Worried I'm Getting an ED

[Guest Emery M.]

Recently (or not so recently, I'm not sure) I've gotten pretty concered with my calorie intake. Maybe 6 months ago, I weighed 130 lbs. I lost about 10 lbs and now weigh 118-120 lbs at 5'5". Now, I know this isn't underweight or overweight, but I know that I want to lose more. I am aware that I don't need to, but I really want to be 115, which worries me a bit becaise originally I said I wanted to be 120, then 118, now 115. I'm worries that then that'll drop to 112, then 110, and then I'll be underweight.

That's the rational part of me. The other part of me is starting to become terrified of gaining weight. I weigh myself every morning, and recently I've been on the 120 end of things, and I know that if I hit 121 or 122 I'll get really mad at myself. I've been encouraged because, in losing weight, I've lost fat from my hip area enough that I have to downsize my jeans 3 sizes. I'm hoping I can lose enough fat to get a six pack. I know that the more I lose, the more masculine I will look, and I really want that. (I have this stupid idea that if I lose enough weight I won't need to get top surgery.) I count calories a LOt, and though I'm eating enough, and eating sweets and stuff, I'm nervous that I'm just gonna get worse and end up starving myself. At the same time I'm worried that I'm gonna gain all my weight back and get my huge hips back... I'm only fourteen, too, and my body will probably get more female-ish, etc., so that might trigger something too.

I'm probably just overanalyzing/reacting, but I'm thinking about this alot because I really DON'T want an ED.

Thanks! - Emery

[VickySGV]

OK fella, sounds like you are fighting yourself in the closet still, and are using two highly unreliable ways of looking at yourself while you are in there. The first is your bathroom scale, and the second is a mirror that only you are looking at. Men come in darn near more shapes and sizes than women do, something I have seen for years because I was part of that crowd. A 110 pound dude is not manly, they are scrawny hate bait in the male community and women won't even see male there unless they have poor eyesight. I know for sure on that because at 15 I was that way, not due to an ED, but due to some other health issues with food allergies. At your age, yes, changes to your chromosomal body type are going to happen in ways you do not like or want and watching them is going to be excruciatingly painful, the only way that really exists to keep it from happening is going to be hormone blockers administered by your doctor. The way you get there though, is to let your parents know about your gender problem, and see if they can get you to an Adolescent Gender Therapist, and even then it may be a while before they will let you have the stop-it-now medications. It will be hard on you, that is no lie, but I am 50 years older than you are, (hormonally going on 14 myself) and can tell you that you can survive it if you let yourself. If you are going to be the man you dream of becoming, you need to be sure that you do not malnourish yourself because that will make it harder for you in a few years when you can go on the hormones you feel that you need. Take it easy on your body, do not pig on food, and do not let food become an unreliable friend, but eat a well balanced diet appropriate to your age, keep a healthy but not excessive exercise program up, and sure, pump a bit of iron, and do bench sit ups to work on the abdominal muscle tone, but starving yourself can lead to injuries that will prevent you from having your body the way you want it. Hard as it is, keep your present body in top shape so it can serve you and keep you well until it is time for you to look right and feel right. It will get better in time.

Get out with people, people whom you can share your dreams with, and let them be your bathroom scale and your mirror as to what look the most you can be like you for now!! Its not too early to develop the character, the knowledge and the ideas that you want to have for when you can transition up the road. Learning these things though will require you to be healthy in body, the old Romans said it best with the the motto "A sound mind, in A sound body". Almost forgot one thing for you, develop an ED, and any Therapist you see will want the ED controlled BEFORE they tackle the GD. That could cut in to your quality time!!

[Guest Justneedhelp]

Thinking about food as a way to gain muscle is probably the #1 thing that helped me start eating right during my ED. it's better to pay once for top surgery than fight all your life with calorie counting...especially calorie counting that could jeopardize your life. Also, the fat from your boobs will not go away from restricting. I was on the verge of cardiac arrest and my already a cup boobs were just more evident without any other fat on my body. Good luck