Help? Inspiration? Just Someone To Listen To Me Rant?

[Guest Mel7]

All right, well for the passed few weeks I have been letting my step-mom and the rest of my family doll me up with a cute haircut, enforcing makeup on me, and getting me new clothes. (I have yet to get a new bra btw, which I really need, no matter much I would rather not have these...these...boobs.) For a while I thought that perhaps this was all a phase, that maybe now that I look cuter than before, that I was all better and finally a girl.

But...I still so badly want to be what I am inside: a gay boy. : [

I can't get over it but I just don't want to look butch. I want to look like a boy, but not a a small levee. I don't know. Like, when I think of a small levee and Butch, I think ugly(No Offense!) and I just don't want that.

Then, on top of that problem, the one friend that I told about it, thinks that she wants to be a boy. I'm sorry, but it PISSES me the F*** off that she would even tell me that because I know for a D*** fact that she is not like that. The only reason she feels that way is because she thinks she will get more guys if she does, or that she will be cuter. If you knew her, you would see right through it and know. I hate it because she doesn't understand how serious it is and it's like she's making fun of me for it. I want to tell her about it but she's already tried to start a fight with me for getting a guitar, and then for not inviting every single effin' place I go.

Then, there is a new boy at school that I was sort of interested in but he's gay. : [ Which wouldn't be bad if I looked like a boy but...I don't. And my name is really girly. >_<

I'm just so flustered. A 16yr old with nothing.

*sigh*

[Guest Konnor]

C'mon now, you don't have "nothing"....I'm sure you have a great family and lots of friends, and you seem like a really nice person. I know it feels like life couldn't get any worse right now, and you might feel like that for a while, but everything's going to start looking up for you, just wait. I know where you're coming from 100%...my parents think this is a "stage" too, and they think if they push me to be really girly, it will just go away. All I can really tell you is to do what makes you happy, no matter what everyone else says. If you want to be a gay boy, then go for it. What matters at the end of the day is not what everyone else thinks of you or what they say, it's that you are happy and comfortable with yourself. I'm not exactly sure what a levee is... but not all gay men are masculine, you can be whoever you want to be. In regards to your mate who wants to be a boy, I think you two need to sit down and have a talk. Explain to her how serious you are and how you feel about this. Make sure she knows that you're not doing it to pick up guys or be more attractive, you're doing it because it is you and this is who you are. Stress how big of a decision this is and that it needs to be thought out. In regards to the guy that you're attracted to, who knows? All you can do is talk to him and if you get to know him and are comfortable with it, let him know how you feel about your gender identity. I hope this helps and I wasn't just rambling...good luck to you, and if you want to talk, there's info in my profile. Just know you're not alone and you definitely don't have "nothing"!

[Guest joeytheman16]

All right, well for the passed few weeks I have been letting my step-mom and the rest of my family doll me up with a cute haircut, enforcing makeup on me, and getting me new clothes. (I have yet to get a new bra btw, which I really need, no matter much I would rather not have these...these...boobs.) For a while I thought that perhaps this was all a phase, that maybe now that I look cuter than before, that I was all better and finally a girl.

But...I still so badly want to be what I am inside: a gay boy. : [

I can't get over it but I just don't want to look butch. I want to look like a boy, but not a a small levee. I don't know. Like, when I think of a small levee and Butch, I think ugly(No Offense!) and I just don't want that.

Then, on top of that problem, the one friend that I told about it, thinks that she wants to be a boy. I'm sorry, but it PISSES me the F*** off that she would even tell me that because I know for a D*** fact that she is not like that. The only reason she feels that way is because she thinks she will get more guys if she does, or that she will be cuter. If you knew her, you would see right through it and know. I hate it because she doesn't understand how serious it is and it's like she's making fun of me for it. I want to tell her about it but she's already tried to start a fight with me for getting a guitar, and then for not inviting every single effin' place I go.

Then, there is a new boy at school that I was sort of interested in but he's gay. : [ Which wouldn't be bad if I looked like a boy but...I don't. And my name is really girly. >_<

I'm just so flustered. A 16yr old with nothing.

*sigh*

Mel, if I were you I would probably bite that girls head off. But since she is your friend I would just tell her that she doesn't understand what it's really like.

Stupid question...why don't you just talk to the guy? Get to be good friends with him then maybe let him know how you feel. Ya never know what people are gonna say.

You can talk to me whenever you want. I'm here pretty much everyday. To make you feel better I'm only 16 so it's not like you would be talkin to some 90yr old child molestor or anything like that.

---Joey

[Guest Nekomata]

Make sure your hand is clean before you point own fingers. Would you want your friend doubting your transness or saying 'Mel you only want to be a boy because of this&that etc' ?

Respect their feelings if they want to be a boy and support them. That's what a friend is for, right? Our community already has enough fighting among itself. However, do you KNOW your friend wants to be a boy because they specifically said this, or is this just something you think and is completely your opinion?

If it's the former, and your friend only does want to be a boy because they think it will net them more boys for dates, then you are in the right, and what they are doing is dangerous and reckless.

If your friend is in fact playing with gender because it's a fad or a phase or something 'new and cool' to them, I can understand your frustration. I had a friend like that once. I just kept being polite with them, and taking whatever they said at face value. Eventually they came to the fact that they aren't trans and were just playing with it, but they fully understand and support me. I didn't want to tell them "I told you so." and cause a strain. Instead I just told them I am proud of them for being mature enough to admit the truth and live a way that's most comfortable to them and just being themselves. It might take your friend a bit of time to grow up, so if you value them as a friend just bear with it.

Statistically speaking, the best way to 'get more boys' would be to be a feminine girls. The largest percentage of males are straight and prefer a feminine partner. Quality vs. Quantity, though. I can understand your and your friends' affinity for gay males, though, because I highly prefer the rare, refined, beautiful, intelligent meterosexual males, myself. You should let your friend know that changing someone's gender just for a perceived social benefit will end in disaster.

[Guest Mel7]

C'mon now, you don't have "nothing"....I'm sure you have a great family and lots of friends, and you seem like a really nice person. I know it feels like life couldn't get any worse right now, and you might feel like that for a while, but everything's going to start looking up for you, just wait. I know where you're coming from 100%...my parents think this is a "stage" too, and they think if they push me to be really girly, it will just go away. All I can really tell you is to do what makes you happy, no matter what everyone else says. If you want to be a gay boy, then go for it. What matters at the end of the day is not what everyone else thinks of you or what they say, it's that you are happy and comfortable with yourself. I'm not exactly sure what a levee is... but not all gay men are masculine, you can be whoever you want to be. In regards to your mate who wants to be a boy, I think you two need to sit down and have a talk. Explain to her how serious you are and how you feel about this. Make sure she knows that you're not doing it to pick up guys or be more attractive, you're doing it because it is you and this is who you are. Stress how big of a decision this is and that it needs to be thought out. In regards to the guy that you're attracted to, who knows? All you can do is talk to him and if you get to know him and are comfortable with it, let him know how you feel about your gender identity. I hope this helps and I wasn't just rambling...good luck to you, and if you want to talk, there's info in my profile. Just know you're not alone and you definitely don't have "nothing"!

I thank you so much for your advice. It's not that I have 'nothing', it's that I meant to say that I'm like 16 and haven't a bf or anything like that. Completely...virginal in every aspect, XD heheh.. .eh, yeah.

My parents don't know, either. I am too afraid to tell any of them. They would rip my head off, especially my dad. I didn't mean a levee either, I meant to put the D-word for lesbian but it changed on me. XD

Also...I'm afraid to talk to guys. I know, I feel so stupid about it, but I suck at it. I get red-faced and shy and feel that they can tell not only that I am interested, but because I want to be a boy.

[Guest Mel7]

Mel, if I were you I would probably bite that girls head off. But since she is your friend I would just tell her that she doesn't understand what it's really like.

Stupid question...why don't you just talk to the guy? Get to be good friends with him then maybe let him know how you feel. Ya never know what people are gonna say.

You can talk to me whenever you want. I'm here pretty much everyday. To make you feel better I'm only 16 so it's not like you would be talkin to some 90yr old child molestor or anything like that.

---Joey

Believe me, I really, really, really wanted to yell at her about it and pull her hair and punch her in the-...well. You know. But we were at the mall and with another friend that doesn't know about me, so I decided not to. The next time I hear it, though, I'm going to talk to her about it.

And I get nervous and crap around cute guys. I'm dense, too, so if they did start liking me, I would have no idea, haha! XD

[Guest joeytheman16]

Believe me, I really, really, really wanted to yell at her about it and pull her hair and punch her in the-...well. You know. But we were at the mall and with another friend that doesn't know about me, so I decided not to. The next time I hear it, though, I'm going to talk to her about it.

And I get nervous and crap around cute guys. I'm dense, too, so if they did start liking me, I would have no idea, haha! XD

Haha I know how you feel! I found out this girl I liked in 6th-8th grade liked me...the end of my junior yr of high school!

Don't worry, if you have a good friend, they will find out for ya!

---Joey

[Guest Cody_T]

It was really the period when I started dressing up, wearing makeup and losing weight and basically looking prettier so that I should have been happy with myself that I realized that that it not who I am at all. I'm not into the butch look either, simply because it involves *being a girl*, but since I made the decision to go with this and not look back, I haven't worn anything girly at all, and I don't care how I look because it feels a lot better.

I'm also gay, but people have tended to think that I'm a lesbian due to my non sexual behavior. It probably doesn't help that I'm completely virginal also ... the thought of anyone liking me in my current state is just repulsive I guess.

I'm sorry about your friend, but I think that you should handle that delicately, because you never know exactly what is motivating her behavior. It could be that she's genuinely questioning her gender and doesn't know how to correctly express it. She could have some other issue going on and it's manifesting itself like that. Just because you don't think she's believable doesn't mean she doesn't seriously need you. For instance, the more serious the subject the more I make jokes and laugh, so people don't tend to believe me when I say things (comes majorly in handy when I feel the urge to drop a trans hint lol)

As for the guy... talk to him! Don't go at it from a relationship standpoint, because he'll probably think that is strange, but you should become friends with him. Most gay people tend to be more understanding of transgender, and he'll be helpful with your being gay. I've only told one person, because I knew it wouldn't freak him out, and when I did he told me he was gay. We haven't been closer, now that we have all of this stuff to talk about. Who knows, maybe he'll get to know you as a guy and like you. And if not, he could be a major help for adjusting to the new lifestyle.

and if you would like to talk to me, i'm 17 (so i'm a little bit closer to that 90 year old child molester ) and I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain (and apparently, lines from shrek movies)

but in all seriousness, if you want to talk i'm here

[Guest Evan_J]

If your friend is in fact playing with gender because it's a fad or a phase or something 'new and cool' to them, I can understand your frustration. I had a friend like that once. I just kept being polite with them, and taking whatever they said at face value. Eventually they came to the fact that they aren't trans and were just playing with it, but they fully understand and support me. I didn't want to tell them "I told you so." and cause a strain. Instead I just told them I am proud of them for being mature enough to admit the truth and live a way that's most comfortable to them and just being themselves. It might take your friend a bit of time to grow up, so if you value them as a friend just bear with it.

Statistically speaking, the best way to 'get more boys' would be to be a feminine girls. The largest percentage of males are straight and prefer a feminine partner. Quality vs. Quantity, though. I can understand your and your friends' affinity for gay males, though, because I highly prefer the rare, refined, beautiful, intelligent meterosexual males, myself. You should let your friend know that changing someone's gender just for a perceived social benefit will end in disaster.

I just had to throw it up in print again because you said it so well.