Coming out to my dad

[Guest ignota]

I'm going to tell my dad, tonight. I've written him a letter that i may use if i need to, but mainly to get my thoughts in order. Does anyone have any thoughts?

Hey Dad,

I need to tell you something about myself, something i've been suppressing and hiding for a long time. I'm still the exact same person as I've always been, but I feel like I should have been born female.

This is a fact I've known, in some way or another, for almost as long as i can remember (at least since i was 11, i think), but i've only really started to hnunderstand it in the last nine months or so. It's now at the point where to continue to hide it from you would be a bare-faced lie, and I won't do that any more.

There are others like me - it's actually recognised as a medical condition, called gender dysphoria (a feeling of wrongness or discomfort). It comes with some fairly nasty baggage. For the past nine months (i finally allowed myself to start thinking about it last christmas), i've been suffering from what seems to be depression. It's been incredibly hard to work, to appear happy, and to function generally with this going on. I had a university counsellor for six months. I've seen 3 GPs, my college nurse and a psychiatrist, who were all understanding but not much help, save the counsellor and the nurse. So I've been seeing, for about four months (i think 10 appointments?) a psychotherapist who is very highly qualified and experienced in dealing with gender issues.

The good news is that I should hopefully be able to cope with university noe: my mood and condition have improved and stabilised, especially over the summer. There's no bad news, per se... except that, the only proven way to treat gender issues is to find a life balance which works.

This doesn't mean that from now on I will wear frocks and insist on being called Rita (i don't think they're really my thing anyway). But, it's hard to be a guy when you feel like you're female. So please understand if I need to escape for a few minutes. Please be able to talk to me when I need to. And please - trust me and accept my feelings. This is the way I am. I know it's hard - I've had enormous problems with it myself.

The other thing is... my body bothers me. The hair, the voice, the muscle, the shape... Much of this is now unchangeable since i'm past puberty. But i have decided to ask my therapist to recommend I receive hormone therapy. This effectively turns my body chemistry female. The effects are slow and not drastic, but they will prevent my body masculinising any further, at least while I continue to wrestle with this and attempt to finish my degree.

I hope that you will accept this. It will take time, but please, try for me?

I will always be me, and you will always be my Daddy.

[Male name]

[Guest Krisina]

I think it sounds great. I don't know what I would have written if I was younger and coming out to my parents, but I think I would want it to look something like your letter. There might be others who have something to add from experience writing letters to their parents. I do wish you the very very best for you when talking to your dad tonight too.

Krisina

[Guest ignota]

Thank you Krisina

[Guest ignota]

# Don't stop me now... #

Couldn't bring myself to say it, so i handed over the letter. Dad and stepmum read together - a surprised glance after the first paragraph, snort at the Rita bit... afterward, hugs all round. I really thought they might not like it, but they've taken it so well. They said it changes nothing. And... it should be easier to decide on birthday presents!

I feel absolutely blessed with my family and friends. Just so happy they're accepting.

Going to paint my little sisters' nails tomorrow to celebrate

[Guest Mia J]

Ignota,

This is so wonderful. You did a very brave thing and you have loving parents. Please keep us informed on how things go.

Your letter was very good. You put a lot of thought into it.

Mia

[Guest Krisina]

Good for you and I am so glad you have loving parents who love you who you are and want to be and not what they want you to be. Sounds like you are blessed. It might still be hard for them to get used to it but you are in a good place, a good home keep us updated.

Krisina

[Michelle 2010]

When I read the last line in your letter, I had a feeling you had a special relationship with a good guy. I'm very happy for you that its turned out as it has.

Best wishes

Michelle

[Guest ignota]

Thank you for the lovely comments. I've been overwhelmed about how great they've been. When i came downstairs the next morning, my stepmum had gone out and bought me a little box of glittery makeup. Tried some wth my 5 year old sister

I just wish we could read about more parents like this. i feel spectacularly lucky indeed.

[Guest Krisina]

I have a great big smile for you

Krisina