OK, wow, I need some good vibes.

[~Nova~]

I'll give a brief background so those of you that don't know my continuing saga can catch up.

I told my brother. He was cold and uncaring and called me gay and a freak.

I got very upset and with the love of Laura's, I got past it.

I was at work one day and felt a tap on my shoulder, it was him standing behind me with his arms open.

His wife, my SIL, friended me on FB and we have been communicating.

She saw a picture of me and being an optometrist told me I need new glasses.

We made plans for Sunday for me to go over her house and get a fit.

I sent my brother this text:

Steve, are you OK seeing me as Nova or do you need more time? Lori said I could come over and try frames on Sunday.

This was his reply

BOY NAME your an ugly man and I'm sure an uglier woman. If you can handle the gigles I don't care how you come over as

I didn't know how he meant it so I just blew it off as him being a jokester. I'm not so thinned skinned that I can't play a little. It hurt and it bothered me, but I let it go. I came home tonight and my roomie was telling me she was talking to my SIL. She said that Steve really meant that they might laugh and that she (my roomie) had to admit that it is funny. My roomie told SIL that it is not funny and that this is not halloween.

I'm crushed. I'm crushed that I was totally believing that she cared and was really going to help. I fell for it. They played me and I believed.

I'm crushed that they could be so cold, especially to blood.

I'm crushed that my roomie had to deal with this. She has enough on her plate.

I'm crushed that I had hope.

I'm so disappointed and devasted. I'm not upset, depressed. I'm upset, mad. I always thought I was good at reading people. I let my guard down and this is my reward.

I'm unfriending her and my brother and the rest of the family. Good riddance!

I'm such a donkey.

Autumn

Edited August 25, 2011 by Carolyn Marie
Single word removed due to use of ** to get around word filter.

[Guest John Chiv]

Autumn,

You are human and you were willing to give your family a chance. I am glad that they have not upset you like they did in the past. We cannot take your pain away but we do care.

John

[Guest Izzybell]

*Hugs* I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Autumn. No one should, especially from family. And you are definitely NOT ugly! You're really pretty, and don't let anyone say otherwise. I haven't been here for too long, but from the minute I registered, I could tell people cared for one another here. Like John said, no one here can take your pain away, but everyone here does care and can help you through any struggle. *Even bigger hug than before* You are strong and beautiful woman, and no one will ever change that!

-Izzy

[Guest Aly Kat]

*sending out good vibrations*

Hi Nova. First of all, you look beautiful.

Second, I'm really sorry for the mixed signals your brother and sister-in-law sent, but I think staying in touch with them would be a good idea. Family is forever. Bullying is a coping mechanism that hides underlying emotions, so it is quite possible that your brother and s-i-l LOVE YOU A LOT and are just scared of the unknown. They might fear for your safety or how the public will perceive you or them.

When a family member comes out as trans it jumbles up the usual familial "roles" we all take on (similar to a divorce, a death, a second marriage, pregnancy, whatever~). They may just need more time to adjust. In the meantime, you should stay strong, know that we all love you here, and that running away from them is probably not the best solution.

LOVE,

Alison

[Carolyn Marie]

Autumn, what they did and said is awful and hurtful, and I do not blame you for your reaction.

My suggestion? In addition to un-friending them, send them a letter or e-mail, and tell them exactly bow you feel about what they did. They need to know how badly they hurt you.

I agree with Izzy, too. You are a very pretty woman, Autumn. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Isabella_Anne]

Boy family can be real poops sometimes. I think you look great by the way. My younger sister hates me. She won't give me a reason why. I have my thoughts. I would defiantly let them know how much there terrible words hurt you. Don't let them get away with that garbage. Who knows they might come around one day.

Hugs,

Isabella

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Honey.....

This is tough stuff....

The way I see it is you have two choices....

1. cut all ties with them...

2. Find out where you really stand....go to see SIL and see how it all goes....things change..

If things are not better, THEN cut all ties with them

You look GREAT!

Dee Jay

[~Nova~]

Usually, this would really hurt, but this time I'm not gonna let it. No winners, no losers, jut time away. It really doesn't matter how much time, just time.

Thanks for the kind words. It's always nice to hear kind words and compliments, but I don't care if I'm Miss America or the ugliest woman alive. I simply wanna live my life. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing and if this is just a passing phase. Did I come out to early? Should I have come out all at all? Then the big question, why? All these questions come out when I get this reaction. Then I realize I'm 46. I hid this for, well a long time and now its time for me.

I wish I had started a wall of pictures. Accepting/History.

love ya all.

:-)

[JenniferB]

I am sorry this happened to you Autumn. You put yourself on the line and hoped that your brother and SIL would accept you. Instead their intention was to hurt you by their cruelty. Tell them you've suffered enough without them and don't need them to add to it. Since they won't even try to understand, and don't want to have anything to do with you, you will be on your way, by their choice, and leave them out of your life.

However, if there is a way, I'd suggest leaving a crack in the door just in case they feel remorse.

{{{extra Hugs}}}

Jenny

[Guest Julie T]

Autumn

I am totally against the grain here. I think what they said about accepting you was genuine, not a setup. They are confused to the point they made some cruel and unnecessary comments and jokes. You can be hurt and dismissive, or you can be hurt and challenged. There is a difference. The challenge is to get them set straight. Meet with them and explain this is not a joke. Be polite but be really firm with that. If they try to defend themselves and are not apologetic, tell them you will give them some more time, but you want then to stay out of your life for a while (Don't say that you are staying out of their life, you must say they stay out of yours).

If they indeed see how they hurt you, ask to set some ground rules. Also pay heed to their requests and it has to work both ways.

I am sorry you got hurt so bad. Please don't over-react just yet. Don't burn bridges. And this is just my immediate reaction.

Julie

[~Nova~]

Julie, you are right. I don't think it was a set up. Not intentionally, it just happened. I'm not burning bridges and I'm not doing anything. I have defriended her and my nephew becauseI don't want to have to think of them point and laughing at me from afar.

The line you only get one first impression is true here. He said what he meant. Everything else was just his attempt at trying. He's not ready and I'm not going to force it down his throat. That's why I sent the initial text. I felt he wasn't ready. I was right. The way he had been talking to me just didn't sound right.

The door is there. it's not open, but if the knock comes, I might open it.

[Guest EvenClose]

What she said ^

Hugz

Miranda

[~Nova~]

This just keeps getting better. If I didnt know better, I'd say I was making this up. I'm not that smart

I defriended my SIL. I got a message. She was asking a question about the conversation we were having. I sent her the link to my blog and analogy. http://ittookalifetime.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-painful-analogy.html

This is her reply after reading it.

Okay blow my mind! I hear you and starting to understand now hear me. You are not alone! There will be good days and bad. Nothing changed, I will say or do things to urine you off get over it don't walk away. Your brother will do the same. Nothing has changed. It will be first for everyone, some will be hard , some easy, some will hurt and some won't . Don't walk away.

I need to sleep on this.

Do I take the chance and go over there? If they laugh, I may be so badly hurt I won't recover. I'm in a better place, but i'm still very fragile.

[JenniferB]

Autumn.

Maybe they are trying to understand but it's going to take some time. Saying this will be a first for everyone hints at this. They will ask you 1000 questions and realize some of them are going to make you angry.

Still when I tried to explain to my brother why I am trans he couldn't understand. Yet he is still my brother and accepts me, even though he doesn't approve of what I am doing. When I corrected him when he called me his brother, he said it would take awhile to get used to calling me his sister. The love I have for my brother and sisters and the love they have for me trumps any choice I make in life. And they definitely didn't try and make me angry. They knew I wasn't going to revert back as a male anyway.

I don't know what to think. The reply is a confusing and mixed message.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

[Guest Christine Alexa]

Trust me, when you first come out, everyone asks the same questions (it's like there's a script)

• How long have you known?
  
• Why did you live your life the way your did (marriages, children, gender stereotyped activities, etc) [ as your birth gender] if you wanted to do this?
  
• Why now?
  
• Are you sure this isn't some phase.... etc?
  
• (And from more personal relationships such as spouses) Why did you do this to me? Is our whole relationship a lie?
  

Personally, the way I explain it is pretty simple and usually something similar to - I spent the first 39 years pretending to be a boy. I couldn't go on pretending any more. I'm doing this so that my body matches the woman I've always been on the inside.

I then follow it up with a statement similar to

This isn't a choice for me. The only choice was that I had to do something about this, or I was going to end up taking my life. So I decided to live, and this is what I have to do to live and survive.

I then answer more details as needed/appropriate, but after presenting that it was a life or death decision that you didn't come to lightly, but came to over a period of years and decades, most people are accepting at that point. If they aren't they are in effect saying "you should have killed youself" and most people just aren't that damn mean.

[Guest Ney'ite]

Though I am thinking by now you may have realized more about the whole situation, but I have to agree with Julie T. I did not quite see it as a setup, and after reading your SIL's FB reply, it almost seems that no matter who you are, they are still going to tease you . . . just *because* they will anyway regardless of anything else. If you have not gone over, my only suggestion would be to please take someone else along with you who is totally supportive of you. That way *if* it turns South, you are not alone and have someone else for support. People are funny . . . as is so often the case, the ones whom you expected problems with, so many times have no issues at all. The ones you never dreamed would have an issue, sometimes have real issues and dump you (your fair-weather friends who would dump you for any reason, not just this one).

(¯`•.•´¯) (¯`•.•´¯)

*`•.¸(¯`•.•´¯)¸.•´ ♥ Bette

☆ ° ♥ `•.¸.•´ ♥ ° ☆.¸¸.•´¯`♥

[~Nova~]

Well, this is an old thread.

I never went over. I have not spoken to anyone in my family. As time goes by, they accept less and less. However, I move forward. Somehow, I have morphed into an incredible woman. I'm happy, friendly, open and caring. Not to bad to look at either.

It's their loss. My roomie and I have decided we are no longer roomies, but sisters. Our love grows and grows.

Autumn