rant

[Guest Owl]

I have had such a brutal time with Therapists. I started in the private sector but it became clear quite quickly that I was only getting milked for money rather than helped. So, I moved to the public sector which got me my hormones, and incredible ammounts of disrespect. Hebrew has Masculine and feminine. Today the Psychiatrist says "I call you in the feminine to be polite, but I don't see this in you, I think you are looking for novelty". I bit my tongue because telling him that he's a complete moron isn't really going to help my cause- I need his reccomendation afterwards.

This is point where I feel like all the standards of care, ect, ect, are a big joke. And what makes me so incredibly angry is I have an insensitivity to T. For me, taking E was also necessary for completely biological reasons. The endo said giving more T would likely not have been effective and could have put me at higher risk for cancer. Why on earth do I require a psychiatrist to agree on something that will prevent me from getting physically sick? I don't get it.

So yeah, I have "M" written in my documents but seriously, what I feel is backed up by my biology. I can't believe this. Assuming I for some crazy reason wanted to be a "man".... I would still be growing breasts and my body wouldn't magically turn apeish. Yeah, I choose my clothes, but my body made its own choices and didn't ask me what I thought about it.

I am so very angry about the arrogance and ignorance of psychologists/psychiatrists. I'm so very angry that cultural values interfere with medical treatment. My Dr, and Endo are really sweet and supportive- what is wrong with psychiatry?!?! I'm angry that I am somehow expected to "deal" with my issues when every other medical and even psych problem gets treated.

I'll stop before I start swearing......

[JJ]

Most psychologists and psychiatrists are trained to deal with mental illness. It's their focus and they see things in those terms. Sadly some of the most phobic and ignorant people I have heard about in the health care profession have been psychiatrists. So many develop this "I already know everything there is to know" attitude that they fail to stay up on research or dismiss it, especially in fields where they were ignorant to begin with. A closed mind is a closed mind no matter how many letters there are after the name.

These are some of the reasons we so stress Gender Therapists. Usually anything else is a waste of time and money, even harmful because they are unaware that gender identity conditions cause reactions that mimic they symptoms of mental illnesses the patient doesn't actually have. And because they are often trying to mentally cure a physical condition with mental treatment. Like trying to talk a cut finger into healing. It isn't going to work.

Also the research on the differences in the physical structures of the brain and how they function between genders and the fact that transgendered people have the brain structures of the gender they identify with or a mix is less than 5 years old. I believe the newest research developed from the newest imaging techniques, that shows 4 brain areas involved rather than the 1 previously identified is less than a year old. Unless they are in the field they won't know-and unless they are unusual they won't take the time and effort to read those studies even if you tell them. That generates no revenue. Which sadly is all too often the primary concern.

Maybe an online Gender Therapist would work better as far as getting the documentation you need. There is a list here on Laura's of verified online GTs. They work in a variety of ways including Skype so if one won't work for you another might. http://lauras-playgr..._therapists.htm It is important to be sure any therapist online IS verified because there are a lot of charlatans out there including some who seek to harm us.

I hear you anger and frustration. Only you can know whether you are Transsexual. A good Gender Therapist is there to help you find your answers and to help you decide what steps to take not deny your feelings.

I hope you find a better therapist or get what you need from them quickly so you can be free of them

Johnny

[Guest KimberlyF]

I have no clue how things work there. What SOC is this therapist following that you have an issue with? It sounds like you are to an extent limited to what is avail. where you live. Now you have to find realistic options around that.

[Guest Mia J]

Hi Owl,

There seems to be a big culture difference between the U.S. and Israel in at least the psychological areas so I am not sure how valid anything I say may be. But as Johnny touched on, do the therapists you have seen specialize in gender issues?

When I first tried to transition in the 90s I first went to a therapist that did not have any experience with gender issues and started to approach it from a viewpoint that it was something that could be cured. After a few sessions she referred me to someone who did do gender therapy which made all of the difference but it was much different than we have today. I also had a session or two with a psychiatrist because back then it was required to be able to start HRT. I don't think this guy had a clue. When I saw him I was dressed as usual with a nice ladies top, ladies slacks, and very light makeup. I was appalled when one of his comments to me was that he was troubled because I was not wearing a dress and did not have a wig or more makeup on. I told him I was a transsexual and not a drag-queen and I was dressing just like other women in our area.

I don't know where in Israel you are but is there a LBGT center that could help you find someone? I also don't understand about you not being able to get estrogen if your medical doctor says you need it for other issues. That is not required here for males who need it for prostate issues. I am still not sure why he ended up approving my HRT.

Maybe one of our other members from Israel can be more helpful. I had always thought Israel was more understanding on gender issues.

Mia

[Guest Owl]

Hi, Most of my frustrations stem from having a situation that doesn't fit their typical understanding. The rest of my problem is I don't live in Tel Aviv and the medical system is quite political here. It doesn't matter what my diagnosis is, but rather who gave it. So, there are Gender therapists, mostly in Tel Aviv, but my problem was, they could talk to me but didn't have the authority/didn't want to use it to get me hormones.

So I have a psychiatrist, head of a department who gave his recommendation for me to take hormones. He's either completely ignorant of gender issues and what hormones do, or he professes ignorance in order to goad reactions out of me.

What frustrated me about seeing a Gender therapist is I feel like I know who I am and I was going because I had some very practical questions- how to obtain hormones, how to deal with legal issues, how to deal with coming out. The therapist wanted to "explore my gender issues" with me. I was very frustrated by paying for something I wasn't interested in and by the fact that I hadn't even begun a process to get hormones.

What makes my issue unique is I was attacked and unfortunately, I was naive enough to go for help afterwards. I didn't get help, but I did get a "crazy" mark beside my name. "Gender confusion can be caused by sexual trauma. You have sexual trauma and therefore your gender issues are the result of the trauma and are treatable. Here, take some anti-depressants". Its not possible to win against such a mindset. One can only play along long enough to get what you need from them.

Anyway, frustrating. Now that things have settled down a bit, I've decided to go to Tel Aviv to see the Gender therapist on my own dime, and continue with the public system which is what will (theoretically) actually get me results. But realistically, I simply don't have the patience for them anymore. I will also be collecting my letters for the purpose of surgery, and my guess is that I'll simply go abroad to finish things. And because I'm so sick of officialdom, when its over, I think I'll refuse to change my gender in my ID. If anyone notices, it will give me the opportunity to say something like "Idiots. This government can't even tell the difference between a man and a woman!!"

For anyone interested in how things are done when you fit into their stupid stereotype, There is a sexology clinic in the Rambam hospital in Haifa that will give a recommendation for hormones. The only hospital that is actually supposed to be dealing with this is Tel HaShomer. They have a committee which is hated by everyone in the Trans community for being gatekeepers and disrespectful. (No idea if that opinion is earned or not). They are supposed to give you hormones and 2 years later, SRS, all public. If you live in Tel Aviv there is a medical clinic for the GLBT community that gives hormones as well as several endocrinologists that will with a recommendation. Basically, if you are Trans, save yourself a lot of trouble and move to Tel Aviv, or better yet, out of Israel

[Guest Svenna]

Owl,

Your statement about 'if you are trans, move to Tel Aviv, or better yet, get out of Israel' resonated with me. I know many people live in non-trans-friendly areas with limited or non-existant support from doctors, friends or even family. Unfortunately, for these folks, your advice may be the kind they really do need to hear. If one is to make such a HUGE life-altering step as to transition genders, one may need to be prepared to take the bull by the horns and get to a place where such a thing is possible. Maybe not, but perhaps MOVING to a more favorable spot makes the most sense before trying to tackle such an enormous life change in hostile territory. Surely, no one answer fits everybody, but certainly 'getting out of Dodge' might be the best way to minimize some of the challenges in ones path toward a better reality...

Thanks for telling us about your experiences, there are so many ways that being trans can play out in differing situations..

Love and gratitude, Svenna

[JJ]

Owl,

Over the years I have heard many good as well as bad things about Israel but the rigidity of the systems for anyone not conforming to their norms was one of the bad. Sometimes if you have the resources to circumvent the system-i.e. go abroad for SRS for example-then that is the best solution. Sure that doesn't help those who follow you through the system but sometimes you can't make it better anyway-for yourself or those who will follow. We definitely have to chose our battles and each of us has to decide when to fight and when to find a different way. Just my observation.

As far as the therapist, I do understand your frustration but also their need to discuss your gender issues first. Too many times people have made up their minds and come in demanding something when they are not really in touch with their real feelings or fears or are unprepared for all of the consequences of transitioning. (Actually they are so many and varied I don't think anyone can foresee them all but there are some big and critical things that we do need to anticipate). Those people can and do ruin their lives if the therapist just writes out a script for hormones or SRS without doing more investigation into their real needs and expectations. I would not trust or respect a Gender Therapist-or any other therapist for that matter-who reacted that irresponsibly. I know that when you have done the soul searching etc, it is frustrating. But the therapist isn't a mind reader and needs to be sure. Sometimes people go to the net and have all the words and descriptions prepared and right yet are not really good candidates. Only by really talking about it awhile can the therapist be sure. Also the therapist has an obligation to asses your mental state and your ability to cope with the stresses of HRT and transition. Sometimes we have other issues from the trauma of being trans that need to be addressed before we can successfully transition.

My thoughts are with you and I hope you find a way to cope with the difficulties in the system you face and get where you need to be

Johnny

[Guest Mia J]

Johnny is right that we each have to pick our battles and maybe the best thing is to just go outside the country for your treatment and SRS. This is fairly common for a lot of areas.

You did mention the trans community in your last post. Are they doing anything as a group to try to get anything changed? Are there any other groups that are?

Mia

[Guest Owl]

Hi, Jonny,

Basically, I'm planning to go abroad for SRS, but meanwhile I'm attempting to make a break-through with the public system here. One of the cute ways they have of delaying helping you is to refuse to phone you back. So, I've spent the last several months off and on trying to get an appointment with the Gender committee in Tel Aviv. There is an official number you call, most of the time you leave a message- last week I actually got a live person who promptly told me "We'll call you back". I actually find it humorous at this point. I've looked up the committee member's hospital email addresses and next week will email each of them.... I've decided it to make it impossible to ignore me.

I'm now looking more seriously at surgeons abroad, trying to figure out the logistics of getting there, and how long it will take me to come up with the $$. I think what is making me nervous about SRS is getting letters wont be a problem.... but I need to do is talk to someone who actually knows something, without an agenda either way to make sure this is the right move. I want to know the risks, I want to know how many of these operations get messed up. And I want to know from couples who've gone through this if SRS had a major impact on their partner. I'm Bi so the equipment really makes little difference to me- I guess it does for most people? For the operation, I discovered that there are different techniques- so I want more info about these techniques so I can make a decent decision. All of these are great questions for a decent therapist

Mia, There is a great GLBT lobby in this country. The current Trans. regulations were set by the ministry of health in 1986 and they've been trying to update them pretty much since then. Things move very, very slowly in Israel. The religious groups have way too much political power so these things also have to be done quietly. I've heard that the Gender clinic at Tel HaShomer isn't even marked and most of the staff are ignorant of its existence. Things will change, I'm sure, its just might take a very long time.

Hmmm, children need attention.... Later

[Guest Owl]

Johnny,

I also wanted to say that when I started this, I had no idea if I wanted hormones or not. What I had were some really big questions that I needed answers for- What did/didn't hormones do? What were the risks? Was this gender thing curable? If I went with this, what were the problems I was likely to face?, How to deal with family? The gender therapist wanted to assess how depressed I was (understandable) and wether or not I was a candidate for hormones. I didn't want to be assessed, At the beginning I wanted answers.

When I wanted hormones, I disliked the leading questions. I was supposed to say I've felt like a girl since I remember but I didn't. And despite being asked repeatedly by several different shrinks, I don't want to give them the answer they want. Its frustrating. Sure, stereotypically, yeah, I was a girl, and I suffered L-O-T-S for it at home and at school. I have been mistaken for being a girl/woman often and when they didn't think I was a girl they were convinced I was homosexual. On the playground, I grew up with the girls. But I've always resented labels, and I knew just one thing: I wasn't a boy. I'm Me!! I know that it fits their box a bit better to say I've always been a girl, but it isn't true, I was too wrapped up in attempting to be normal to accept that label when I was young. Today, "Woman" is a label that fits and it feels really good to give up on the idea that i'm some kind of one of a kind creature.

But ironically, just as the shrinks don't like the "just me" definition of my younger years, they don't want to accept the "I'm a woman" statement of today. They seem to be fishing for a different answer, and I'm stubborn enough not to give it to them, because any other answer wouldn't be true. And to slip back into rant mode, this is when I really lose it with them. Israelis are really not big on individuality so if you don't fit in any of their boxes, it isn't much fun. I'm trans. I don't live in Tel Aviv. I have a family. We're staying together. Oh my, I think the world just might be ending

Anyway, bottom line, I managed to get hormones, and so at this point I don't actually need them anymore because when its time, I can go abroad for surgery. At this point I'm just fighting because I don't like getting messed with and legally my right is to get surgery under the public system. Its unclear at this point what will happen first- they give up and give me my rights, or I get over my wounded pride and go elsewhere.