99% of problems, solved :)

[KimOrbit]

well, tonight I had a nice experience that I am going to share it with you.

first of all, at last my father understand me. He has started supporting me. even my Mother has started supporting. then I am happy now.

the first thing My father has done is finding the best GT of my country. as a mater of fact, the best GT was his friend. My new GT is the head of TS department in my country's government. well tonight my father took me there. We talked with each other and after that he explained things to my father. well, he told me :" I must talk with you a lot. I can show you 2 or 3 transsexuals in Shiraz. " well, he is experienced and he is the best case for me.

I have made my mind. I will wait till he prescribe hormones for me.

THANK GOD. at last my family is going to be supportive.

all my love with you, Kim

[JenniferB]

That is fantastic Kim. I am relieved that your parents are supportive now. You are well on your way. I'm betting your GT follows the old SoC so it's going to take at least a few months to be diagnosed as a TS. It's good to have this therapy anyway, transitioning will drastically change your life and the GT will help you along the way. Patience is very important and you will become your true self sooner than you think. Then you will have an entire lifetime ahead of you to live as you.

May your life soon be full of peace and happiness.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

[KimOrbit]

thank you jenny,

but I am a bit confused. last GT was telling :"you are TS for sure" and this one is telling me :"we need to talk about your sentences". well, I think he is going to tell me "you are not TS" but that mean "you must die" for me. well,

I think you know me well, cause I were active in forum for sure. do you think I am a TS for sure?? I am a bit scared about this.

thank you so much, Kim Orbit

[Guest Mia J]

OK Kim, Slow down some.

It will usually take several months for a good gender therapist to help you decide where you fit on the gender scale and sometimes even longer. It takes time for both them and yourself to work through all of the issues.

I know you are very excited and want to just jump in at once but please remember to check to see that there is water in the bottom of the pool.

Nobody on Laura's can or is qualified to tell you if you are a TS. That is something only you can really decide with the help of your GT. But even if you are not a TS it is not the end. Your GT will work with you so that you fit into a space that will be happy and successful for you.

You don't have to fret for months. Part of this process is to start getting comfortable with who you are and there are many things you will be able to do during the process to make you feel more at ease.

Hugs

Mia

[JenniferB]

Only you know if you are TS Kim. Just be totally honest with your new GT about everything. If the GT is good the GT is going to get to know you first fore becoming comfortable enough to write you a recommendation letter. It took 8 months of therapy before I received my recommendation letter.

I believe you will be alright once your GT knows who you are.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

[KimOrbit]

thank you so much,

but you know, its hard to wait for 8 month or so. in Iran it usually takes 6 month. well as you know time is money, And I am in my golden time. Im scared of loosing my golden time. just that.

I dont want to walk over a way that I had visited before. I had checked every thing in my self for 5 years. Its 5 years that I believe I am a TS and in the way I had 5 attempt of suicide. well, I am sure about my self, I know I am girl. why I can't love a girl?? why I easily fall in love of a boy?? why I hate my penis?? and lots of other why questions has made me to make my way. I have walked in this way for 5 years and I think walking is enough. Its time to fly. well, All I am trying to show to others is this: "I dont want to walk any more, I want to fly on my own"

<< HUGS >>

Kim

[JenniferB]

If you have waited for 5 years, what's 6 more months? The biggest thing about transitioning is you must learn to be patient. Every step of the way takes time. There are other things you can and need to work on while you are waiting. You can work on your voice and mannerisms as a couple examples. I'm sure others will come up with many more things you can work on while waiting on HRT. You are very young and HRT should work wonders on you. I didn't start until I was 51.

Please don't ruin your chances and put your health at risk. There are many things that can happen with your health if you aren't monitored. Ask some of the members here who self-medicated and they will know someone who has lost their life or became disabled.

One problem that can arise from taking hormones is deep vein thrombosis. These are blood clots in the veins in your legs. They can dislodge from your leg and cause a pulmonary embolism. A Pulmonary Embolism is a blockage of the main artery through the lungs and because of this puts too much pressure on the heart. It can cause a stroke or death because of heart failure. Very dangerous without having your hormones monitored. You can also damage your liver or kidneys if not monitored.

Hormones aren't something to play around with. They are very powerful. Please don't self-medicate.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

[KimOrbit]

thank you for warnings. I will keep them in mind.

but you said :"If you have waited for 5 years, what's 6 more months?" you know, I am a fast human. I want to do every thing as fast as possible, then its hard for me to wait. because I had done a big mistake 2 month ago. I am ashamed of telling that but I must say. I have used estradiol pills for a week. once a day. and now I think I am addicted to them. A doctor told me that 7 pills wont do any thing and I just trust an awful doctor. but from that time I had headaches. bad headaches. well Its one of the reasons that I am telling that I am in need of HRT.

all my love, Kim

[Guest ignota]

Wonderful news about your family

I think with us young people it's very easy to get impatient about things. (Guilty!). Slow down, do it properly, and hopefully you'll be a bride one day rather than just the bridesmaid I'm glad you had the courage to tell us. People on Laura's have seen what happens with HRT without a doctor, so we can get a li'l protective!

Just remember - something I should remember too, but hopefully bossing you around will help me see the light too - you're in the process, and the wheels are turning. Things are moving, towards your destination! All you have to do is wait, and you'll get there!

[Carolyn Marie]

Kim, I am seeing a pattern with you that I don't think is good. You are flying high one moment, sure that (as indicated in the thread title) every problem is solved, and everything is going fine. Then, hours or days (or sometimes even minutes) later, you are in the depths of depression, again talking about suicide.

Kim, there is an expression that is sometimes used here: "Keeping an even strain." It means not letting things get you rattled, taking things in stride, keeping a reign on your emotions. This constant up and down is hard to maintain and will make life very difficult. Things are almost never that good, or that bad. They are usually somewhere in the middle.

I would be suspicious of any therapist who gave you a diagnosis on your very first meeting. I doubt its possible to do that. You need to find patience and let things take their course. Nothing happens in one day, and like the others have said, a few weeks will do no harm. What is the alternative, suicide? Just because you need to wait? Come on, Kim, you are smarter than that. You cannot transition if you are dead.

You are not an old person, you're adult life is just getting started. You have plenty of time, Kim. Take it easy, take a breath, and have faith that things will work out in your favor.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[KimOrbit]

thank you a lot,

I am just a bit frustrated. as I mentioned in the first post, 99% of my problems are solved. but the thing that is bothering me is waiting.....

I have made my mind to wait, till my doctor tells me "you are a TS". well that talking about suicide was not about doing it again I was just telling that I had all my problems passed. as you mention my last post http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=37945&pid=355359&st=0entry355359 I have tried to stop some one from self cutting, well how can I do that my self??

Today, I looked over my life again. I found lights when I was thinking it was dark. I found that my life had always a light to follow, but I couldn't see that. that light was my behavior and my self. my destination, that I must reach that. Its hard to die with name of a boy and every one holds you in his/her mind as a boy. well, I think "I will not die, Im waiting for my true self, in my time of dying." then I have to keep my self cool.

but all the think I am nervous about, is my ability to talk. I can write good. I can show my feelings and my meanings in my writings. but I cant convince some one with my words from my mouth. I am scared about this. I think I can't explain things good enough for my GT but Ill do my best

Thank you all,

Kim Orbit

[Guest ignota]

Kim, if you feel you can express yourself better in writing rather than speech, why don't you write down how you feel and ask your GT to read it? I've done this before, I've found it quite useful.

I'm glad you're seeing a way through to be yourself I know it's easy to get frustrated, but things ARE moving, so try not to worry

[KimOrbit]

thank you, that's a great Idea. I will write every thing. cause I have enough time to write every thing. And I think its more easy. really I am wondered about how smart you are

but I think its more easy to write every thing English instead of Persian, and I think my GT knows English. well is it good to write every thing in English??