a very big tick in a very small box

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

I was filling out some housing forms last night (so many forms and so much red tape for something I already have a professional medical opinion that I need!) and just as I was expressing my discomfort to my partner at having to write my female name and wrongly gender myself on the forms I found a little row of tick boxes hidden away on the very bottom of the very last page 'Please tick the relevant box to indicate your sexuality: hetrosexual, bisexual, gay man, lesbian, transgender...' oh boy I have a box!

The moment was made even better when my partner allowed me to tick the bisexual box for her instead of her usual label of lesbian (which I try to be understanding about but it does leave those nagging questions of where I come in to that).

It may sound strange but that little tick box on an official form might just as well have signalled a fairy godmother to appear and declare that 'yes pinochio you are a real trans-boy'

There have been other things recently. I have had moments where I have felt myself gradually growing into myself. I have seen glimpses of possibility in the mirror (only when I can only see the reflection of my head and not my body and nothing solid yet but like shadows of who I will grow up into when I start T)....

But when I ticked that little box it felt like I stepped over some invisible line.

...so it will probably just go and fester in the back of some dusty old official filing cabinet somewhere in the council offices, but I'd frame it and put it on the wall if it was up to me coz right now it says something big for me!

Gabe

[JJ]

That is great Gabe. The world is changing and becoming aware of us. It feels great when there is validation like that. I'm so glad for you.

When there are only binary gender boxes on a form I feel like I am telling a lie no matter what I check because I haven't legally become a man but I am also not a woman at all. If it's anything legal, or even potentially so like winning a drawing for instance, I have to lie even more and drop that old never really me name in too. Even worse. I hate to lie but they don't give me a chance to tell the truth.

I remember when those first glimpses started for me. It felt so good. So impossible still but so good. It just gets better. I have seen your pic by the way and I see the man. It shows. We always see ourselves through filters others don't have. So we are the last to see it.

And good luck with the housing thing

Johnny

[Guest John Chiv]

Gabe,

Checking those boxes are a big deal. We don't have them on all forms here but I remember even before I started officially transitioning seeing that box and how it made me feel. Then again an opportunity to check heterosexual and male. Again the feeling that is so hard to describe in words yet we know .

My dear friend and brother, reading this invisible line you have crossed makes me very happy for you. Here is a chilled coca cola for you to enjoy.

John

[gennee]

I've been through those invisible lines. Changes have been subtle but they have pivotal in my journey. Thank you for sharing, Gabe.

[Guest ranse]

I hate those boxes and using my female name.

Here's one that irks me: I recently filled out a survey about my experience at my university and it let me have the option of leaving off gender and race, so I did. A couple weeks later, my father called and said the surveying service had sent him a letter asking for the information. Why make the choice to identify seem optional then?