Lost, confused and uncertain

[Guest xjpopfanx]

Hi everyone, I'm 19 and a biological male. My whole life I have always wanted to be a girl, I've been so jealous of all the girls I know, the clothes they get to wear, the activities they can do that would seem strange if I did them, the way they are treated by others etc. I never really thought too much of it though for a while, I always just thought I was a gay guy and lots of gay guys are more feminine so it is probably normal. Upon getting closer with the gay community I've realised that it isn't a normal feeling, most of those feminine guys like being a guy and would never even consider swapping genders.

This got me to look further inside myself to realise I'm scared, this mindset is making me really miserable but I'm too afraid to get an operation and hormones because I feel like I'll be marginalised by society. This has been getting harder in recent years because it seems that instead of growing up to look more masculine I've went the other way! EVERY day I go out, I'm mistaken for a girl by people that don't know me. I'm always called miss, I can walk into the girl's toilets without problem (in fact when I go into the male toilets I'm told I'm in the wrong ones!), straight guys hit on me when I'm out. I feel like my life is a sick joke, if I look so much like a girl why couldn't I just have been born one!? AH. >_< I'm ranting now. Anyway, basically, I need some advice and options. I've been looking around the forums but there is a lot of terminology and abbreviations being used that I'm not familiar with so I thought I'd post here.

Thanks, sorry that is a bit of a mess, my head is just spinning right now. ^^;;

[MackenzieB]

I would recommend a therapist. They can help sort out those feelings and thoughts for you.

No, I don't think you should jump into hormones unless that is the path you need to do. Hormones can be a one way ticket and if you're not absolutely certain then that could be something you regret at a later date.

If you had posted that you had a desire to lean towards the masculine side of things, I'd recommend a Doctor as perhaps it's a testosterone issue. I'm no expert.

Really, sort through your feelings prior to doing anything else. A Gender Therapist can be one's greatest Friend and Allie at the point which you're describing.

[JJ]

It does sound like things are confusing for you right now! My first suggestion would be to go to a Dr and have some testing done. There can be a number of medical conditions that could account for you being more feminine rather than less as puberty progresses and it would be best to rule them out so you know the best course for you to take. It is possible for instance that you may have some female organs internally that aren't apparent without an exam or x-rays. That is pure speculation and just an example but as feminine as you look in your profile pic and from what you are describing I think you need to be sure what is causing it. Will that make you not trans. No. Just help to know what steps to take.

While hormone replacement is a decision each individual must make for themselves I think thatnot all trans people are marginalized by society and in fact some of us function better and are in some ways better accepted by society because we are comfortable at last in out own skins. More and more protections for us are being put into place and trans people hold every imaginable position. But yes we are still discriminated against in many areas. Again this is an individual decision

I agree with Caitlin that a Gender Therapist also needs to be a priority. They can help you figure out who you are and what you need to do to live the best life for you.

Lastly if you list the terms and abbreviations you don't understand we will be glad to define or explain them

Johnny