I Tried But......

[Guest lauren33]

i tried finally to tell my wife about me being trans, I only got as far as telling her that i had been seeing a therapist. she had no idea that i was seeing a therapist either. i then completely fell apart. crying uncontrolably. the words being trans never even came out of my mouth. she asked why i was seeing a therapist and i told her that i wrote her a letter explaining everything better. she is not sure if she wants to read it or not yet i will be giving it to her either tonight or tomorrow. i hope she takes it well but i doubt it. i'll soon find out what she really thinks of me i'm scared but i have to do it.

i'll post her reaction soon

lauren xoxo

[Guest Michele H]

Best of luck to you. Sounds like you hope your relationship can continue and I hope that for you as well but you need to be prepared that your lives may now go in different directions. Also, your wife is going to need lots of time to 'process' - you need to allow for that as well.

[Guest CharliTo]

I definitely agree to what Michele is saying ...and most of all...I hope you the best...

*hug*

[Guest lauren33]

well i finally did it. i told my wife that i am tg. i told her to read the letter i had written her. she said well why don't you just tell me? i said ok and the next thing that happened was so amazing and completely shocking and unexpected. she looked me right in the eyes and said "you think your a girl don't you?". i completely broke down all i could do was nod. she told me she loves me anyway i doesn't care she. just wants me to be honest with her. i was so blown away that she just already knew. i have been torturing myself all this time for nothing. always expecting the absolute worst. i am so relieved that i don't have to hide anymore. i haven't cried like that for a very long time. my eyes are still soar. i never would have been able to come out at all to her if it weren't for the wonderful people on this site. so i sincerely thank everyone of you from the bottom of my heart. thank you thank you thank you.

love lauren xoxo

[Guest Dr.Metropolis]

That's really great! I'm also married and haven't told my wife about my possible transsexuality - first therapist meeting is Friday. We're in a really hard phase right now because she knows something's wrong but I won't tell her what it is because I don't want her to worry if I'm not really TS. Plus, I'm not sure where our marriage is headed - not sure if I want to be married anymore, but everything is unsure at this point.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble about myself there. Just wanted to say that I can somewhat relate to such a difficult task. Congrats on doing it - I'm happy for you.

Dr M

[Guest Keiichi-kun]

That's wonderful It great to see so many people here with wonderful spouses

[Guest Treefish]

Excellent! What an awesome outcome. -hugs-

[Guest RainBird]

Reading this just made my day!

Very heart warming, wonderful news Lauren

I wish you all the best. <3

xo

[Sally]

That is very good news and surprisingly similar to my own experience. I had a wonderful plan to fix her favorite meal, I had a dozen red roses on the table and then worried about what she might say until I was so sick at my stomach that I never fixed dinner. I tried to tell her and started crying, but she urged me to tell her waht was wrong - so I did and her response was totally unexpected. She only had one question, "You're not going to leave me, are you?" To this day, four months later, whenever we discuss the next level of transitioning and possible time tables for major steps like beginning hormoones all she ever wants to know is if I still want to be with her. Now we take turns on taking each other out to dinner, when it is her turn - she drives and helps me in and out of the car, just like I do for her, you just can't get any luckier

I have noticed from a number of communications in forums and in private that a great number of the break ups are caused by the trans, loking for someone new.

According to my therapist the best way to stay together is to trust your spouse, tell her everything and believe that she is strong enough to handle it. Be positive if you refer to it as a problem or act like you are ashamed to be a transsexual then they will view it as a negative from the start, quite often in MTFs it was the feminine qualities that attracted them in the first place. We tend to be more sensitive and caring than most 'men' will allow themselves to be, this is very attractive to women - especialy to women who have been hurt before. If you try to protect your spouse from any or all of the details, they end up feeling like you are pushing them away. Keep them informed and reassure them that you want to stay, if they love you they want to stay too. Let them, talk to them and hold them as often as possible. Like so many things in life, we can't control everything and we can never control what any one else thinks or does all we can do is talk and try to help them understand - this is a subject not often discussed except when a trans is present. Give them time - don't push, but never pull away.

That's my observations and advice if you want it, I hope it helps some one trying to come out to their spouse.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest lauren33]

thanks for all the well wishes everyone. my wife was also only worried about whether i would leave her or not. the only reason i hid it from her was cuz i did not want to see her get hurt. i didn't want her to think that she wasted her life being with me. turns out i was completely wrong. i still can't believe it. i told her that no matter what happens that i need her in my life and she said "i'm not going anywhere." what did i do to deserve that kind of reaction? as for now she is my only support. my family no longer exists to me after what they have done, so it's like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. now i can stand up straight and go on with my life. i am so happy that it's kinda hard to explain really.

thanks again to all of you who have read my posts and wished me well. it means so much to me to have the support of others who are like me. hugs

lauren xoxo

[Guest raydub]

lauren.

that is absolutely wonderful. im SO happy for you. ...just amazing.

thank you for sharing that with us.. i needed to hear it.

some days i wonder if me and my s/o can stand to be together. its a scary place to be.

Ray

[Guest jantonio]

This is great news lauren. I am so glad you have such an understanding partner.

Jose Antonio....

[Guest lauren33]

thanks for all the well wishes. my wife has been great with all this so far. she actually asked me if i'd rather be called by a different name. she said that she always for some reason wanted to call me leigha (Lee is my real name) but i told her that i liked the name Lauren. she that was ok. I know she wants to say the name to me but she is just nervous or something about it right now. that's fine with me , i'm not going to push it. I've even worn makeup around her. she's never seen me do that. she even gave me a couple tips about it I can't believe how awsome it's going for me right now. I wish that everybody's coming out to their s/o could go like this.

[Sally]

Lauren,

That is fantastic - it seems like we both underestimated our wives. Woman can seem to understand a lot more than men - that's part of why we have always felt a little different, empathy is a great deal more femine trait than male. I can't tell you how happy I am for you. If you would like to send any private messages I would be more than happy to share my experiences as well. The best thing that you can do now is to let her determine the pace - this is new to her, you've known about it for years.

Congratulations again,

Sally

[Guest CharliTo]

siiiigh, reading this wonderful coming out makes me want to believe that i can possibly get a good relationship again. :3

So wonderful

[Sally]

It has occured to me from sessions with my therapist, reading coming out stories here and talking to my wife that the biggest obsticles in relationships for us is our own self doubts. we have spent all of our lives hiding who we really are and now it is a scary proposition to tell everyone - here I am, you thought you knew me but you didn't! Really the people closet to you already know the real you - I realized that I had started being Sally at home while still dressed male. It isn't the clothes, hair, make up or the body shape that defines us as women (or men), it is the way we relate to other people. I had begun to be more emotional and empathetic at home and my wife enjoyed the subtle changes, after I told her I even started dancing around the house. She knows my female name, but hasn't quite gotten ready to use it. I don't dress around her yet, but she has agreed that it is time that she starts preparing for that as well. Sometimes when we go out to dinner she will drive and when she does - she opens the doors for me and picks up the check - she is working on not only total acceptance but trying to enjoy the changes in me as well.

Believ in yourself and trust your partner and relationships can survive almost anything.

Sally