Can You Be Almost Rle?

[~Nova~]

The only place I'm not me is at work, and that is not because I'm afraid, it's because I know I'll lose my job.

Am I almost RLE?

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

If you're talking about accruing RLT for surgery......

Some therapists will give you credit for "full time" even if you're not out at work....

I know a couple of girls that has happened to...

If you feel you'd lose your job the therapist may let you waive the work time...

Dee Jay

[Guest Julie T]

Autumn

I know your concern with this. I had to do that exact same thing for over a year. My therapist gave me credit anyway and gave me my SRS letter. You may want to talk to you therapist about this.

Julie

[Guest kelise]

I notice you're a fellow Floridian. I know there are a few counties and cities here that have employment non-discrimination ordinances that include gender identity. I'd have to do some research to confirm which ones they are, but if you work in one of those, you're employer CAN'T fire you for coming out, or you can sue them for TWENTY SRS's (although I'm not sure where you'd put all those extra vagina's.)

[Sally]

Yes it is possible to be almost RLE - I have been for sometime now - I should be full time at work within the month - the wheels are in motion but I have had my surgery letter for over a year.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Yes it is possible to be almost RLE - I have been for sometime now - I should be full time at work within the month - the wheels are in motion but I have had my surgery letter for over a year.

Love ya,

Sally

Most good gender therapists these days recognize that we cannot all risks our livelihoods. Talk to your therapist. Like Sally above, I'd say you're RLE, actually. Good luck!

Lacey

Postscript:

How do you FEEL? Enjoying it? Hope so!

[Guest]

Hi Autumn,

I started "almost RLE" seven weeks ago.

I may put on guy clothes for my job, but that doesn't mean that the guy is going to work, you know?

I really feel like I'm full time. My job has so little to do with me as a person that it just doesn't count: I'm just another piece of machinery there - how does my gender matter to the machine?

All the best to you!

Love, Megan

[~Nova~]

I started this thread in hopes of seeing exactly what I have been. Kinda happy and sad at the same time. Happy that I would be considered FT, sad that I missed a milestone. I have no idea how long I've been doing it. I can tell you the only boy clothes I ave are scrubs and they are actually girl cut. (I didnt know they had gender different scrubs when I bought them)

Florida is a "right to work" state, which means the company can fire me without cause. They do not have to say its because I TG. They can say it's because we just don't like you, well maybe not, but you get the point. They don't need a reason.

Lacey, how does it feel? Last night after a day of shopping I was too tired to cook. Lucy and I decided to settle on Chinese. Easy and no clean up. She fed the dogs, I called it in. Didn't even think about voice, got thank ma'am, 15 minute. Lucy started to feed the dogs, we have 5 so it's a chore, and I went to get the food. I had changed from the clothes I was wearing to a simple skirt and a 4 dollar pull over from Walmart. I was not stylin'. Drove up, got out of the car, went in and got the food. How does it feel, normal? And totally awesome!!!! But mostly just normal. It's funny how fast I fell into life without even realizing it.

[Guest Donna Jean]

I can tell you the only boy clothes I ave are scrubs and they are actually girl cut. (I didnt know they had gender different scrubs when I bought them)

Hmmmmmmm....I never knew that, either.....

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Guest Mia J]

My G.T. has me at RLE starting at the beginning of this year even though I have not officially come out at work. That is the only time I even try to present as male and she wonders how I can even do that. I also have not officially come out at the zoo but have just been presenting as my true self and have not been asked anything by the education staff. In fact most staff and volunteers who did not know me before just automatically use those wonderful female pronouns.

Regardless of what a G.T. may classify as RLE I think we just sort of slip into it as we transition.

Mia

[Guest Julie T]

I notice you're a fellow Floridian. I know there are a few counties and cities here that have employment non-discrimination ordinances that include gender identity. I'd have to do some research to confirm which ones they are, but if you work in one of those, you're employer CAN'T fire you for coming out, or you can sue them for TWENTY SRS's (although I'm not sure where you'd put all those extra vagina's.)

I'll take one?

Julie

[Paula ult]

One is enough for me thank you, my therapist considered me full time six months before i came out at work, i telecommute from home and other than they knew i had lots of doctor appointments my co-workers and manager did not know, they though i had some disease, a few times i almost slipped name wise when calling my manager.

I am in a male dominated field, in over 30 years there has been only one other female, it has been over a year and a half since i came out at work and everybody treats me as they did before except now they use the correct name and pronouns.

Paula

[Guest Jaded1]

I notice you're a fellow Floridian. I know there are a few counties and cities here that have employment non-discrimination ordinances that include gender identity. I'd have to do some research to confirm which ones they are, but if you work in one of those, you're employer CAN'T fire you for coming out, or you can sue them for TWENTY SRS's (although I'm not sure where you'd put all those extra vagina's.)

Being able to and succeeding at are two very different things. It is amazingly hard to prove unless your employer is just an idiot and outright says (or even better) puts in writing that that is the reason.

Any halfway smart employer will find a reason to fire you if they want you and can place that as a shield between you and their bigotry.

If you have any doubt about it being an issue, as hard as it may sound, but it is better to start looking for a new job where it won't be.

[~Nova~]

Being able to and succeeding at are two very different things. It is amazingly hard to prove unless your employer is just an idiot and outright says (or even better) puts in writing that that is the reason.

Any halfway smart employer will find a reason to fire you if they want you and can place that as a shield between you and their bigotry.

If you have any doubt about it being an issue, as hard as it may sound, but it is better to start looking for a new job where it won't be.

I can get a new job pretty easy, but my job now is SWEET! I make a boat load of money for very little work. I want to go back to school prior to changing jobs, but I have a feeling this job will end in 4 mths, like as soon as my name changes.

It's all good. If I'm fired, I'm ill time, period.

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

I can get a new job pretty easy, but my job now is SWEET! I make a boat load of money for very little work. I want to go back to school prior to changing jobs, but I have a feeling this job will end in 4 mths, like as soon as my name changes.

It's all good. If I'm fired, I'm ill time, period.

Hey, Girl:

Look, I'd stay there and make it work. Though you are totally right about "The Right to Work" law in Florida, I think you'll be okay. You're very vaulable to them. Also, Florida is not as "out there" as it used to be. I arrived in Florida in June of 1979. It was VERY different then. The times, they HAVE changed; however, where you live in Florida makes a difference. In only recently left there (May of 2010) but lived there for 31 years all told. Would you say I know a thing or two about that particular state?

Girl, you're gonna be alright, okay? KEEP THE FAITH! You are OKAY just the way you are!

Peace & Hugs Lacey Lynne

[~Nova~]

Hey, Girl:

Look, I'd stay there and make it work. Though you are totally right about "The Right to Work" law in Florida, I think you'll be okay. You're very vaulable to them. Also, Florida is not as "out there" as it used to be. I arrived in Florida in June of 1979. It was VERY different then. The times, they HAVE changed; however, where you live in Florida makes a difference. In only recently left there (May of 2010) but lived there for 31 years all told. Would you say I know a thing or two about that particular state?

Girl, you're gonna be alright, okay? KEEP THE FAITH! You are OKAY just the way you are!

Peace & Hugs Lacey Lynne

I can tell you my employers would not have an issue. The owner of the company has an openly gay son, so I would guess he's desensitized. The issue is the patients. They are old and most would not accept. Even if they did and a few left, it would be catastrophic to the company. I've been in the same position for 16 years. I know the patients better than most of my own family. Remember, they have to tell me everything. I can't take care of them if they don't.

So, I'll hang on. If I'm outed and I get fired, I'm full time. Win win win

[Guest kelise]

That's a great attitude to have, but make sure you have a plan B in place financially so you don't end up hurting.

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

That's a great attitude to have, but make sure you have a plan B in place financially so you don't end up hurting.

Words of Wisdom: Thank you, Kairi.

She's right honey. Take that advice to the bank, so to speak. Have a Plan B.

However, the patient's may be more accepting than you think. Why? They're old and dying. Things change A LOT when somebody is in that situation. Actually, I think about this A LOT these days. Ain't gettin' any younger myself. Good Luck, Girl!

[Drea]

I don't see any reason why one can't be almost be RLE.

Does that mean one is RLE though? In the simplest form it is living life and we all do that any way we present so everybody everywhere is undergoing RLE.

As far as RLE as it relates to the standards of care and getting SRS letters, well that entirely depends on how your therapist defines it. Generally one's therapist would consider one's individual circumstances when defining what may be required for that person.

Also generally speaking, if one isn't under the care of a therapist, it isn't going to count towards the surgery RLE requirement. It is not uncommon for a therapist to give some credit for what one may have done before starting therapy, but one shouldn't expect to see a therapist fo the first time after a year (or years) and expect to instantly get SRS letters. I seen some try doing this through the years. On the other hand, therapists don't seem to be too picky as far as the whole year. I know many cases where therapists have given an okay for surgery just a few months after one starts RLE.

As far as missing a milestone, it is an arbitrary point that can mean very different things for different people.

RLE is as much about commitment and crossing that hard define line of holding onto the former identity. With it comes a great deal of growth. One can do it in pieces, push off some issues for a time, even get clearance for and have SRS. Having SRS doesn't mean those other open items go away. They just become the new issues to get resolved. So the growth comes in pieces instead of all at once. There is nothing wrong wth that.

The formality of a legal name change is a very easy milestone to identify. That point of having a job in the new gender role is another. Again though, nothing says they all have to be crossed at once and I suppose some may even find living in two different gender roles works for them.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Again though, nothing says they all have to be crossed at once and I suppose some may even find living in two different gender roles works for them.

Good post, Drea....

No, there are lots and lots of ways to do all of this and lots and lots of reasons...

I know an older girl that is 8 years post op and still goes to work as male...

She doesn't want to jeopardize her highly technical job and retirement which is coming up....

Different strokes for different folks...

Donna Jean

[Guest Elena]

and we all definately qualify as different folks!

Sorry had to be said.

<3

Elena

[~Nova~]

I have an appt to see my GT in 2 weeks. I haven't seen him in a few mths. I wanna lay out the plan and know what he requires. I have been saving money for the surgery and the day he says I'm good, I'm scheduling it. I'll work 5 jobs if I have to.

I have no plan B. I could probably live a year on savings, then I would have to tap my 401ks <---last option.

So far, I'll live a double life. I'm not sure how long I can do it tho. I pass less and less as male. Right now I'm Ok,

[Guest Julie T]

Autum?

When you stop passing as male in male garb, that tells you something, don't you think? We need to be ourselves. Rarely do people care if you a were born male if you act and look female to them. Only those that knew us before give us problems, and many of them come around anyway.

Julie

[Drea]

I'll work 5 jobs if I have to.

That's a positive attitude.

Something to think about...

Volunteer work. While you may not be able to change at your job, volunteering can be very rewarding, provide social interaction and it is something that can be done in your new gender role. It provides a great way to help settle into the role, as good as at work and it can help boost one's self worth and thus self esteem by doing something good.

Volunteer work can also in some circumstances help with personal networking and indirectly help with getting a job. Sometimes it can be used as a reference.

Of course, finding second job to work in the new gender role is an option as well though that can be more difficult unless name is legally changed.

[Guest Julie T]

I certainly agree with Drea and Dee Jay. I feel that like that old song, Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover, there are hundreds of ways to address gender dysphoria and have you find a comfort level. This RLE? well it always seemed rather strange to me that it was such a standard set in stone. I was desperate to be me, and wanted to live full time as a woman as soon as possible. The requirement to do so to be eligible for surgery? Well, yes, it made sense I guess. Having that requirement, though, seemed more of a CYA for the therapist and medical people? I mean I know how hard it is to get diagnosed and on HRT? So there are still people that get that far, start to live as their real selves? and back out? I guess it happens.

So yes, whatever it takes to make you happy, I suppose. RLE made me happy - but, well? It wasn't RLE for me, not literally. It was simply being myself, finally. So I had to male up at work? at least for a while? That was doable. They thought I was an effeminate gay male, I think, but whatever made it work for them, I really wasn't passing male back then.

Julie