Questions about others experience with therapy.

[Guest DanielleH]

Hi everybody. I've been seeing a therapist for a couple weeks now and it so far has seemed to be very helpful, but at the same time that it has been helpful it has been kinda scary. Prior to seeing my new therapist, I was beating myself up about my transgender/transsexual feelings. It is kind of odd that just having someone tell you that you are not a freak or a monster, and to knock it off telling yourself that helped. But at the same time now that I have been working on stopping that, and telling myself that it is ok how I feel, my feelings about being trans seem to be a lot clearer and stronger. Is this something that is pretty common ? Sometimes I feel happier that yes I am able to acknowledge that yes I really do feel like a woman, but at the same time I am scared as well. I'm more scared because of where it might lead. I'm married and know that if I do decide to transition that my wife will not want to be with a woman. Even though I am probably more scared than before I started seeing the therapist, I do seem to be a bit happier. I know it probably doesn't make much sense, how can I be more scared and happier at the same time ?

[Guest Krisina]

Hmmm. When we suppress feeling they are still there. You worry that if you let them out you will be opening up a can of worms and you won't be able to put them back in. I understand the fear about your wife and how you fear losing her if you transitioned. She didn't sign up for being with a woman. She likes guys. They are real fears. Many people who transition lose everything I have read. Transitioning is hard.

For some, transitioning, hormones, living full time is a do or die, being suicidal. For others the dysphoria is more manageable including more feminine things for mtf or masculine things for ftm incorporated into your clothing, hair style etc in your life to ease the dysphoria.. It also depends on what is happening in your life, obligations. Sometimes understanding what has been wrong in your life, disjointed finally makes sense like a light bulb being turned on. You can see why you are the way you are.

Speaking for myself. We want to be there for our loved ones, we don't want to be living the life other people want if it's not making us happy eg becoming a dentist for dad when we hate dentistry and want to be a therapist.. We don't want to be selfish, or be rejected, or abandoned either if people only knew who we really are.

Therapy can help. Go slow, cautiously at your own pace. A good book to read and for friends family and co workers is called True Selves. Understanding transsexualism. You might be able to find a copy in your city's library.

Krisina

[Guest ranse]

You're not unusual at all. It's scary to confront the feelings we've buried for a lifetime; you're married, so you know that this is going to change the dynamics in your relationship. You're free to express your true self for the first time in a safe environment at the the therapist's office and it's all overwhelming at times. It's also a time that's full of joy, freedom, and power as you become YOU. Change is scary even if it's good.

[Cyndee]

my feelings about being trans seem to be a lot clearer and stronger. Is this something that is pretty common ? how can I be more scared and happier at the same time ?

Yes, that has happened to me in therapy now for 15 months or so here Danielle. I also have a family here, this was very hard to come to terms with. The therapy sessions have helped me to navigate this emotional mine field. I am transitioning now, and in my case this decision was the right thing to do, and is solving a great number of things. My experience has been over the course of these therapy sessions one of completing the "self acceptance" phase, and ultimately finding ways to be more comfortable. My therapist has been wonderful in allowing me to fully explore myself, and her experience a deep well to drink from.

Best wishes to you Danielle

Cindy -

[Guest Shari]

Hi Danielle,

I've had similar feelings. It is complicated.

When I start separating all my thoughts and fears, usually my thoughts about transition and becoming my true self are positive. My fears are always about how other people will react to me.

I've had some loss. There are good days and bad. My therapy sessions mostly center around relationships today, I'm past the stage of beating myself up.

Hugs,

Shari

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Hi Danielle,

A good therapist has a way of helping us to see things from a new perspective or to uncover insights that we have not yet been able to looked at on our own. This can be quite scary and yet, it can eventually make us also feel more whole ... happier. Therapy is not easy work ... and you must also have a competent therapist. If you find that you are feeling worse more often than you are feeling better about yourself, it time to question your therapeutic relationship. Therapists are just people ... I have seen quite a few in my life and I generally stayed for 2-4 years with each therapist. Sometimes, you outgrow what they can offer ... sometimes they simply have little to offer from the beginning. Eventually, you will be strong enough to not need this type of support on a regular basis. During the process, you will learn that they can not do the"work" for you but they should be able to provide you with the tools to fix what needs repair ... to heal and grow.

Friends can help as well ... keep reaching out.

Hugs,

JB

[Guest DanielleH]

Thanks everyone for your replies. It does appear that I have opened Pandora's Box and there's no closing it now. I've pretty much have known the truth about myself my whole life, I remember wanting to transition 20 years ago, but have been pretty good at lying to myself and beating myself up over it. I guess now the question is what do I plan on doing from here.

[Carolyn Marie]

I guess now the question is what do I plan on doing from here.

That is really the heart of the matter, Danielle, and what your therapist can really help you with. In many ways, admitting you are transsexual is the easy part. The admission by itself doesn't require you to do anything else. It's the "doing" part that scares most people; it certainly scared me. It means your whole life changes in ways you can't even imagine right now. it effects everyone around you as well.

Your therapist will help you navigate those choppy seas, hon. You will need to decide if what you might sacrifice is worth the potential gain. It was worth it for me, and for many others. I have been happier and more at peace with myself, and more satisfied with my life, than at any time in my memory. I have lost little, and gained a whole new world. I can't predict what your outcome will be; no one can. But transition doesn't have to mean the end of things; it can be a new beginning.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie