understanding my identity

[Guest BethDragonFay]

Hi Beth here,

im new to the site and the trans community all together. I cut right to the chase.... From what all I can remember about my childhood i seemed pretty normal. it wasn't till... i want to say, 3-5 grade before i started to notice differences between me and everyone else. I know sounds familiar right? but i quickly brushed it off and moved on. This feeling presented itself again in middle school, when i noticed 1... most of my friends were female, 2.... i could "keep up" with the female thought process, and 3... i started thinking about how much more prettier the other girls were than I. but like any other kid i ignored the issue and over compensated by trying to be more like one of the guys (which didn't work well). In high school the feelings got much worse, but by this time i had be introduced to video games and decided to vent the frustrations of these feelings on that. it has worked for the better part of 5 years but due to resent choices its back and i finally decided to explore the feelings thoroughly. I studied as much as i could about transgender and other things but this has been the best solution i could think of but i still have my doubts. I cross dress on occasion but its always in the comfort and safety of my own home. I have talk to both my parents and my wife and they are all very supportive of the idea but think that i need to really work at trying to work out my feelings towards this.... and here in-lies the problem. due to the rules of my job i i am not legally allowed to seek any medical attention without a referral from either my primary or the health department. now most of you are probably like " oh well just tell them the situation" or "mask it as something else". Now while both are good choice that under normal conditions i would suck it up and talk to them but.... they are way more touchy than that. needless to say i could very well loose my job... and with my wife unable to work that makes it very hard to want to pursue this any further at least until i can find something better. which sadly could be years and i just dont know if i can wait any longer.

[Guest John Chiv]

Welcome to Laura's Beth.

I hope that here we can provide that safe place to be you, to figure out what is best for you and there is a lot of good information in all the forums. Thanks for introducing yourself.

John

[JJ]

Hi Beth,

Welcome to Laura's! You've found a great place to be yourself and explore your feelings.

You are in a difficult spot and hopefully as you explore gender issues and interact here you will be able to find a solution that will work for you. One possibility that occurs to me is an online Gender Therapist. They are usually less expensive than a face to face Gender Therapist and there would be far less chance of discovery I would think. They work by various methods like Skype so if one won't work keep checking. There are a lot of frauds out there so you have to be careful chosing one but there is a list on site here of verified online gender therapists

http://lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

In my opinion it could really help you decide what you need to do, what will work best in your situation and what you can live with, and then plan how best to accomplish it.

We aren't therapists, but we will be happy to share our opinions and experiences with you. Please feel free to post as much as you want in any forum whether asking questions, expressing opinions or sharing experiences. We are a PG-13 moderated site. You will have access to the PM system and profiles after 5 posts.

If you have not already done so, please read the "Terms and Conditions" page, the link to it can be found near the bottom right of most any Forum page

I enjoyed your introduction and look forward to your posts!

Johnny

[Michelle 2010]

Hi Beth, welcome,

I don't personally subscribe to the "suck it up"philosophy in this case...

I have a "revenue stream" that could be trans intolerant and it would be risky to shake that tree, so to speak.

The sad reality is that there is almost no employment protection for trans people other than government and Fortune 500 companies, which have liberal HR policies. Many have been fired or harassed in the work place and it can create an almost overwhelming sense of uncertainty and dread for those living in the shadow of possible job termination. So I agree with Johnny. If face to face therapy is financialy impossible, then the on line therapy may be the key to your self understanding and acceptance. There are alot of resources here so check them out ok? a local trans support group might be helpful for you too, but may require authorization by a therapist for you to attend...At least mine does.

Best wishes

Michelle

[Guest Kaitlyn16]

Hey Beth,

That sounds almost word for word exactly like me O.o Most of my friends through gradeschool were boys, but then once I went into highschool, an overwhelming majority of my close friends were either female, or homosexual. For the most part I was a bit of a recluse during my highschool years though... I mainly stayed inside and found myself playing videogames, I found myself especially drawn toward ones that let me pick my gender... O.o At first I thought that I was drawn toward the female characters for sexual reasons, but then I realized how much fun it was walking around and having people see me as a female, even though they probably knew I was a Guy In Real Life. (G.I.R.L. haha...)

Welcome to Laura's, and good luck figuring it all out

(By the way, online therepy might be a good idea, I've been thinking of calling one myself, but bravery and I haven't had a very cooperative relationship in the past... >.>)