GID Division and progression...

[Guest Lilith]

I have been thinking about the gender identity disorder, where it comes from, how it manifests and how it progresses...

So here is a little theory I have been cooking in my mind... I hope I am not stepping on anybodys toes with this too

much, feel free to poke any holes you see...

So... This is how I think (at least today) it might go...

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1. Child is born, with more or less female brain in male body (or vice versa...)

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2. During the early years the child notices that "his" body doesn't match "her" mind and is forced to make a choise.

Which choise s/he makes may depend on many factors... How strong the mismatch between the mind/body is, is propably

a big factor but how other people reacts to the apparent gender atypical behaviour and what kind of personality s/he have

(intro/extrovert) may very well override in either direction... The choise may not be exactly conscious and free, what ever:

Gender, Personality, Outside Pressure comes on top just forces it... But a division will occur:

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3A. The child embrases her inner gender identity and begins to grow and mature as a girl...

3B. The child embrases "his" outer gender and begins to develope a fake gender identity to match...

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4A. Her identity have grown but she maybe overcompensating, presenting excessively girly girl and is propably growing to

hate and despise her outer gender characteristics...

4B. "His" fake identity is refined and while something of the original real self is propably still bubbling to the surface it is

kept well hidden and agressively denied, especially to others but propably mostly also to one self...

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5A. As the puberty approaches the gender dysphoria spikes as a clear female indentity have developed but now the

expected physiological changes look like the end of everything, possibly a transition or die mind set emerges...

5B. As the puberty approaches the gender dysphoria have become virtually non existent, and the coming changes are

possibly even embrased as they are expected to wash away any last remnants of any gender related doubts...

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6A. Towards the end of puberty, if she transitioned then she maybe quite happy, if not then things maybe quite bad...

Well I don't really have any idea what going on here really...

6B. Towards the end of puberty, the "boy" finds that there was an unexpected "side effect" to all this. While the body

now looks more clearly male as "he" may have hoped, the body wasn't the only thing that changed... Nope... Sexual

identity also emerged with its unexpectedly rather feminine face (propably), and is causing bit of a stir...

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6A. As an adult... Whats going on here, I have no idea really... just life... good or bad... something...

6B. As an adult... "His" sexual identity... IS... It have not and will not be suppressed, and it is propably going around

poking holes in the walls he tried to build around his true self throughout his life whether he wants to or not... The girl

is coming out, one way or the other...

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So what ya think ? Am I way off ?

[Guest apostate79]

Interesting summary, concise and to the point. I am a little bit confused by your term "sexual identity" though. Are you referring to sexual orientation, gender identity, or the overall relationship between the two?

[Guest Lilith]

Interesting summary, concise and to the point. I am a little bit confused by your term "sexual identity" though. Are you referring to sexual orientation, gender identity, or the overall relationship between the two?

Definitely not sexual orientation... I have read about the subject a lot around the internet and there are the same

stuff coming up everywhere: How early transitioners are homosexuals and late transitioners are autogynephiliacs.

But... At least I find it hard to believe..

Like for example to think that a little Boy, who thinks him self a boy but is "destined" at some point in the far away

future become sexually attracted to men (about which he don't even know about yet), is early on going to start to

act a girl just because of that sexual orientation that is going to manifest someday... Thats just absurd...

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But anyway... to Sexual identity... I don't know if there is such a term, I just made it up while writing but what I was

referring to is somekind of a Sexual gender identity... or the sexual part of the "Gender identity" or... something...

ie... Think you are a girl inside, maybe... But in a male body, and to blend in and to be accepted you feel you need

to be a boy, so you build an artificial male self, a mask, a shell around you, through which you interact with the world.

You suppress or try to, any and all feminine intrests and feelings and deny they even exist, and try to act as boyish

as you can, doing 100% boy stuff all the time, and over time those activitions just grow into you, no matter how you

originally felt and how you feel now, they just become normal, a habit... And those girly things inside, fade and fade

away untill you can barely notice them...

But then... hormones kick in... You become attracted to girls, and your body starts to become a man, and at first its

good, no way the girl stuff could come up and show through anymore... it great!

But... but ? Noo! Something aint right... Your having sexual fantasies, and you picture your self a girl, but that aint

right ? Right ? Your supposed to be over this now! So you try to force a change, you try to forcefully picture your

self as a man in your fantasy, but no no no... you switched your role back to a girl in midfantasy!!! something or

someone inside you keep changing you back to a girl no matter what you try...

So.. thats the "Sexual gender identity"...

[Guest Kaitlyn16]

The B series sounds scaringly close to me... It makes me almost want to cry that I gave in to the pressure and denied who I truly was. And if your theory is correct, then I did it not once, but twice. That hurts me even more... I don't want to deny my inner girl her rightful place again... but I'm afraid I will end up caving in to the social pressures again >.<

I really don't know about the A series, seeing as thats not the way I ended up going, so I can only talk about the B one.

3- I really do think this identity I constructed was fake, or at least I desperately hope it is.

4- I don't know if 'aggresively' is the right term here, but I am pretty sure I did deny it... It makes me so sad, I can remember how feminine I was when I was really little, and I can't believe that I caved in to pressure and stopped doing it...

5- This part is tricky in my situation... I talked about my school 'sex talk' before, and how I wanted to be in the girls group more, but I wasn't exactly dissapointed to be in the boys group either... It was around this time that my gender dysphoria became extreme for the first time since I denied it. I went through a phase of wanting to be a girl again, so to say that the desire was non-existent wouldn't be entirely correct, at least not in my case. As for the embracing puberty part, I know I embraced puberty, but I never really thought about why... if your theory is correct, then I denied my true self a second time... This makes me want to cry... >.<

6- This is also tricky... I thought I was attracted to women, but I don't know anymore... My reasons for wanting sex seem more based on emotions rather than just because 'it feels good' like most guys seem to talk about. I am really afraid though, because I find myself *ahem* aroused, more and more each day, and I really hope that this is just the testosterone, because if the rest of your theory is true, then I already denied my true gende twice, and I don't want to end up denying my sexuality too... >.<

7- It's true. I think... I pretty much explained my reasoning in number 6 already though.

Just an interesting side note, when I look back in retrospect, I feel like I did some feminine things without realizing it. Like in my school a lot of boys grew their hair pretty long and I instantly started growing my hair out too. I also found flipping my hair to be very enjoyable, my one friend said that he did it because girls found it attractive, and while I don't remember my exact reason for flipping my hair, I know that that was not it.

Wow though, the second series sounds insanely like me... It's almost unbeliveable. Another interesting thought is this voice, that I only recently discovered, that is telling me to behave more femininely, it feels like I could resist it if I tried, but I don't want to, in fact I constantly find myself trying to strengthen that voice... I think it probably formed when I was really little, I must have felt guilty about wanting to behave effeminately, and so I must have ended up storing all of my 'girly' thoughts inside my head. I'm guessing that they just began gathering up slowly over the years, until they finally became so powerful, that the slightest reminder of anything gender related would set it off. That's a really interesting cycle you came up with though, and sounds exactly like me...