The point of no return, and after only 40 days (and 40 nights) of HRT...

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Dear Svenna,

We are all so different despite our similarities with experiencing body dysphoria etc.... Some of us are impuslive and jump right in ... soem of us make changes easily but judiciously and others take their time and really let themselves ponder all perspectives in a non-hurried manner, and then others struggle with great angst to decide what to do and when to do it and may even vascillate with starts and stops and back-ups and finally moves forward. There are no right or wrong ways to transition.

I have always been a very practical person , a "look before you leap" kind of person. if I was in your (pretty) shoes, I would wait if waiting has no permanent and serious consequences and I would wait if proceeding means that you can never fully undo what is done.

Look into your heart. Talk to your closest freinds and loved ones and know that is is okay to slow down if you need to ...slowing down does not mean stopping or making a U-turn ... it just means going at pace that feels right to you.

Hugs,

JB

[Guest leela_anima]

glad to hear from ya again Svenna, sounds like you're in a better head space... this forum is indeed wonderful and i'm looking forward into contributing more in the future, thanks so much Lacey Lynne for your kind words! I too have been goin through the same battle though not as far, i'm sure there will be a time when i do eventually start hrt and i'll be an emotional mess and will post here for help and will need to depend on you folks as far as love and support is concerned haha so what goes around come around. i've never been so involved online before like this, i've always been disconnected emotionally when it came to other people over the internet but this... this is so rich with emotional depth and true human vulnerability, i now witnessed how wonderful the power of the internet with social-networking can be, it's like having a large, compassionate, loving, understanding family internationally!...i'm glad to be apart of something like this and to know i won't face everything alone...

[Guest Svenna]

I don't want y'all to think I've forgotten you, I know I left you hanging, but I am too tired to really address the many issues brought up by your excellent replies. I will return as soon as I can get to the internet and fill you in on the new developments in my saga, too. What a trip!

Best to all of you...

Love, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

OK, I'm back!

I posted an update on the general forum already, so I'll just say I'm doing great now after a short HRT hiatus...

Thanks to all once again for the excellent points and things to consider. I really spent a lot of time on this thread reading and rereading before I took action. We must be soooo certain of our actions when at this stage of the game...

Many an hour was spent in deep consternation over every possible angle before I began to down-titrate my E and Spiro. Much fretting and pacing took place before restarting my HRT regimen several days later. Either way, it barely seemed to slow my body changes, though...

I'm gonna head back into this thread now to reply to some of the great points y'll made...

Love and Life, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

With all due respect, I see nothing but caring and support in the responses you got.

As for those who didn't respond, well, I can only speak for myself when I say I hadn't seen your post until now. The rest..well, you have to consider that some people just don't feel equipped to respond to certain posts. You also have to consider that everyone on this site deals with personal crisis on a regular basis, and they may feel uncomfortable involving themselves in a thread discussing something they fear. I'm not saying you shouldn't expect support, you absolutely have it, but not everyone can be who you need them to be. We're all here to find support, not just give it.

You also have to consider that it's 3 days away from Christmas and people are busy, and in many cases, mourning.

That being said, I'm very sorry to hear that you're dealing with this, especially this time of year when everyone should be at their happiest, and I sincerely hope that whatever you do now, things work out for you soon. You have been a pleasant addition to Laura's, and you will be welcome whenever you make your way back.

*Hugs*

Shilo,

You were right. I had already received some excellent advice. Unfortunately, I wasn't hearing my exact concerns being addressed and I was really hurting and scared. Very, very scared. It was 'go time' and it had come early! lol..

Thanks for caring!

Love, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

Svenna:

Please, Shilo speaks the truth, girl.

Our wise Canadian sister is basically telling you that THIS VERY THREAD directly addresses people's deepest and darkest fears on this entire subject. As an analogue, imagine a real sinner (Keith Richards is my favorite!) just sinning like there's no tomorrow and darn the consequences.

Then, somebody comes along and nicely but powerfully says:

Dude, what if The Bible is true? What if there really is a god? What if the God of The Bible actually means exactly what he says?

Well, right about then, our wayward and woebegone sinner thinks:

"Oh, Christ! My donkey is grass! I'm in deep doo-doo!"

IMHO, Drea IS right about the powerful peer pressure appurtenant to the glories and joys of transition. However, we all know, deep down inside, that there ARE consequences to doing so and there IS a price to pay for doing so. Your thread here puts many readers' demons front and center in their respective consciousness and makes them confront the plain truth that, by transitioning, they may, they just MAY, really screw themselves royally if they go all the way.

That DOES happen, as you so very well know, ... and so do the others here ... which is why you're experiencing "the roaring silence" of the many "conspicuous by their absence." Just my opinion; however, I daresay it's cogent, concise and correct. personally I know several transgirls IRL whose transitions are successful, but their resultant lives are disasters. No lie.

My opinion is that the truly successful transitioners who go on to good and happy lives, one way or the other, had one (and often more) real advantages going for them from the get-go. Well, Lacey, you lowlife, what about those successful transitioners on the Lynn Conway and Karen Serenity websites?

You, Svenna, are just barely old enough to remember Chicago-based radio announcer Paul Harvey with his syndicated radio feature "The Rest of the Story." Yes, hard work, focus and belief DO lead to success often times; however, more often than not, there really IS more to it than that be it apropos to career success, romantic success or transition success.

You post, Dear Svenna, to borrow a phrase from good old Al Gore, made many transfolk face "An Inconvenient Truth" which, of course, that doing a transition JUST MAY NOT lead to a better and happier life. My own reluctance to "go the distance" is not because I'm flaky, not because I'm grandstanding but, rather, is because I'm sensible. If I go all the way with this thing, there is the very real chance that I just may end up right royally screwed, and I'm fully well aware of it.

Stay, honey. Please, stay. We want you. We need you. We miss you.

Peace Lacey

Rock on, Svenna!

We support and respect you, girl !!!

Lacey,

I have accepted that I may linger in androgyny for a long time now. I can no longer stay in man-mode, regardless. I'll make my peace with whatever E brings now, I know I cannot go back again, either. So, time to celebrate the new possibilities and let go of the past...

Thanks for always being there...

Love, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

Hey Svenna,

I too just saw this post. I'm pretty regular in here now, but missed it.

I honestly have no advice, but I can support your decision. I've had to think long and hard about this decision of mine to transition, I've had many questions and much like one of the prior posts, I can't stay looking like a woman anymore. Will I be happier, you tell me, roll the dice, I honestly don't know. The future is just that. Am I scared? Heck ya! Sheesh, what if I'm making a mistake etc.?

You will make your decision and you will live with them. I can't speak for everyone, but your post hit a nerve and I really had to think about it. So thanks for the reality check. I wish you all the best and I for one carry no judgment. Lots of folks don't ever transition fully - its all good as long as it works for you. Frankly if you are uncertain, shouldn't you pause?

My two cents!

Kael

Kael,

Thank you for stepping in and speaking very sensibly. The statement above of yours that I highlighted really 'clicked' with me. I did pause, re-evealuate and attempted to make peace with the gains I had already made. It wasn't enough without the proper brain chemicals. The HRT is the right medicine for my weary, T-poisoned mind and body. I will live with the consequences, gladly..

Thank you again for chiming in. I appreciated it muchly..

Love, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

I think it's a very courageous thing to do, going against what your nature has driven you towards in order to take stock before you really start to fly/plummet.

The others have all said very true things regarding the lack of responses. I think we as transitioners, upon finding the solution to our dreams and fears, want nothing more than to encourage others to follow what's worked for us. It makes us happy to see others become happy, and it also helps answer our own doubts as we repeat our reasons for bypassing them.

We've all also had to deal with the shame of being 'abnormal', and suddenly it turns out that there are others! We lose the shame, happy to be rid of it, but perhaps there was a grain of caution that got chucked out too, occassionally.

I think that, if you feel you need to pause and take stock before plunging onward, this is very likely a very wise thing to do. Did you talk to your doctor before stopping your meds? You may need to exercise some caution with that.

Musicalice,

Thank you for adding your excellent points and advice, especially the high-lighted texts. I listened to your words as I read them aloud and let them sink in to my heart. It was brave to stop on the edge of the nest for one last look at my old life, but alas, the bird is now ready to fly, me thinks..

Thanks for taking the time to address my fears and needs. I owe ya one!

Love, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

Hi Svenna,

I'm sorry. I had to work late and couldn't respond to your original post until today.

I enjoy reading your posts and anticipate reading new posts from you. It's easy to see you are a very emotional person and I am sorry you don't feel you are receiving the support you need.

I made the mistake one time of thinking that the number of posts make a difference. But people don't respond for many reasons. A lot of the time they don't feel they can add anything, or they don't know enough to where they feel they could give good advice. Or they are online on certain hours. Also many people who view posts are lurkers, whether guests, or members who don't post often.

Also remember this isn't just a transsexual site, it's for all transgender people. And you are transgender whether you are transsexual, or if you transition or not. Your hesitation alone is a clue. In any case no matter what your decision is you still meet the qualifications to be a member of LP and therefore not a guest, but part of the family.

You must do what is best for you. I wouldn't expect it any other way. And if you feel de-transitioning is the correct choice then that is what you need to you. I hope everything works out. GD has a tendency to return with a vengeance.

Love

Jenny

Jenny,

I am feeling MUCH better now, thank you!

I have been a bit overwhelmed by the intersex aspect to my speedy transition lately, but at the end of the day, it is my being a transperson that has driven me to transition (and to this site). Thank you for reminding us all that regardless if where we are in relation to transitioning, all trans folk are welcome here for love and support. I appreciate this very much...

Yes, there is no escaping GD forever. It didn't take long to realize that...lol..

Love ya, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

In all my time here on Laura's I have never seen a thread that makes me want to pull out my hair more than this one. I'm swamped at work, but I'm gonna put my two cents in here, not because I have some great advice or because I think I can help. I'm gonna respond because I have to.

Do you really think that you're the only one going through a tough time? The only one that is questioning your transition? The only one that has to make choices?

No, Autumn, I wasn't under the illusion that I am the only person struggling with transition. But I was struggling to such a degree that I was overwhelmed and lost sight of how others may have felt about my situation. I was being thoughtless, you are correct about that...sorry!

You come here and tell everyone how wonderful you are looking and that E is magically making you this goddess of a woman, and that your breasts are growing at an alarming rate, blah blah blah. Then you come here and tell us that you need to make this choice right now. Well, my dear, don't expect many answers or replies. People are not getting your results and you coming here and flaunting it and then telling us your stopping because it's happening is not gonna win you much sympathy.

I hadn't realized that one could interpret my actions thusly, or I would have reconsidered my words more carefully. I am truly sorry if I offended anybody, it was not my intention...

Some of the girls here have been on HRT for a long time and can't seem to get past the front door, they aren't thinking about stopping and would have NO advice or even have a clue what to say. Some of the girls here aren't on HRT yet and read your posts and dream of the results you post, then you tell them you might not want it.

Understood...

I've been on HRT for just over 9mths. I live as a woman and I have doubts everyday. Read my SHAM thread. I have been going through what I consider extreme mental anguish the last month (Lucy isn't working. She has breast cancer. She is having a hard time dealing with me and wants to leave. It's the holidays and my whole family and all my friends have left me so I'm alone on the holidays. I'm questioning my own transition. My job is going crazy.) so I stayed away. Look at the number of overall posts the last few weeks. way down. Why, because most of us are to busy crying and wondering what "if" to post.

I am so sorry to hear of such things at a time like this. I really am. Please accept my sincerest apologies. It was not my intention to minimize anybody else's struggles. Sorry!!!

This is a reality check. Ask yourself is it's what you want or not what you want and make a choice, but don't complain because your thread isn't flaming. Maybe it's a topic people don't want to even consider?

I'll probably get banned for this post. I know I'll get a talking to, but oh well.

I'm going back into my shell.

Autumn

Autumn,

I am sorry. I am better now. I'll try to be more considerate in the future...

Love and Light, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

Dear Svenna,

I am curious as to what you expected in the way of responses - it is not the place of the community to decide for anyone if they should or should not transition, should or should not detransition or have the surgery or not.

I will offer support to whoever needs it but I will not tell anyone which path to take there is not a right or wrong for everyone - it is different for each one.

So I really had nothing to say that was helpful, I still don't but you seem to equate the number of responses with how much people care so here is one more response - I do care, very much and I hope that you make the right choice for you.

I made sure of all aspects before I began HRT - it was not an experiment to see if I liked it so I have no personal knowledge as to when or how to stop - I started with an eye on my goal and nothing else.

There are no guarantees about spouses whether you transition or not - people grow together or they grow apart but things always change.

So, we care we just don't know what to say.

Love ya,

Sally

Sally,

Thanks for chiming in. Starting HRT wasn't an 'experiment to see whether I liked it or not', but it was an attempt to mitigate life long psychological suffering, and hopefully, without adding more pain than relief in the process...

At 40 days of low-dose HRT I had seen what I had only hoped 4-6 months of full-on HRT could provide. My social situation as well as my love life were thrust into a much higher-risk situation when my boobage started poking through my shirts. I have made the necessary calculations and adjustments and am now back on my way to full HRT and as much transition as I can muster...

I know it was a tough topic to address. That is why I needed help. It WAS tough to address....

Thanks again..

Love, Svenna

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Hugs to you Svenna ... you are like an "early bloomer" fortunately, with modern medicine, we can control this "second puberty" to some degree. I'm happy that you took the time to consider your path. May is be filled with wonderment, joy and love.

Hugs,

JB

[Guest Svenna]

Svenna I am very sorry you are having these issues here but you have been getting supportive answers. I will admit I saw your post yesterday but did not respond.

Why?

1. I have been rushed lately with life and can't spend as long on to compose lengthy replies on a topic that deserves one. I have been thinking off line about how to respond.

2. I did need time to think about this because as Autumn pointed out it was so counter to your previous posts about transition and getting the results you are on HRT I needed some time to try to sort it all out.

I think we do give support to those who make the choice to stop or slow transition. That is all we can really do. We can't talk them out of it or tell them they are doing the wrong things. Because each of us must make the choice for themselves because only they know what is really going on in their life and the pressures they are under. This is the same thing most GTs will also tell you.

I also suspect that the majority who decide to go back just don't come here anymore because they are struggling to go back to what they were and don't need the distractions and pain of seeing those who are being successful.

You seem to have had results that most if not all of us have not had in such a short period of time. I can see where a lot of member are envious of your progress and maybe shocked at your choice to stop transition. I know it kind of floored me and made me do a double take.

I can also understand how it could be for you when you started having so many changes so fast that you feared the timing was pushing you into places you were not ready for yet. Plus the effects of E on our emotions can pack a real wallop at times. It can be a real roller coaster of ups and downs. Have you thought about that just maybe a lot of these changes are not really noticeable to others or at least not very noticeable. There are a lot of us who have done a fair job at concealing the changes before we were ready for full time and we would be happy to share those with you.

Not sure if we have any members here but I have known of MTFs who have even had SRS and don't live full time and get by. With the right hair style and clothes I think just about any MTF could get through passing as a male most of the time. After all most of us have been living in that drag mode for most of our lives. I think that most of it is just in the "male" attitude that we put on when we have to.

I would also hope that you have talked to your GT to see if they can help you decide.

As far as you wife and your relationship. This is probably one of if not the hardest things we face. How much of ourselves do we sacrifice to keep a relationship together because of the our feelings for each other. That is a place where we can only support but I do understand that you want to not have things to fast when you wife is at least making some moves toward accepting you.

I am one who did stop transition and for me it did not work.

I tried to transition in the early 90s and was a couple of years into the process when I stopped. My then wife had been supportive at first (Or so I thought, only to find out later that she was trying to manipulate me). When I was on the verge of RLT she dropped the bomb on me said she would not be with me after transition and took up with an old lover of hers. This was on top of some other crisis issues I was having and I just crashed. I stopped HRT. I tossed out anything I had female and jumped back headlong into trying to be a guy. In the end I lost her anyway. The other crisis issues were sorted out but they would probably have done so even if I had not stopped transition.

I then spent a bunch of years convincing myself that I was not trans and even tried to convince my mindset that there was really no such thing.

Some people can go back and be successful. Others can't.

I was one of those. I could not go on living a lie. I am now back a couple of years into transition and doing very well this time. But, I do regret the years I wasted after the first time.

But that was just my experience. I can not tell you what to do. I can only tell you my experience from stopping transition. If you have any specific questions about any of the details I would be happy to talk about them here or on PM.

And for what it is worth I can understand some of where Autumn is coming from. This is an extremely stressful time of year for so many of us.

Mia

Mia,

Thank you for your thorough and detailed response. I want you to know that I have read it many times, you effort was not wasted. Many, many wise words were shared with me and I considered them all before I stopped HRT and I reconsidered them as I restarted my HRT. Thank you!

Any info you can share on concealing boobage would be wonderful. I live in the subtropics, it was 80 degrees on Christmas and I was out in two shirts trying to not be noticed. In summer, it is over 100 degrees a LOT!! I don't know how I can hide 'em now, let alone all next summer when I am a B cup or more...yeah, these puppies are growin'!

Also, you were the only one to mention the emotional effects of the E and the unsettling thoughts that accompany it sometimes. Yes, it is a roller-coaster, but what a sweet ride most of the time!

Thanks again, Mia

Love, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

Svenna,

I just read your post this morning, sorry, we all have lives outside of this forum that need tending to. I feel enough has been said here. In all honesty, the phrase "To thine ownself be true" comes to mind. Ultimately, each of us must make the choice on our own. Not even the therapist will suggest you keep going, if your the least bit hesitant.

Like many here, I was in disbelief at your unheard of results. I have been on HRT for 15 months now and maybe just now in an A-cup. I realize my changes are slower due to my mature age and a number of other factors. I was shocked by THIS post. If you want to slow down-fine. If you want to stop-fine. We support your decission whatever it may be. But we can not make that decission for you.

Losing a spouse is rough, I know, I lost mine due to this. Losing family I know about also. I'll be attending "family Christmas" in guy mode, though they all know of my transition, not all are accepting. Losing friends is also a hardship, as yet, I do not know who will stay and who will leave me. I am getting to the point where I'll have to start telling those I care about most. This is a scary position to be in. There are many a downside to transition but.................well I can't finish this thought because it's different for everyone.

You have caused many of us to be rather introspective on our own transition, and I know for me, I wasn't sure what I could add. But, well, there you have it.

Huggs,

Laura Jane

Laura Jane,

I hope you managed well at Christmas. Guy-mode sucks. Simple as that...

Thank you for adding your perspective, this was a critical stage in my 'letting go' and getting out of the way. In hindsight, it was a needed break to assess my situation again in full view of my spouse and in full consideration of her wants and needs. As a result, she agreed I needed the E, accepted I was truly female, swore to love me forever, and promised to try to resume an intimate life with me at some future time. She has come a long way and has many of her own issues contributing to our stress. But I DO believe we can overcome the obstacles, now more than ever...

You are another kind soul in a place rife with goodness!

Thank you...

Love, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

Second thread today I feel Shilo nailed early on.

One thing that you must take into consideration is, many hear are either going through HRT or getting the info and support they need prior to it. Hence, there is a wealth of experience based support but I think (and correct me if I am wrong) that there really aren't many folks here that have gone off of it and if there are, there are not many that stick around thereafter.

So basically the pool of folks that could even offer you advice/experience drops dramatically.

Aside from that, I will leave you with a vid as I believe Morgan puts the picture together quite well. Watch it, it will be worth your time I promise.

Thanks, Jaded!!!

The video was helpful, indeed!

I guess I am one more that tried to get off the E-train, only to find that it is the smoothest ride around...lol!!

I'm back on track now, though!

Thanks again, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

whew...this is a very deep and thought provoking thread, to see so much pure human vulnerability, it makes me stop and wonder... this is truly a difficult path, as it is the most misunderstood and faces the most ignorance from the rest of the world, yet it is a prevailing issue and always will be. Svenna, you were there to answer questions for me which i appreciate, i will try to give my best to give input in gratitude. You are indeed a bit late in transitioning, but you have stated that it's always been in the back growing to a crescendo in to which you decided to take action for it, which led to the 40 days of actual hormone use, you went through a lot to get to this point, and because of your condition, your transition has happened at an accelerated rate. so now you're physically witnessing the effects and reactions play out into your waking daily reality, as where before they were perhaps fantasies or daydreams in your head, the direct subjective experience is indeed quite more intense... it's quite natural to feel the way you do, especially the doubt portion. not just gender transitioning, but any major life changing choice brings with it many doubts. it's at times like these you need to center yourself and put yourself back into the mental position of what drove you here in the first place, why did you decide to do it initially?? choices have there consequences as i'm sure everyone here knows better then me, you seem quite knowledgeable about this topic specifically as you were able to give me some indepth answers, so i think it's fair to say that you really did your homework before starting the journey, have you weighed out all the pros vs the cons? when it comes to the social aspect however, that's one that no one can really predict... i feel that's the one that's also putting strain on you mentally and emotionally right now if that's safe to say? my advice: in a case like this, you really have to tune out everyone else's thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and center yourself, what do you really want for yourself if there was no social repercussions? in the end it's your life blah blah as everyone else has stated, but to add on, you really have to realize that the true nature of reality is subjective! no one will EVER truly know, understand, or sympathize with you fully or what you're going though. it's not your responsibility to make others understand, or for them to accept you for what you are or how you truly feel about yourself. your only responsibility is to make choices that you can smile about when you are on your death bed. life has many paths and many outcomes, more positive then we dare to believe. many on here have said that the large majority of their fears have become unrealized, it was all in their heads... if there's anything i've learned from the wise, is that you should never base a decision from fear(unless it's an emergency or life-threating lol) cause those are the ones that end up in regret...sigh...i'm not sure if i'm being helpful or if this was all the wrong advice lol, i just felt inspired to pour it forth ...but no matter what, there will always be people here and everywhere to help you, the innate nature of humanity is not savage and bad and filled with 'original sin' as religion and outdated psychology will have everybody believe, but i truly believe people are innately good, we all exist because of love, "Existence is wise and compassionate..." so find your peace Svenna!...

BINGO!!!!

I cannot thank you enough, Leela, for you excellent advice and shared insights...

Once upon a time, I was fresh and new on this planet and I too espoused such truisms with equal aplomb. But now, in the fulness of time, it is right for me to receive such words with grace from those less long-lived than myself...

Excellent, excellent, excellent. I owe you girl!

I read your words many times, re-centered, then read them again. Then I moved forward...

The process has found me truer and surer on my path than ever before. It is as it should now be..

Bless you!

Love, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

Hi Svenna,

I know what you are going through, having failed to Transition 3 times. The last time, I was so close.

I had been on hormones a while, and I was noticably changing. Although I never volunteered the information, people could see I was physically changing. Then, I was confronted about my changes, lost everyone in my life, and had to stop Transition to save my job. I fought my GD hard since then, and have only recently accepted what I am.

Being Trans is hard on a good day. You are not alone with your dilemma.

Hugz,

Gina Renee

Gina,

Thanks for sharing with me. Yes, there is and was and will be struggles. At least there is some relief available now, and that is truly worth celebrating with a glad heart.

Here's to us all making it safely to the other side!!

Love, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

Hugs to you Svenna ... you are like an "early bloomer" fortunately, with modern medicine, we can control this "second puberty" to some degree. I'm happy that you took the time to consider your path. May is be filled with wonderment, joy and love.

Hugs,

JB

JB,

Thank you, darling! A steady hand on the tiller will get us through stormy seas, I just keep tellin' myself this over and over...lol...

I appreciate your support, as always!

Love, Svenna

[Guest leela_anima]

Aww! No prob Svenna! I'm really glad that my words helped to some degree! your post hit me emotionally in such a way that i really felt inspired to say something, and i'm glad you were able to move on! this forum is like a family, we're all in this journey together, someday i'll need your advice again so just watch for it lol!

[Guest Svenna]

Aww! No prob Svenna! I'm really glad that my words helped to some degree! your post hit me emotionally in such a way that i really felt inspired to say something, and i'm glad you were able to move on! this forum is like a family, we're all in this journey together, someday i'll need your advice again so just watch for it lol!

Leela,

You are so sweet!

Thanks again...

Love, Svenna

[Guest Jaded1]

Second thread today I feel Shilo nailed early on.

One thing that you must take into consideration is, many hear are either going through HRT or getting the info and support they need prior to it. Hence, there is a wealth of experience based support but I think (and correct me if I am wrong) that there really aren't many folks here that have gone off of it and if there are, there are not many that stick around thereafter.

So basically the pool of folks that could even offer you advice/experience drops dramatically.

Aside from that, I will leave you with a vid as I believe Morgan puts the picture together quite well. Watch it, it will be worth your time I promise.

Thanks, Jaded!!!

The video was helpful, indeed!

I guess I am one more that tried to get off the E-train, only to find that it is the smoothest ride around...lol!!

I'm back on track now, though!

Thanks again, Svenna

Any time sister.

Don't worry, you truly are not alone. No one can steer you (or that train for that matter) other than you but we can definitely offer you perspective.

What really struck a chord with me in Morgan's vid was when she speaks about the fact that you can delay or not go through with transition to make everyone else happy to see the picture they want to see, but you will always have it haunting inside of you and you never really deal with your own issues.

In this case, you HAVE to be somewhat selfish as you are of no good use to anyone if you live a life of false emotions and constant denial and deception.