will hrt make me act crazy? wifey hopes so....

[Guest eliza.d]

hey yall, at my last psych meeting of which my wife was a part, we discussed the importance of noting how hrt makes me feel. doc said that how i begin to respond to hrt will dictate whether it is right for me and whther im truly trans. i agree with the first part, and i plan to begin hrt with an open mind as to whether its right for me or not. wifey ha s been telling everyone hrt is the true test of whether im tg or not, to that part i disagree. if it makes me feel better, good, if it makes me feel slightly depressed, good, if it makes me act crazy, bad. i plan on being truthful about how it affects me, as i am with everything else. i think, its wifeys last ditch effort to get the former man back. im letting her think what she wants in an effort to be sensitive. i know who i am, thats not the question. what is, is what to expect. so feel free to enlighten me with your experiences. i know everyone responds differently, and at a different pace. that being said, lets hear how it went with you.

cant wait to get into this topic.

Thanks in advance,

Eliza D

[Guest Shari]

Hi Eliza,

Everyone is different and has their own reaction. I don't think there is a single correct answer.

You're smart to be honest about how it makes you feel. I think, and this is just my opinion, that there is a tendency to exaggerate the effect. If you start HRT and feel good about your decision, to me, that's clear enough.

I wish you good results and happiness.

Shari

[Guest Donna Jean]

hey yall, at my last psych meeting of which my wife was a part, we discussed the importance of noting how hrt makes me feel. doc said that how i begin to respond to hrt will dictate whether it is right for me and whther im truly trans. i agree with the first part, and i plan to begin hrt with an open mind as to whether its right for me or not. wifey has been telling everyone hrt is the true test of whether im tg or not, to that part i disagree.

Thanks in advance,

Eliza D

lol,....someone has this backwards.....HRT is not a litmus test.....HRT doesn't determine whether one is trans or not...

YOU determine it!

HRT is a tool to help you become yourself or become more comfortable with yourself......

Donna Jean

[Guest Krisina]

I would think that some people might have a bad reaction to certain drugs hormones regardless if they are transgender or not. One never knows until one tries the hormones if that is what you want to do. There are some irreversible affects too but the list is out there on what those are. Best wishes to you regardless of your decision. We won't think any less of you if you do or don't take hormones. It's a big decision.

Krisina

[Guest eliza.d]

i definately want them. ive been doing some research lately to know what to expect. i am excited to be starting soon....jan 6. of course, ill keep everyone posted on how im doing.....i am mrs chatters afterall.

you know, since coming out to my wife amd going full time now, i feel like im already changing....mentally especi all lly. she says i alwYs act like a girl now. i attribute that to being comfortable being who i am and living that way too.

my wife is so supportive. shes my best friend too and that helps.

nite to all,

Eliza D

[Guest GinaInside]

Hormones did affect my emotions, among other things. It seemed like I went through a stage where I would cry over anything; maybe that was stress-related, donno. You will see in about 6 months whether you really want to be on hormones, or not... Good Luck!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

HRT is the most important in the steps of transitioning. Yes it changes you. Yes it makes you into a woman, chemically. But no - it is not a test to determine if you are transsexual, it is a test to see if you want to TRANSITION. Not all transsexual people transition. Health, money, job situation, marriage considerations. all that can keep you from using HRT. It is not for everyone, I mean it WILL make your body feminize, and I am pretty sure it causes a true feminization of your mind. However, suddenly you are on the right fuel and it feels... well... right. But it is reversible the first few months, so if you don't like the effects of HRT, you can discontinue .

Lizzie

[Guest Robin Winter]

What Lizzie said. I must confess, I'm now a full blown addict

Have you seen the movie "Transamerica"? If so, recall the scene when Bree is at her folks place and losing her mind because she doesn't have her pills and rips her mom's medicine cabinet apart looking for some.

I get that now....

I should add...I think my wife felt kinda the same way you believe yours does. But, I'm pretty sure she's secretly pleased with at least some of the changes. I know our relationship has been improving since I started, in many ways. I think your wife will probably find that she'll enjoy the changes in you a lot more than she thought she would too.

[Guest Leah1026]

hey yall, at my last psych meeting of which my wife was a part, we discussed the importance of noting how hrt makes me feel. doc said that how i begin to respond to hrt will dictate whether it is right for me and whether I'm truly trans. i agree with the first part, and i plan to begin hrt with an open mind as to whether its right for me or not. Wifey has been telling everyone hrt is the true test of whether im transsexual or not, to that part i disagree.

Thanks in advance,

Eliza D

lol,....someone has this backwards.....HRT is not a litmus test.....HRT doesn't determine whether one is trans or not...

YOU determine it!

HRT is a tool to help you become yourself or become more comfortable with yourself......

I agree.

In addition everyone reacts to hormones differently. It's preposterous to expect ALL transsexual women to all of a sudden be super happy and positive; lormones and real life don't work that way. For example: Some women go though a very emotional period with crying jags and what-not until the doctor gets the dosage right (translation: high enough). So if you're one of those gals is your therapist going to declare you not trans? That's ridiculous!

Next, I don't think I have to explain to you the effect transition has on relationships. Most relationships simply do not survive.

[Carolyn Marie]

Lots of really good advice and experience in the answers above, Eliza. Please remember that hormones and T-blockers are not narcotics, nor are they hallucinogens. They won't make you something you're not, or make you do things you wouldn't normally do. Whether or not they chemically rewire the brain is, as far as I've read, an open question.

I don't think you should anticipate anything too much, out of fear that if you don't feel something you think you should be feeling, you could get depressed or anxious. Just see what happens, and go from there. There is a lot of truth in the YMMV saying, which is why we repeat it so often.

If you need HRT to confirm for you that you are trans, then I think more therapy is in order. You should know it for a certainty before you ever pop that first pill, IMHO.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[JenniferB]

Hi Eliza,

At first I wanted my mind change so bad it became self-fulfilling. At least for awhile. However now that I'm close to one year on HRT I have to say I'm still the same person. If there are changes they are subtle. One I do notice is how I notice things I used to ignore. Like how someone's teeth look, or what they are wearing, jewelry, makeup, etc... I can never have enough clothes to accessorize with. I never became this keen before hormones.

Jenny

[Guest eliza.d]

hi everyone, and thanks for the advice. ive known i was a trans all my life, even before i knew what a trans was. my wife now fully believes that i am a geniune tg, and that itself is helping our relationship. im looking very much forward to hrt, as i know how much it will help me become thw woman that i am. im not expecting too much physically, whatever happens ill be grateful for. its the mental part im so excited about. it seems as though, even before hrt, that i am mentally changing already. my wife noticed it and so did i. being full time is helping me immensely as well.

i cant wait to get the evil testosterone levels within me lowered and the estrogen levels boosted. trone is not evil, it has just made me feel unnatural, for years. now more than ever.

im confident in my path, and who i am.

really looking forward to hrt and all transition has to offer me.

havent seen transamerica yet. id love to. gotta find it first. perhaps online.

bless you all,

Eliza D

[Guest Nicole163]

Hi Eliza,

I'm basically going to reiterate what the others have said - to some degree. My experience with this has been similar to what Liz said. I had severe depression throughout my adolescence coupled with random and really bad anxiety attacks, I had guessed I had some kind of chemical imbalance in my teenage years and into my early 20's. Knew something was...different about me...I mean, looking back now I should have known in all honesty, I had an extremely feminine private life when I was alone choosing to cross dress since I was 4 or 5. I had always associated the term, transsexual with "Transgender" and other derogatory terms and with only that limited knowledge at hand, chose not to identify with it because that couldn't be me.

Eh, I think i held a position on it that a lot of people still have...just not enough information, a total lack of awareness of it. But I've been on HRT for...Hmm closer to 11 months now, no depression...anxiety attacks at all since starting the regimen, I told my doctor I feel more...level headed, sure of myself...just a huge boost of confidence in who I am. i just feel more complete as a person, something I haven't felt since I was a child (to a degree). Keep in mind when I say I have had no depression, its regarding that nasty inward depression a lot of us feel prior to transition, I still do get it from time to time because of lost relationships and what not due to transitioning but the trade off is worth it to me. You have to think about yourself before others when it concerns your personal happiness.

Hope this helps even a little. Its going to be a new year! Time for some things to end and others to begin!

<3

Nikki

[Guest eliza.d]

thanks nicole, i understand the depression you speak of. i had a problem with that kind of depression and mood swings too, so at the end of high school, my english teacher, who thought she was helping me, referred me to a psychiatrist...who was also on the schools board of trustees. upon visiting him for the first time, and within the first 15 minutes i was there...he told me i was bipolar and he put me on inderal, depakote, lithium, and antipsychotic tranquilizers. none of which helped and actually made everything worse. so when i came out to my family, they all said i was bipolar, and a lunatic...neither of which any of them have the training or credentials to make suche diagnoses. when i attended college, and majored in everything, got a degree in nothing, most of my classes were in psychology. i wanted o learn so i could better understand myself. eventhough i gained and immense knowledge of nearly all psych disorders, the topic of gender dysphoriA and gid wdre not among them. sadly it was not until three months ago, upon coming out to my wife, the problem was identified and help was on the way.

i havent been on any type of meds for psych disorders in over 14 years and sadly again, it was not until recently that i obtained any measure of peace, hope, or direction to help myself and get help.

better late than never. and i am still alive, so that is a victory in and of itself.

i will go on hrt starting jan6, and eventhough i am not on hrt yet, i am feeling better and like myself for the first time in my life. despite fighting and intense battle with my biofam, and the testosterone lingering in my body, i am winning.

not with my dad at all, but that is to be expected and what i feared all those years causing me to hide myself from the world in an attempt to deny myself, and continue to pretend to be what they all thought i was.

no matter who i have lost, and who i will lose...i will never again lose myself.

the kind of sadness and depression and anxiety i deal with now only relates to lost relationships with my biofamcertainly a manageable type of sadness, for which i am better equipped to deal with now, and becoming better equipped by the moment.

i am so excited to live as myself now, and am excited to begin hrt and my transition. i am living fulltime as myself now, and am very happy to do so. finally my life has meaning. finally i am here. finally i am becoming who i am, and who god created me to be.

everyones support here is instrumental in my survival and i hope that my story will in turn help others to survive and live in happiness amd peace as i am.

Hugs, Eliza D

[VickySGV]

The daily (or periodic) ritual of taking your meds can be a time of peace and refreshment since you now have control of something that until now has confrolled you. That is just your mind, and only a tiny bit of the actual medication. I did gain a feeling of completion about 3 weeks into my HRT, as someone else said, you can feel a bit more in charge of your life. Feelings do not make me act crazy as far as I am concerned, but since beginning them, I am a bit more assertive when it comes to living my feelings. Not agressive, assertive!!

January 6, (in addition to being my birthday) is the Church Feast of the Epiphany, which can loosely be termed a coming out celebration since Jesus was seen as outed as a king by the Magi. Appropriate!!

[Guest eliza.d]

well, i have great news. i got my bloodwork results back today and my hrt doc fit me in this afternoon. wifey was a bit tense at the appt. we went and filled my scripts, i took them and began feeling almost instantaneously better...wild isnt it. we then went out for a romantic dinner, and she noticed the happiness and calm that came over me almost as fast as i did.

everythings gonna be ok now. god be praised! im saved! our marriage is saved! now if we can just get the money situation under control. but arent we all dealing with that in this economy.

heading into tjmaxx for some retail therapy with wifey! yeeeaaah!

girlie time!

Eliza D

[Guest John Chiv]

Enjoy your retail therapy and congrats on starting HRT

John

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Good luck, Hon.......

Donna Jean

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Dear Eliza,

Everyone responds differently to hormones. I am extremely sensitive and I have lived with hormone imbalances since puberty. It is a delicate balancing act with me, trying to keep the endocrine system running smoothly. I hope that you have a very positive response to HRT ... journal about your feelings and consider charting your emotions from day to day to help you to discover patterns and reactions.

Hugs,

JB

[Guest eliza.d]

thanks everyone, i plan on charting my feelings. think im going to start a diary.

second day on hrt, and i feel great! very calm and patient. happy too. amazingly i dont feel the shellshock from the fallout with my biofam at all. its their problem i knew, but now i dont feel like they have my emotions to use against me. very empowering. wifey and iare doing better than ever too. thats a blessing. headed back out onto to the open road now to bring in some much needed money. i plan on asking the managers at truckstops if i can use one of the shower bathrooms due to my situation. i mostlikey wont have a prob using the womens restrooms since i am full time now and have my letter, but its still obvious that im in a mans body...unless i get all dolled up with wifey. but i can already see some real woman running screaming out of the bathroom, and another trucker, male, beating on me before the situation can be understood. dont want things to get out of hand so im going to plan accordingly.

happy new year everone.

love you all,

Eliza D

[JJ]

Good news about the effects of HRT and about your wife and your attitude toward your family.

My only problem is with that term "real woman" about the bathroom thing because I feel you are also a real woman - just not the way some understand.

Keep up the attitude and I look forward to hearing more and more good things from you. I know you'll be staying safe out there.

Johnny

[Guest eliza.d]

ditto that. i am a real woman, just shoulda used the term gg, or natal femme for that.

chrissy lee polis of baltimore, a tg mtf, was attacked by two natal females. they really werent real women at all, monsters more appropriately, right.

been very busy now that im back out hauling produce again. ill try to post as frequently as normal, but III usuall drive 750 to 900+ miles a day. produce hauling is no fun but it pays decent.

happy new year johnny and all,

Eliza

[Guest Krisina]

Eliza congrats on getting started on the hrt earlier than expected. That was great that you were fitted into an earlier appointment.

I sometimes wondered about myself and what you and others called anxiety attacks. I don't know if what I had was i don't think it is bipolar either but I could easily get stressed out over little things. Depressed but never depressed enough to be suicidal or take medication for it. Of course being a teen hormones are all over the place but still it was past my teens and into my 30's etc. It could have been from abuse and not talking about it, transgender issues not knowing much about that and thinking I might be gay in denial too or unable to deal with loss in relationships. I'm babbling. It's your topic.

The one thing that always sticks out in my mind bing called "too sensitive". But I'm not sure if that meant too sensitive easily upset or easily getting angry or both. Not sure. I wonder how many others here were called too sensitive. Something girls are sometimes called, sensitive.

Lower testosterone because of age I actually like it.

Krisina

[Guest eliza.d]

well, its funny that you say that, in highschool i was voted best dressed...and most likely to complain at own funeral. lol! ive always been accused of being too sensitive, and wearing my heart on my shoulder.

now my sensitivity is much more of the positive type.

i really feel great now, and mom and dad are noticing it...on the phone that is, they still refuse to see me because im full time.

i refuse to look like they want me to.

im done with boys clothes! planning on donating all my man clothes to goodwill.

woohoo! i was a little depressed yesterday, but it was because i was wearing jeans and a cute top. decide to swap out to a dress and felt much better. theyre great jeans but i still think i have a negative association with jeans and pants, since i just went full time. or maybe im just like my wife and prefer dresses to pants.

this isnt my topic, its all of ours,

post away, i love to your babbling,lol! youve all been so patient, and at times interested, in my incessant babbling!

love mrs. chatters,

eliza D

[Guest eliza.d]

well now, im ten days into my hrt, and i have been feeling dramatically better, more like my true self, by the minute.

i know i made the right decision.

im soooo happy!

Eliza