Had a realization today wanted to see if anyone else has gone through this

[Guest KellyLBC]

Today I had a realization that I found odd but "clicked" in a way that clarified some things for me.

With out too long of a post, I realized a woman I was in love with when I was a bit younger, and was very attached to first as friends and later more intimately, was not truly someone I wanted to be with but that I was interested more in being her. She was the ideal of a Woman for me (alternative, punk, short, cute with glasses and that somewhat cutsy edge). I realized much of the style I've adapted and am adapting mimics that and that her style, her comfortable femininity, and confidence was what I wanted to have as me inside and out.

Has anyone else ever realized they had wanted to be someone they were attracted to and that's why they were attracted to them. It's a bit of a mind blower for me, but I'm a bit new to this journey in terms of self exploration and reflection.

<3 Kelly

[Carolyn Marie]

Kelly, there have been many such women whom I've known IRL who I felt that way about. They were/are women with intelligence, wit, beauty, class, and a sense of style, women who were confident and poised, but also just a bit vulnerable.

I'll never measure up to those women, but they give me something to strive for. I might have one or two of those traits, but the women I'm talking about had the whole package. I hope your friend has the same effect on you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Kaitlyn16]

Yeah... I felt that way last year. The girl I went to prom with was one of my best friends at the time, I told her I liked her, but things went downhill after that... O.o I mainly liked her for her personality, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to be her too...

I remember when I was little and I thought that all little boys wanted to be girls, but just didn't admit it. I was a little naive wasn't I?

[JJ]

Looking back at my life it hasn't been uncommon -with men in my case. Funny thing is that the man I married was exactly the opposite of what I am and want to be. And i don't thing it was a coincidence but a sort of necessity if I was going to live with him. He was also the weak one in the relationship. Just realized we sort of switched roles in the marriage.

Funny how these realizations suddenly pop up

But back to your question. I have heard others also mention what they thought was attraction was "wannabe" oinstead. And it can be very difficult to tell the difference.

You did great to figure that out.

Johnny

[Guest apostate79]

Why can't it be both? All the talk I hear is about how envy and "genuine" attraction are somehow two things that must always be mutually exclusive, as if a person somehow should be incapable of being truly sexually attracted to someone whom they also would strive to be like and want to emulate. I wonder, if cis-gendered lesbians and gay men have the same dilemma?

[JJ]

I agree it can be but can only respond from my point of view which is straight.

"Wannabe" can complicate the situation either was I think because it can make it difficult to separate admiration from attraction and they are not the same thing at the end of the day in my opinion

Johnny

[Guest Juniper Blue]

I found Annie Lennox of the Eurhythmics and Grace Jones to be very compelling when I was a teenager. I was also obsessed with body builders and my favorite was Bev Francis who was hulking and never won because judges deemed her to be too masculine. I didn't know what I was feeling but looking back, I clearly see that it was a mix of attraction and emulation. I didn't know any women who were this androgynous when I was a kid and so, I fixated on these rare examples .

[Guest Johanna]

My ideal was my mothers younger sister. My aunt was for me the epitome of womanhood. Later I oriented me to all women, every of their could me help to develop my own feelings for feminity in every sense. Means, look off all the girls and women on the street, in the offices, in the public. They show me, what it makes: Living as a woman. Thats real womens lives. And the rest is phantasy and inspiration.

Hugs

Johanna