaded1]

Don' take it personally. Of the threds I have posted I sometimes get replies and sometimes none at all. Heck I just posted my first picture thread and only got one response. You never know on these boards.

[Michelle 2010]

Hi Darcie, looks like I'm a little late to the party (as usual)!

I happen to be one who frequently signs on @ 5AM est. Often I find posts that have been queued for 1-2.5 hours and I approve them before getting my day going. I may have approved yours before. Mod coverage can be a little thin during the witching hours i suppose. Nothing personal.

Good to have you here.

Michelle