In general, how well do they take the news?

[Guest Nikki_R]

Hi!

I'm x-navy. Those years are some of the fondest of my life. I met and worked side by side with people I am still friends with. With that said I am really nervous to tell that large circle of friends and acquaintances. They meant a lot to me, and really I have no desire to lose any of them. If anyone else came out to their old military friends, how did it go?

Hugs!

Nikki

[Drea]

First I would ask why do you wish to tell them and what do you hope to achieve?

For example:

Are you wanting to tell because you are transitioning? In that case it would be self explanitory.

Are you wanting to tell because you are thinking about transitioning? Probably a good idea to figure out if transitioning first.

Wanting to tell because of having the secret so want to be open even if not transitioning? If so, what is hoped to be achieved.

Wanting to go on hormones without intention of transitioning so think they should know?

Just wanting to tell so you can present female around them?

In all cases, I would recommend discussing it with your therapist and work on how to come out with therapist. Also to understand what is hoped to be achieved. Comming out can not be undone and in my opinion good planning pays off.

How one goes about comming out (and to extent the reasons) can have a very big effect on the outcome. Working with a therapist, not rushing to tell, tends to have better outcomes than just jumping in with both feet.

As far as military people accepting in general, I suspect it is mixed bag like with most. I know someone who has a navy seals background and she had good results and has positive interactions with all the vet associations she is involved with. That is a very big part of her life.

[Carolyn Marie]

Nikki, Drea makes some excellent points in her reply. I certainly endorse discussing it with your therapist first, and thinking very carefully about it.

Donna Jean came out to friends she had in the military, and had good results. But no one's experience can tell you what yours will be. What happens is as variable as the people involved, and no two situations are the same.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Nikki_R]

Hi! Thank you for the replies!

Why do I wish to tell them? Hmmm...

They are a group of people I trusted my life with and they entrusted me with theirs. They actually trusted me more than most people too, as I was in a position of a lot of responsibility and considered to be in charge of the defense of the ship. In all things but this one minor detail regarding my gender identity, I was totally open with them. So out of honor? Maybe respect? I dunno honestly how to put the emotion into words. Maybe out of trust?

Plus being a very digital person, and moving through the "tubes" of the net freely all day long it won't be long until they know via FB and other resources. So I have been playing / writing coming out letters for my various circles of friends.

But certainly, I believe in caution and timing.

Hugs!

[Guest Hlali]

I've come out to a few of my old military friends. They seemed to vary between "I'd have never guessed" and "Hey, you look good." Still, I think a lot of it has to do with the culture of the unit that you were in; whether or not were there a lot of homophobes and intolerance is a good litmus test, I think. A lot of people I was friends with while I was in are fairly intelligent, open-minded people, so I've had results that reflected that, generally.

As for /my/ reasons for coming out to them...for one, the gradual changes in my profile photos online was a general hint, and then when the name change came. -shrug- It just seemed like an appropriate thing to do, to explain what was going on (since they asked). It's nice to stay in touch with the people that I was close to and be honest with them.