Not sure where I should be?

[Guest allwrappedupinit]

I'm new here and not sure where I should be?

I think I'm a crossdresser, but do to the sexual urges I have when dressed some say that I could be a Transvestite?

This is my story and hope that someone can help me find which direction to go in!

I started wearing my Moms dresses when I was between 8-10 yrs. old. and it felt so natural to just hang out and watch TV in her dress.

I had 3 older brothers and only one knew of what I was doing and because I was so young it really didn't matter to him.

As I got older I would go into her room, or the laundry room and look for panties, bras, stockings, slips, anything that was silky, or satin and I would put them on but now I was hiding it as I was getting more into dressing in her clothes.

It would always end with a some type of sexual release because the feeling of the clothes would really excite me.

Then I began to get fully dressed and put on her wig, make-up and perfume. I even got caught by my Grandmother one day fully dressed as she walked into the bathroom to put clothes in the hamper and all she said to me was you better put all those things back before your Mom gets home OK. I was kind of shocked but that was all she said and we never spoke again about it!

I had stopped dressing for a while when I was in my 20's I don't know why i just did I guess it was because of the girls I was dating kept me satisfied??

It wasn't until I got married and started to help my wife do the laundry that the urge to dress started coming back. I was folding her panties one day and the feeling of the satin in my hands where enough to get me right back into it!

Only thing was she didn't know and I kept it a secret for over 5 yrs. from her!

Then one night as she was getting undressed after a night out of partying I expressed to her that I wanted to try on her stockings..she just laughed and said go ahead!!

When I put them on she said you know for a man you are pretty damn good at putting those things on, I guess you've done this before haven't you? She said that would explain to me why all of my clothes are stretched out wouldn't it?

All I could say was yes! The cat was out of the bag and I was caught!

I was excited, and embarrassed at the same time. I went to take them off and she said no leave them on and lets talk!

We talked for a while and I told her of my dressing as a child and she was upset at first and asked me all the questions I guess that most wive's would ask...are you gay, do you like men, do you want to be a woman?

All my answers where NO, I just like dressing in womens clothes, that's it!! It excites me!!

Needless to say we had a great night and I wound up waking up in her panties and bra!!

Well 25 yrs. later we are still together and she allows me to dress but only in lingerie sometimes when we have sex.

I still have the urge to dress fully and do in secret but I don't know how to get it across to her that I want to. I mean I have hinted but she's not biting!

She has bought me lingerie, and nighties but that's it and it has satisfied me all these years but now I want more and don't know how to get it across to her without scaring her away??

It's hard enough to find a woman who is somewhat accepting of what we do and to loose her would tear my world apart!

I also have 2 grown children that have no idea of what I do either and that makes it difficult as well!!

So there you have it I'm open to all suggestions, and help that you can offer me!!

Thank You!

P.S.

I don't have a femme name but if I did it would probably be Darlene!

[VickySGV]

Hi Darlene, its really not necessary to lable your self in any category here. This does appear to be the correct forum for what you described in your post though, since you are still a "closet case" as far as your family goes, there are forums on Coming Out,dealing with spouses and children (parents) etc. that will be helpful to you. Its possible you can find something to help you deal with your spouse and get her to be comfortable with your increased need to dress.

Please do read the Rules and Guidelines Forum because we do have people as young as 13 years old here in the Playground and they are important to us. I am in my 60's though so don't let your age and length of marriage mean you are not fully welcome here. My suggestion is to post something over on the Introductions Forum, because thats where we make a point of greeting new folks and getting to know them as people. Welcome!!

[Guest allwrappedupinit]

Hi Vicky, and Thank's!

I'm sorry if I offended any of the youger persons on the site, that was not my intention!

i do realize how important it is to be able to find someplace that you can deem safe to be yourself as people can be cruel!

I will go over to the intro page and put a post. I am looking forward to all the wonderful advice that I might be able to get from this site!

Thank You!

Darlene, it is!!