Genderqueer Transitions

[Guest hoffnungsvollharuna]

I don't want top surgery - maybe a reduction but not a complete removal. I'd DEFINITELY get bottom surgery if those limitations were nonexistent. I'm not interested in hormones.

I'm quite bothered by the idea that bottom surgery isn't really the way I'd like for it to be, though . I'd feel so much better if it were...

[Guest Abner]

As a part of my ideal transition, I would no longer be fertile. I would be a sterile being. However, since I'm absolutely terrified of being unconscious during surgery and/or feeling the pain of it, I'm kind of stuck constantly fearing pregnancy even when I have no partners.

[Guest kylie666]

As for myself, I see myself as being 40% man and 60% female. So, I definitely want to start on hormones. As far as surgery, I would want to wait and see what my views are at, after a year or 2 of taking HRT. Although, my gut has been telling me yes to surgery for like 20 years... Man writing out the years like that makes me really think why I've been waiting this long.

OMG you are so right about that... I think the same thing when i tell people for the past 22 years i been wanting to be a girl... WOW!! that's a LONG TIME!!

I have gotten mad at myself ...Why did i wait...WHY!!! Now i have a very good reasons to wait... And i guess it kind of worked out for the best but still i get mad about it LOL

[Guest Alder]

I can only really say I've actually thought of surgery for the last three years, and only seriously the last year. Though now I'm sitting there wondering.... if it would be to selfish of me to start transition now (hormones and top surgery), or wait until my daughter is older/my mom has passed.... Since, while supportive I know it kind of breaks my moms heart, and my daughter is scared of loosing her mommy...

[Guest Chrysee]

Where do you folks wanna go? What are your goals and what do you want the real "you" to be? Hormones? Surgery?

Wanna see what folks got to say while I think about my own answers.

I still yearn for HRT. However, with the coming of the Spring Equinox, I will be 60 years old (yes, count 'em: 60!!) I'm beginning to feel the slightest bit hopeless.

By the way, I would also like the real me to be in my twenties and singing in a rock band as I did in High School/College. With hips, butt, & breasts I would have been sensational, though it was the late Sixties/early Seventies, I lived in a military town, and people would have thought that I transitioned to beat the draft.

I'm still at work on a graphic novel about this entitled: Chaos Displacement Therapy.

Later,

Cissy

[Guest Maëlle]

I am pretty happy keeping my male bits at present and mainly want to do go deeper into androginous territory I think. So, facial hair removal and a complete change of wardrobe are definitely my next moves - in fact, I've already selected a dermatologist for the laser treatment and started revamping my looks. And it feels gooooood! ;-)

[Guest Micha]

Where do you folks wanna go? What are your goals and what do you want the real "you" to be? Hormones? Surgery?

Wanna see what folks got to say while I think about my own answers.

I still yearn for HRT. However, with the coming of the Spring Equinox, I will be 60 years old (yes, count 'em: 60!!) I'm beginning to feel the slightest bit hopeless.

By the way, I would also like the real me to be in my twenties and singing in a rock band as I did in High School/College. With hips, butt, & breasts I would have been sensational, though it was the late Sixties/early Seventies, I lived in a military town, and people would have thought that I transitioned to beat the draft.

I'm still at work on a graphic novel about this entitled: Chaos Displacement Therapy.

Later,

Cissy

I got drums!

Graphic novel, sweet.

I am pretty happy keeping my male bits at present and mainly want to do go deeper into androginous territory I think. So, facial hair removal and a complete change of wardrobe are definitely my next moves - in fact, I've already selected a dermatologist for the laser treatment and started revamping my looks. And it feels gooooood! ;-)

Good Gooooooood.

[Guest Chrysee]

Where do you folks wanna go? What are your goals and what do you want the real "you" to be? Hormones? Surgery?

Wanna see what folks got to say while I think about my own answers.

Yesterday, my therapist asked if I'd considered SRS. He seems to have forgotten that we'd covered that, and when I said that I wasn't interested, he asked 'Why?' Now I sometimes hate explaining myself. If the server asks if I want dessert and to my "No, thanks." asks "Why not?", I get angry. But of course gender therapy is just a wee bit more serious.

I explained (again!) that being born male bodied and heterosexual, that regardless of future HRT and pair of blessed breasts, I like my sexual arrangement to remain the same.

I see myself as some sort of aging, urban Dionysus.

Thanks for listening (reading.)

Cissy

[Guest Chrysee]

Micha, you've got drums, you say? Well I have an old double keyboard Farfisa in the basement and can still sing with good vibrato and am able (still) to hit the high notes!

Let's rock!

And when I've got the graphic novel far enough along I promise to post excerpts somewhere. I'm afraid it would never pass the censorship software here. And, I suppose with all things considered, that that's the way it should be.

And I just had a P.M. censored the other day, so there!

[Guest Rowan19]

Hey pplz, it's been a while! A lot has changed since I was last here, mostly for the better. I deffinately want T and top surgery now, and I'm sitting on the fence when it comes to bottom surgery. (We all know it has it's imperfections) But I'm pretty happy just walking around like I am, unless I have my boobs unbinded. Maybe has something to do with a recent growth spurt, I'm about 5ft10 1/2 atm.

[Guest weather_rhythm]

I'm still at work on a graphic novel about this entitled: Chaos Displacement Therapy.

That sounds amazing! Get it published and send me a copy. Big literature fan here

Where do you folks wanna go? What are your goals and what do you want the real "you" to be? Hormones? Surgery? Wanna see what folks got to say while I think about my own answers.

As for me, I like my body as it stands, though breasts do get annoying sometimes. Like runner2guy and Chrysee, I prefer to reside within the body that I was given. My androgyny is more of a state of mind. I never felt that that my given body was "wrong," though I do have recurring dreams where i have a penis... I believe this to be a signifier of my dominant side rather than my actual yearning for SRS. Don't get me wrong, I have wondered... but I derive much pleasure and strength from being a woman. I want kids eventually too.

[Guest Luna Selene]

I know the quote is old but I found it relevant.

Micha, on 17 September 2011 - 11:34 AM, said:

No, and I don't think I will. Kinda complicated I guess. Still not sure exactly what I want.

Wonderfully understated XD It's so confusing just figuring out what you want, especially when it can change so much from one day to the next!

I would have to agree. But on top of that, especially when you are young, is figuring out what the person you will become will want. I feel I should accomplish my security in society (Job, house, family) before making any radical choices. As much as I would love the journey, I run a high risk of losing what I have, and what I want now (IE: Education, finance, lovelife) It's a tough question. I know I will not, and cannot have any surgery until after I rear a child. (You hear that, he want's to rear your child!) I cannot risk impotence, it's very important to me. And of course, I too feel nothing wrong with my body, except my defiant white-boy afro. So I don't feel that I need to change my outside to reflect the inner peace. Sure, if I was an X-men character, there is like a 42 percent chance I would pick Mystique. (Magneto 27% Nightcrawler 27%) but since there is that room for error, (here come the please don't hate me qualifications) I don't, personally, feel that is a wise gamble, at this juncture. For anyone else, to each their own.

So finally getting around to the answer, What do I wish to achieve? Harmony. I wish to solidify a philosophy of gender transcendence, an ideal where we forget about all the names and labels, and categories we give ourselves to define our space, and just live as people, together. It may be a long time before that kind of idea is globally understood and even longer before it is adopted, but hey, canyons don't cut themselves.

_Luna

[Guest Micha]

So finally getting around to the answer, What do I wish to achieve? Harmony. I wish to solidify a philosophy of gender transcendence, an ideal where we forget about all the names and labels, and categories we give ourselves to define our space, and just live as people, together. It may be a long time before that kind of idea is globally understood and even longer before it is adopted, but hey, canyons don't cut themselves.

_Luna

I love this, whole and completely.

About waiting 'till you're more secure, don't ever forget about what you want. I decided to wait 'till I was more mature and in a better place to start doing what I want and chase down my dreams. Now, I'm not waiting, I'm more or less stuck. With the way things run, are, and are going to be, it's very easy to run into pitfalls and get burried alive in responsibilities and obligations - leaving your own personal goals perpetually on hold.

Not saying one way or the other is best, just how it went for me.

[Guest Chrysee]

I'm still at work on a graphic novel about this entitled: Chaos Displacement Therapy.

That sounds amazing! Get it published and send me a copy. Big literature fan here

Well I majored in Lit. and briefly taught high school English!

Interestingly enough, the whole thing (the Graphic Novel) began as a labor of love to bring about closure. I could stop regretting not having lived the life that I had briefly envisioned in my 20's. Back then, I had a nighttime dream wherein I 'awakened' to find that I had grown breasts. I had never thought about having them and was thrilled. In fact, I was so excited that I really did wake up and of course they were gone. I was crushed. I laid there in the middle of the night in the dark thinking how rotten it was to have such a wonderful dream only to have it snatched away. Now I had been the singer/keyboardist in a band for a while and immediately wanted to become a 'transvestite rock singer.' I did not yet know how deep my dysphoria went back then.

Now, I regret having not known and done something about it. Soo, the graphic novel was intended to let me go back and be that. I never intended to show it to anyone. However, the more I talked about it, the more people urged me to share it with others as certainly they would relate and perhaps get something from it.

Lord, I talk too much! I must try to leave shorter posts.

Later,

Cissy

[Guest Marie L]

Jo, your story is amazing. It's really similar to what I want to do; have a female body, present male most of the time. Although I'm still not sure if I'm assexual or care about having genetic children.

I'm just wondering how common your particular kind of gender identity is... It doesn't seem to be terribly too often someone who ~androgynous undergoes HRT.

[Guest Chrysee]

Jo, your story is amazing. It's really similar to what I want to do; have a female body, present male most of the time. Although I'm still not sure if I'm assexual or care about having genetic children.

I'm just wondering how common your particular kind of gender identity is... It doesn't seem to be terribly too often someone who ~androgynous undergoes HRT.

As I've mentioned, I am androgynous and hope to soon be on HRT. I must say that even my best trans friend finds it confusing. I guess you could call me 'gender blended', or has you've put it under your avatar: MT?

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Jo, your story is amazing. It's really similar to what I want to do; have a female body, present male most of the time. Although I'm still not sure if I'm assexual or care about having genetic children.

I'm just wondering how common your particular kind of gender identity is... It doesn't seem to be terribly too often someone who ~androgynous undergoes HRT.

I don't really know how common it is, but I definitely feel like I'm in the minority most of the time. Well, a minority within a minority within a minority. Trans and androgynous and on HRT. But I don't mind anymore. Constantly having to explain myself is a great excuse to brag.

[Guest Luca]

I'm at the point now where I want to be able to pass as either sex, or both or neither. The idea of gender has gradually become more and more baffling to me, so being able to disregard it and just present the aesthetic I feel day-by-day would be ideal. I feel like I already have a conflicting appearance, which commonly earns remarks (feminine hips+waist, soft skin, long/styled hair vs. masculine face and chest, facial+body hair), so here's hoping.

I still fall predominately on the male side, though, so I'm thinking maybe HRT could help. I like having facial stubble at the moment (I can't pass as female yet and I'm told I wear it well), so I'd like to figure out a way to shave and hide it successfully without electrolysis so I can go back and forth.

[Guest jody h]

i can best describe the way i feel as like in the movies when they swap bodies with each other. i cant help been born in a male body but no matter how ive tried to accept it and ignore the femanine feelings they seem stronger than the male ones. the male feelings allways seem to be the ones that are forced and hence i cant be happy. the way forward seems to be hrt. drop the level of test and maybe raise the estrogen and see how the feelings change. its awkward to seperate the inner felings of body gender from the outward looks expected. i would love to be able to pass as a everyday female but reality has to play a part. id be very happy passing as a butch woman. i belive that while the hormones are male biased my mind is in a constant battle between male and female and to make decisions u need to be on a level playground. i actually think from what ive read and girls ive talked to that hrt is the way to find out. they say that if when n it u feel an inner peace then ur on the right track.at the moment that inner peace is missing.

[Guest Chrysee]

i can best describe the way i feel as like in the movies when they swap bodies with each other. i cant help been born in a male body but no matter how ive tried to accept it and ignore the femanine feelings they seem stronger than the male ones. the male feelings allways seem to be the ones that are forced and hence i cant be happy. the way forward seems to be hrt. drop the level of test and maybe raise the estrogen and see how the feelings change. its awkward to seperate the inner felings of body gender from the outward looks expected. i would love to be able to pass as a everyday female but reality has to play a part. id be very happy passing as a butch woman. i belive that while the hormones are male biased my mind is in a constant battle between male and female and to make decisions u need to be on a level playground. i actually think from what ive read and girls ive talked to that hrt is the way to find out. they say that if when n it u feel an inner peace then ur on the right track.at the moment that inner peace is missing.

When my female side dominates I do experience that inner peace of which you speak. However, being androgynous means that the male side now and then wants to get behind the wheel and drive. I attended my grandson's football game last Saturday and warm really warm clothes which, even though some items were female, made me look too manly. I felt like I was lying to everybody that saw me.

H.R.T. continues to elude me, but I imagine that arriving there would be like reentering Eden which, as the late Prof. Joseph Campbell stated, is not a geographical location but something within each of us.

Thanks for making me think.

With love,

Cissy

[Guest jody h]

i belive that any transition should be done in steps. im no medical expert but what i wrong with just dropping the testosterone levels first to see if that has a deciding impact on your decision. for a lot of people full transition is not sensible because of family, work ect but do they try lesser forms of hrt to see if thats all they need to feel better. so many seem to aproach this full throttle with such predetermined ideas of how they will look and feel that i think they get tunnel vision.

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Yeah. In my experience, it seems like a lot of trans people and professionals who deal with trans people still have the gender binary mindset. One time a therapist asked me what I did when I was in "female mode" and I had to explain that I don't have one; this is as feminine as I ever plan on being. He was very confused. Or, for example, what bugs me most is that a "real-life test" is a prerequisite for sex-reassignment surgery, as if a therapist has to verify "yep, this person's a girl; give her the right parts." I'd definitely prefer female genitals but I still want to retain my androgynous, non-girl identity darn it!

I took the "take it slow" route before anyone had suggested it to me. The usual "start wearing this, walking like this, talking like this, and if you do it well enough, people will consider you a girl" sounds really odd to me. A gradual transition sounds better for all parties involved. Better for me because I get a wider variety of experience. Better for my family's comfort level. Etc.

1. Began HRT

2. 6 months later, started grooming my super-bushy eyebrows

3. 6 months later, started electrolysis

4. 6 months later, started shaving/waxing my leg hair

5. 6 months later, started wearing a sports bra daily without worrying about hiding it

6. 6 months later, started changing my voice (gradually!)

I imagine an argument against this would be that it makes people uncomfortable. But, to be honest, people who "don't pass" make me far more uncomfortable. I can never "not pass" because there's no standard for how I'm supposed to look! I've actually been told my androgyny is strangely comforting to some people: they don't expect anything of me and they don't get the sense that I expect anything of them. I'm "easy to get along with" which is a strange change for me; people used to tell me I looked angry all the time before I started HRT.

Also, being in the middle, I simply feel like I have more freedom to express myself differently day-to-day which is great. Before when I couldn't really pass as a girl, I thought if I could then I'd try to every day. Now that I think I really can pass as a girl, I only occasionally try to (it really just involves more-methodic grooming than I care to do every day). I just feel great when someone ma'ams me and then suddenly finds the need to correct themselves.

[Guest Chrysee]

Isn't getting "Ma'amed' just the best? Then it becomes a shoot-out: they apologize and you tell them it's okay which only makes them more strongly emphasize the apology, etc.

[Guest Salicone]

I want to take hormones as early as I can, but doing so, I have to COME OUT, There's a risk my parents will DISOWN me, and my dreams of being finally happy will be ruined.

I definitely will when I am of legal age.

I will have SRS.

[Guest Asuri]

I don`t want any hormones or surgeries.

Biologically i'm a girl, but I feel like something in between. Neither boy nor girl.

I`m very lucky, because my face is very androgynous. People look at me and wonder if I'm a man or a woman ^^

I go to the gym for 6 months now and it really works! My breasts have become smaller (they were not so big), my face is thinner and now I can wear men's shirts and no one sees my hips *yeahhhh*.

In the future I will make as much sports as I can, to become more and more androgynous .

Here in germany there a not much GTs and the most of them aren`t good