sigh....

[Guest TheCanadianVegan]

I didn't know what to put for the topic title, so I just put something :/

So ima basically just tell ya'll my story, k?

So basically I eat MASS quantities of food, I mean enough to probably feed like, a couple of people at least, no exaggerations here.

And this makes me worried, so then I'll go a while where I basically eat nothing, for like, up to a month at a time. And then I get really scared cause i feel sick and light headed and really bad so Im like Im gunna just find a middle ground. good idea right? But at this point im so starving that I just go right back to gorging myself on large amounts of food. And the cycle repeats

Right now Im kinda in the not eating stage, and freaking out a bit.

Ill explain something cause my family is very unhealthy eating, basically meat, every once in a blue moon some steamed frozen veggies and cheeses junk food, chocolate candies ice cream etc.

problem is when im in the basically not eating phase I break down every once and a while and eat something but its junk food. So the little food I do eat is crap

and when I say hardly ever eat, I mean I haven't eaten breakfast or lunch in probably over 3 weeks or so. and dinner time I just say Im not that hungry and eat maybe a few mouthfuls of food.

So now im feeling really sick like this morning when I went to get up when i woke up I had to lay back down cause I was SO dizzy and lightheaded i felt like I was going to just pass out and die.

Oh and my father bought my some Dr. Pepper and in my body's need to get SOMETHING I drank like, 3 litres in like less then 2 days

and of the last week or so i've gone prob 3 days without eating and when I do eat it is very little, and tends to be very unhealthy foods.

I don't however count calories or nothing like that, just has to do with amount of food i guess?

and i dont weigh myself very often but when I do I don't like when Im over 120lbs

right now im about 122lbs, down from 128lbs about a week and half ago.

Now let me just say that I don't think Im fat, I know I'm not.

It's the fear of becoming fat that drives what I do.

So ya that's it, and Im basically scaring myself I'm afraid Im going to get myself dead or something or get severely sick or something but I can't help it :'(

So I'll probably start eating lots of food again in the next few days I think, and ya know what? Ill feel much better However knowing me the cycle will just start over again and ya

Thnx if u read all that

Peace ♥

[VickySGV]

First off, you are at a place where you can talk to other people who are there with you. Eating disorders and other addictions and compulsive issues seem to be part of us Trans Folk. I am trying to lose weight since I technically fit into the category of being obese (how I got that way is posted on another board here) and occasionally do think that all that I have to do is knock off the junk food and eat only every day or three. That is pure sabotage to yourself though, (especially since I am type 2 diabetic,) and not only do you risk hypoglycemia (low blood sugar which makes people grumpy and very anxious) but your body will trigger you to do sucn things as gorge on food.

It will be tough, but the best Idea is to DISCIPLINE YOURSELF to eat 5 small, balanced meals (although the balance can be over all 5) every day. You do not have to absolutely count the calories in them at your weight, but, a teacup/small soup cup full of oatmeal, a banana or some other single piece of fruit and low fat milk make a good start to a day. You get the picture there of what I mean by a small meal. You will need to also plan the time for the meals, and if you have a say in the portions at family dinner, take the smaller portions, but contract with yourself, or someone else to finish the food on the plate. Small regular, balance portions

With all of that planned and a "done deal" that you turn into a habit and "just do", you will feel better and not be centered on the food. Thinking ahead reduces anxiety and will keep you more intact with the reality that you are liked and loved just as you are, and since Trans, as you will become.

[Michelle 2010]

Hi Sarah,

You don't post your age or your height so its a little hard to put this in perspective. You mention your dad but not as if you are a child so who knows... Also 120 pounds is fine if you are 5 1/2 feet tall....

What you describe sounds like anorexia with periodic binges. Vicky's advice is sound; however, if you are anorexic you will know soon because the odds are self discipline isn't the solution to the problem.

The reality is the healthy decision to make would be to start with a general practitioner, get a physical to see if there are issues there impacting your eating habits and follow his advise. If you are anorexic it can lead to many health problems up to and including organ failure and death. Not trying to be alarmist mind you, but if you are unable to exert the self discipline of a structured eating program like Vicky advises, it may be time to seek outside help.

In the meantime, you were wise to lay the situation out here where you can get emotional support from everyone, and specifically members who have been where you are.

Best wishes

Michelle

[Guest Maria_B]

I haven't got anything to add that these fine ladies haven't.

But, I am here to support you if you need it. If'n you just want to talk or what-not, been through Anorexia and binging and all that, I know what helped me a lot was just talking and not treating it like some big deal.

Hey, may not be your cup of tea to do that, but if it is, I'm wide open to talkin'. (Just keep in mind I'm Australian so replies may be far between). PM me at your leisure.

Again: Just offerin' support.

Love you

Te amo

Maria.