Bit The Bullet And Told My Mother....

[Guest Jaded1]

Welcome to thread 12354332 like this one so bear with me.

So first and formost a tiny bit of background.

I am an only child with parents that split when I was 11 and my father not really being in the picture thereafter.

My mother is a tank of a woman. By that I am not describing her physical appearance but more her demeanor. There is nothing in life that she will not go after if she feels it is in her or my best interest, sometimes to her detriment. She has been faced with adversity her entire life and has achieved amazing heights bursting through the glass ceiling at light speed on many levels.

On the flipside, she is somewhat narcissistic and many times will equate her opinons with fact. Everything she does from love but many times not really from the point of view of the person she is doing it for.

With that said, I have been holding off telling her about my realizations and my want to begin transition.

Well this past saturday I finally told her.

At first she acted as cool as a cucumber about it and said she wasn't shocked. We had a pretty "matter of fact" discussion about it. I tried to explain to her as much as I could and she seemed to be ok with it all. Well I knew the other shoe had to drop and since then she obviously has had time to digest it and freak out.

She even went to the point of having one of her psychiatrist friends that I barely know call me out of the blue as she thought "I should talk to someone." Although I do understand her motivations, I was completely blindsided by this and hung up on the guy after about 3 sentances pretending to be bad reception. I know, chickenpoop move, but it was just so out of the blue and disconcerting.

We will see how it all goes but for the time being it will be interesting for sure, especially since I am ready to begin HRT very shortly and already have all my ducks in a row for it.

Edited August 10, 2011 by JJ
One word altered to acceptable form

[Guest Riana]

That's great news! I'm glad it went well.

My mother is a lot like yours. She's like 'my way or the highway' and she says things because she thinks they need to be said, without thinking about whether it's in anyone's interest to hear them. Definitely not someone to talk to about your problems if they are also her problems, because then somehow her problems are more important. I hope your mother doesn't do that to you, but if she's as similar as mine, it might be worth being prepared for...

[Guest Roux]

First of all: your mother sounds like an incredible, and a potentially incredibly intimidating, person. Secondly, I think I would have done exactly what you did if Mom's Random Psychiatrist Friend #4 called me unexpectedly to talk about my feelings. As kind as their intentions might be, I would not have responded with anything less than deer-in-the-headlights frozen panic. Please don't be feeling weird about your reaction! Most people I know would've just cursed and hung up--which is much less graceful than pretending the reception is bad. =)

It's been a week since you posted this. How are things getting along? Any developments?

[Guest Jaded1]

First of all: your mother sounds like an incredible, and a potentially incredibly intimidating, person. Secondly, I think I would have done exactly what you did if Mom's Random Psychiatrist Friend #4 called me unexpectedly to talk about my feelings. As kind as their intentions might be, I would not have responded with anything less than deer-in-the-headlights frozen panic. Please don't be feeling weird about your reaction! Most people I know would've just cursed and hung up--which is much less graceful than pretending the reception is bad. =)

It's been a week since you posted this. How are things getting along? Any developments?

Well yes and no.

She has been calling me wanting to talk but I have been kind of avoiding it. I just feel that I am not prepared to answer some of the questions she might have as I am already getting wind of the fact that she is going in the mental directions of trying to not necessarily convince me that I am "wrong", but to put up so much resistance with what I am to face that I would maybe back down.

What she doesn't get is that the train has left the station and there is no going back. I just don't know if I have the energy in me to have that "debate" with her right now.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

I'm wishing you luck, Hon......

While I have almost no family to worry about, I do understand that your mom can be a "dynamic" person and that makes it difficult for you.

Hopefully you'll be able to get to sit and make her realize that this is a non-negotiable situation.....

Where you are ...can't be argued with, changed or bought off....it is what is.....

Besides, a former Marine should be able to get the point across....right?....

LUCK

Dee Jay

[Guest Roux]

I just don't know if I have the energy in me to have that "debate" with her right now.

Understandable. It sounds like one would need a great deal of energy, and patience, to have a conversation that personal and delicate with her. Let us know what you end up doing, and how the conversation goes when it does happen. Best of luck!

[Guest Jaded1]

I just don't know if I have the energy in me to have that "debate" with her right now.

Understandable. It sounds like one would need a great deal of energy, and patience, to have a conversation that personal and delicate with her. Let us know what you end up doing, and how the conversation goes when it does happen. Best of luck!

Funny you should revive the thread when you did as there has been a rather interesting development.

Give it to my mother to try and interdict me in her own passive aggressive way.

Long story short, we have a group health insurance plan together that is about 800/month. Of that 300 is my share which I pay for. I know it is a lot of money but my therapist is only 25 bucks, labs are 10, meds are 15 and they cover TG related therapy and HRT so it is worth it to me.

Well I get an email from her this morning telling me that she is cancelling the policy because it is too much money.

If this were at any other time, I would say, that sucks but her timing on this is impeccable. seeing as how I am starting HRT in two weeks. She knows I am going to be unemployed in the next two months so every penny counts and if I were to look for a non-group policy it will be a lot more.

Also the "too much money" argument is also somewhat silly seeing as how she just before I told her told me that she had some extra money come in so if I still need help with tuition (as I am looking to go back to school to finish my degree) she would pay for it.

Sigh...

It is what it is, I just hope she understands that if she keeps up with this passive aggressive bs she is not only losing a son, but a future daughter as well.

[Guest Roux]

That is horrifying. My stomach dropped just reading it; I'm rather in awe of how calm and collected you sound about the situation. (And if you aren't as calm as you seem to be, I hope you have some kind of support system around you to help you deal with the bs.) Do you think this means she'll be retracting her offer to help pay tuition, too?

[Guest Jaded1]

That is horrifying. My stomach dropped just reading it; I'm rather in awe of how calm and collected you sound about the situation. (And if you aren't as calm as you seem to be, I hope you have some kind of support system around you to help you deal with the bs.) Do you think this means she'll be retracting her offer to help pay tuition, too?

What can I say, I am used to the rollercoaster of events when dealing with her. Don't get me wrong, she is my mother and for better or for worse I do love her but times like this really stress that love.

As far as the tuition, I never counted on her help and it would surprise me very little if that offer was either off the table as well and/or with some pretty serious strings attached. I have some money scraped together so I guess I won't be able to go as hardcore with my electrolysis as I would have wished.

I already called my health care provider and changed my policy over to an individual policy so no more dangling that carrot before me for her. Now I just have to figure out a way to pay for it all but a little more ramen in the diet and I should be able to somehow swing it.

I try and not stress the small stuff and in the grand scheme of things, these are minor roadblocks on the road I have now taken. I just tell myself, "Self, if you can't deal with this, how the heck are you ever gonna be able to deal with all the craziness and stress of transition."

I am just grateful I have a small handful of staunch friends around me that do whatever they can to make things easier around me and that I can come on to Laura's and talk to folks that know exactly what I am dealing with.

[Guest Roux]

You're awesome, and I hope the extra ramen is delicious ramen.

[Guest Jaded1]

You're awesome, and I hope the extra ramen is delicious ramen.

I don't know about awesome. If I am, I am in the right place as this must the collection spot for awesome gals and guys.

[gennee]

Congrats on coming out to your mom. It's much to digest and people react differently. I probably might have hung up in the person but I would have stated that there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just being the person I really am.

Gennee

[Guest Jaded1]

Congrats on coming out to your mom. It's much to digest and people react differently. I probably might have hung up in the person but I would have stated that there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just being the person I really am.

Gennee

Very true and it would have been the right thing to tell the guy, but at that moment I was literally in fight or flight and I chose flight.