"coming out" at school

[Guest Kallum]

I'm on christmas holidays at the moment but when I go back to school next year I'm going to start coming out so my friends. I'm not worried about what others will think of me but I am worried about hurting my friends.

My school consellor has been really good to me and helped me when I went through a really depressive stage. She has talked with the heads of the school, they were surprisingly positive but lacked information. I am able to come out at my own speed.

I'm going to try and plan as much as I can before it happens but there are some things that I can't control and will deal with them when the arise.

I'm more stressed about telling my friends that are girls than my male friends and I don't know why.

We had a casual dress day on one of my last days of term and my friend Abbey said that I looked like a boy. On the inside I was throwing a party all I wanted to say was, "thats the idea" but that would be a bit difficult to explain afterwards. I ended up just saying that I was comfortable.

All the waiting I'm doing at the moment is killing me. I'm a really impatient person I have to wait to see the Gender therapist again. Wait for my parents to wrap their head around their "daughter" wanting to be their son. I know that I have had some time to get used to it but now that I've finally come out I just want to keep moving forwards.

Any suggestions on how to become more patient?

Do you think that transitioning at school is a good idea? (i dont think that I could wait another 2 years)

I hope what I've written makes some sense

Ohh and does anyone know how to ask a girl out? Coz im clueless and dont want to stuff it up

thanks,

Kal

[Guest Jesse0319]

I absolutely know how you feel. After I came out to my mom, the topic wasn't even spoken of for a YEAR. And even now, I only get to see a GT once a month, if I'm lucky.

But believe it or not, it does get better. Coming out to friends helps, and having an attitude of "not caring what people think of you" helps a LOT in high school. It's totally cool about your school's heads, use it to your advantage! If they need information, maybe you can get together with your counselor and talk about the resources that you can give them. Help them understand what's going on, if they're as accepting as you say, They Will HELP You!

Being FtM myself (I assume that's your case, from what you said about the casual dress day) I understand the difference between coming out to guy friends, and coming out to girl friends. For me, at least, it was because I didn't want my female friends thinking I was a lesbian, and/or was going to start hitting on all of them. For guys, however, they just kind of seemed to take my word for it, and that was that. My guy friends didn't try to reinterpret my words, like girls sometimes do (sorry for stereotyping, ladies, I know not all girls are like that, and some guys are!). That's how it was for me, anyway.

I'm in my last year of high school in the US, and I only realised that I'm trans halfway through last school year. So basically, I can wait to fully come out until I'm in college, if I want. But I don't want to, because like you, I'm sick of waiting. I'm sick of not sticking up for myself. I wanna be able to say, "No, I'm a GUY", because that's how I am, I'm a fighter (in the words of a science teacher that I'm out to, lol). In fact, I'm out to several friends, two teachers, the nurse, and even one kind-of-guy-friend that I don't really know outside of school. And I'm going to continue coming out until the year is over.

Enjoy every little moment. When I wasn't out at all, I went to a festival with the family, and I was brooding much of the time, since I was impatient like you. Then, at one of the game booths, the guy running it CLEARLY "mistook" me for a guy. My dad corrected him once he caught on, but it made me smile for the rest of the week, and it took away from my impatience. My advice is to treasure all those little moments, and you'll notice they may start to happen more often.

Tell me how it goes at school - and good luck!

-Jesse

[Guest Talon]

Hey there,

I think the key is to do whatever you feel ready for. Coming out to your friends can be a big step but it could really help you along as well. I mean, the more people you are out to, the more often you can be yourself and the happier you will probably be

It sounds like your school office is supportive and friendly people. It's great to have them behind you. Maybe you could ask them to have a talk with a school doctor who could provide them with more information on what transgenderism is. Also, having your therapist recommend some information for them is a great idea.

I totally understand you about being more nervous of the girls than the boys. I am that way too. People always talk crap but if you are just being yourself and a nice person, any decent friend of yours will know that bad rumours are just bad rumours. I am saying this because I know that there's probably no way to transition without having people spread bad talk around. But long as you're being the bigger person, just doing your thing, standing up for yourself and not hurting anyone, the talking will have no real grounds. I have been really worried about the lesbian-hitting -on-everybody label as well. For a while, before and during coming out, I payed practically no attention to the girls around me, except my close friends who I knew the truth. I just didn't want them to think I was hitting on everyone and I didn't want to give them a moment to refer to, like "Oh yeah, remember when he was talking to me at that party, he was sooo hitting on me.." I didn't want to give them an opportunity to start rumours.

When I look back at my earlier school years, I wish I'd have come out back then because I was totally ready for it. I would've liked to be able to be myself through those years. i think I would have had a way better time.

Also, it might help your parents even if they need time to accept it. If you're out at school you're more or less full time and the more naturally and fully you live as a guy, the more clear you will be about what you want. Maybe it will make your parents understand how you feel a little easier because you will actually be showing them that you want to LIVE as a guy. That is just a thought.

So yeah, I would come out at school. It will be a big step, but imagine your friends around you calling you what you want, treating you like you want. Imagine not being in hiding anymore. Even if it takes courage and strength and will be hard in some ways, I think it'll be worth it because it will also take a huge amount of stress and tension away.

I hope you figure it out! Please let us know how it goes. We're here and you're not alone

As far as asking a girl out, I'd just be simple and clear about it. Like, "would you want to go out sometime, maybe do so and so?" There are so many ways but this simple thing seems to work ok with many girls because you are simply just being nice and friendly asking them if they would want to spend some time together Good luck!

All the best to you!!

Talon.

[Guest Kallum]

All of this support and advice is awsome.

I was really nervous about coming out to people but now that I am, I don't have to deal with things by myself any more!

[Guest Jesse0319]

Great to hear that it helped, Kallum! Keep up that good attitude!

[Guest Talon]

Great Kallum! Hope you'll keep us posted on how everything is going. It's awesome that you feel good about things!

Talon.