Another "Do I Pass?"

[Guest Kai Reddtail]

So I haven't done one of these in a while, I'd like to see what some other people think, and if they have any tips. It's very hard for me to get an idea of how often I'm read as male around here. I think some of the reasons for this might be:

1) I'm only out to about five people. So outside of asking them, everybody in my hometown knows me as a girl.

2) Many people who don't know me are introduced to me as a girl by my family.

3) I seem to find a lot of people who don't know me who don't address me with gendered terms at all, which gives me no clue as to how they read me.

Sometimes it seems like I should be passing all the time. For example, at work last week three people initially addressed me as male, then corrected themselves shortly after for whatever reason (perhaps my voice or whatever.) A third addressed me as female first, then corrected herself and addressed me as male. This situation surprised me because I only bind on non-workdays to avoid possible awkward situations/questions with co-workers.

But today I was at the mall doing my Christmas shopping (partly I went with the intention to see if I could gauge how people were reading me) and a pushy salesperson asked me if I wanted some hand cream and showed me this nail-polisher thing. Being a rather meek person I couldn't really figure out how to escape for a bit, but as I was being shown all these products it occurred to me that this lady was completely ignoring my brother. Since she was peddling beauty products, this leads me to believe that she picked me out as a girl. It probably didn't help that I wouldn't appear particularly masculine in comparison to my 6.5ft fuzz-faced brother.

So this leaves me a little confused as to how well I'm pulling this off. Anybody wanna take a look in my gallery and tell me what you think?

The first picture is old, but the rest of them are from today when I encountered the salesperson.

Thanks everybody.

[Guest Robin Winter]

I think you look very androgynous, like...smack down the middle. I can understand why people seem to be tripping over themselves when attempting to find the right pronouns.

[Guest Risu]

I would say you've got the look to be sure, pictures can't tell us about how you move and carry yourself, mannerisms etc.

Maybe you just looked like a nice guy and she figured she could get you listen just because you're too nice to just walk away or ignore her. Some people are just really good at reading us... especially when we really don't want them to.

I am going to guess that you're not on HRT? Or if you are you haven't been on it for very long. I could definitely pick up an androgynous vibe which could go either way, which also sucks. Being stuck in the middle when we don't want to be is not a very fun place, but it does mean you're halfway there to being where you want to be and maybe there is a way for you to push yourself over the edge into more often than not being percieved as a guy when you want to be. Hopefully someone with more experience can help with that.

I would say you're off to a great start, but rome wasn't built in a day and we expect to pass over night. It takes time, work and sometimes some practice.

Good luck!

*Hugs*

~Risu.

[Guest Kai Reddtail]

Hm, that's not so bad. I would slightly prefer to be read as male, but there is a bit of androgyny in me too. I could be okay with confusing people. lol.

[Guest Robin Winter]

Hm, that's not so bad. I would slightly prefer to be read as male, but there is a bit of androgyny in me too. I could be okay with confusing people. lol.

Well, I don't know if you're planning to go on HRT at any point, but I think a few months to a year on T would make you look more masculine than I ever did.

[Guest Kai Reddtail]

T is a thing I flip-flop on.

There's a part of me that would like to take it, especially because I think it would slide me from androgynous into male pretty easily. But there's complications to that. Part of it being that I'm not out to my parents or most of my family. My two younger brothers (one of which was the one with me at the time) are the only immediate family members that know, and I'm not sure they really understand fully. They may think more along the lines of "my sister likes to dress like a guy" rather than "I have a trans brother who's in the closet." Either way they don't really care, so I'm not really worried.

But I'm not sure I'll ever find the courage to come out to my parents. They seem okay with the idea of trans* folk in general, but things are totally different when it actually pops up in your life. I'm confident they'd always love me, and they'd never kick me out or disown me. But the idea of how that might make them feel, the disappointment they might have. I'm supposed to be their only daughter. Taking T means I wouldn't be able to hide it anymore. It would be pretty obvious. I have a long-standing habit of putting others before myself, (whether that's always good or not) and I have a hard time dealing with the thought of how that would make them feel.

I'm also in a relationship with a guy, and I'm not sure how he'd deal with me going on T. Which is something that from an outside perspective I know should be entirely up to me, but it's just not really that easy.

Lastly I just have the hardest time being sure of myself and understanding my own feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I really am trans. I fear someday that if I did find the courage to come out to my family, then I'd suddenly discover that I was like... misinterpreting my feelings somehow. And then what would they think if I had to go back on that? All that stress I would have put everyone through, for nothing?

I can't tell if I'm doubting myself because I might not be trans or if it's my brain trying to convince myself I'm not trans because I'm afraid of the results of that. It's all very confusing.

tl;dr version: Part of me has entertained the idea of HRT, but it's complicated. lol.

[Guest Andrew Parker]

If I saw you walking down the street I would think male. That's just from the picture though, mannerisms, voice and other factors play into passing.

[Guest Kai Reddtail]

I think voice is a lot of what gives me away. I was at a restaurant in a different town and the guy serving me was calling me "sir" the whole time until I opened my mouth...

[VickySGV]

You have more the look of a bad odor in the room, than an honest to gosh guy scowl, but definitely not girl as girly girl. Even guys can smile, although it is different from a girls. (Said with a twinkle in her eye!!)