WHERE DO I FALL IN

[Guest jody h]

HI

over the last months i have let my feelings of who i really am come out. these are not new feelings i have felt different since childhood and never had any attraction to women other than that my body didnt match theres. i identified as gay but still remained a straight acting male but that never covered it. i never went for the cross dressing or things like that the feelings were deeper and that didnt come into it. untill this year i never let the feelings come out but when with a guy i know during a love making session i tripped into what i can only call pure female mode. i did this again and again after. now i feel very happy i accept it is there and yes i do think i have the wrong body bits.

what i am trying to decide is where i fall as i never had the desire to be a girly girl but over the past few months i have had more femanine interests i think is the best way to describe it and the body doesnt match the head. i have no doubt if i had been born with a femanine body at birth i would have been a tomboy sort never a glamour model girl but definatly a girl.

so what is just the other side of male. i am giving it time to see where it goes and if it stays but it has always been there.

[Carolyn Marie]

Hon, the answer to where you fall on the gender spectrum cannot be answered by us. It can only be answered by you, with the help of a gender therapist to guide you.

The fact that you did not cross dress, or don't feel "girly," are not important. Those don't determine or even give a good indication of who you are, they are incidental to the real question of what you know yourself to be. Natal women come in all types, shapes and sizes. So do transwomen, and transmen for that matter.

Ask questions, read the forum posts, talk to folks in Chat, and if at all possible, see a gender therapist. All of it will be helpful.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi rehtnap,

Some call it a gender spectrum with points all along a line, I tend to think of it more 3-dimensional which allows a whole lot more points and possibilities (who knows, maybe the gender thing is multi-dimensional!). We can all have feelings of gender dysphoria, and totally different ways of expressing those feelings, whether by dress, actions, thoughts, decisions. So where you fall in, while probably giving some comfort level of belonging somewhere, is not as important as what you now decide to do with the rest of your life.

Lots of possibilities to explore, and if you need support or someone to listen, or just want to share, we're here.

btw, I've played the backward game since at least 8 or 9 - it's quite fun.

Hugz

Chloë

[Guest Penelope]

Hi rehtnap,

It's a mystery to me, and it would be a lot more convenient if it were not so, but I have to express myself, at different times as a male, and as a female.

Mostly I am content with being my biological gender, with interests to match; though I have no interest in sport and have never been assertively 'manly'. I have also cross dressed intermittently and at a low level for decades.

More recently, I have discovered and released a distinctly feminine side to my personality, who must be given space and the means to express herself. In practical terms this means getting fully dressed as a woman with a wig and make-up. I also find that I have / she has definite opinions on dress,shoes, and accessories. To date these activities have remained private and I doubt (but don't know) if she will eventually emerge in public.

My SO is aware that I have some cross dressing tendencies but does not encourage them. She doesn't know anything about Penelope.

This site is the only place where I can share my thoughts and feelings about this. I hope it will help you too.

All the best,

Penny

[Guest jody h]

hi penny

this site is superb for finding or letting ur real self out and everyone is different. the more i have stopped suppressing my true me the more i have learnt about myself and thats what i feel is important. its not what others think or how they persieve me but how i really feel and think. my feelings are deep rooted and have been repeatedly suppressed to the point i was a-sexuall for so many years beliving i was gay but rarley parcipitating untill the great internet came along. i knew deep down gay didnt cover it but pushed a path of masculinity to the point of tattoos ect but always a false hood. for me the suppressed gender made me have mood swings deoression and a lack of direction in life. as a child and into mid life i was painfully shy because of it and refused to admit why.

family , work, socitity, nerves, lack of knowlage, ect all stop a lot of us been true to ourselfs and make us adopt a role to cover it which is just the way of the world. theres a huge spectrum of types its probably undefinable. i belive the brain is pre programmed at birth to expect certain conditions and one of those is body type and what we call feelings are set to support that. for me i belive that the settings were fully female but the body got male triggers. i didnt develope through puberty as other guys did i stayed boyish ect with none of the teen desires of a boy exept i wanted a motorcycle, but i was told it was just late development and it would come eventually.

i could go on but the essence is discover who you really are if u think that all is not right and it bothers u. for me the clothes, make up, hair and all the trappings arnt what makes me a woman. i have the same feeling naked and the trappings have never been a part of the proccess, thats not to say i dont like them infact i now find it very satisfying throwing off the masculin look and having some pretty things in my life.