Gulp! First visit over.

[Guest eliza.d]

mandy, youre just like me sister, i cant atand to see the ones i love suffer. the worst part is ther is little i cam doo to ease their suffering.

about the phase, i got that a lot at first from my biofam, funny in a jot ao funny way, the phase that we are born with, carry for so many years, and still it will not go away.

im saved, but i still cry for all of you who are going thru the intial stages of liberation....and i know how hard it is, godspeed that you and your loved ones get thru it and you can begi living as i am.

its truly amazing, once we fan live as ourselves. youll get there. dont worry, theres hope girl. youre gonna make it.

hugs,

Eliza

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

(((Eliza)))

Thank you for the support sister!!!

Luv'ya

Mandy

[Guest eliza.d]

thats what i do, it goves me great happiness to help others.

you know,

Eliza

[Michelle 2010]

Eliza, I am so happy to hear that.

Well we had a talk and my wife said that she didnt understand how I can be diagnosed without me being disgusted by my man part, and then asked it doesnt disgust you does it? I told her no, it doesnt disgust me. It is just wrong and I would rather be a woman. She also said that I am not like a woman, so I said not liking to be around men, any normal men activities, talking to men, really relating to women, being more comfortable with women, wanting to join the "women's" conversation is like a man. She said "It doesnt have to be just a woman's thing." Since I have never mentioned liking to be pretty, wanting to be pretty, wanting to be taken care of; I didnt mention them at this time. We had already went over my wanting to be a woman. It ended up with her stating that if my outward appearance has to be changed at all she doesnt want to stay. She doesnt want to be married to a woman. I am going to go to lots more counseling of course and we are going to wait for that.

Now my question is, have yall heard of any coping mechanisms transgender people have used to not transition?

If I refuse to be misserable anymore am I just stringing her along, or is this a way to give her more time to think?

I also offered, since I brought this into our marriage and she doesnt want to stay married, I will move out so I will be the bad guy. I have offered for her to go to one of my counseling sessions so she can ask anything she wants.

Last thought, I think, she did say she loves me and wants to be happy, just not at the expense of the family. When she went into the bedroom she did say "I love you."

Well, the good news is my wife went to her first "loved ones" session with my support group 16 months after I started attending... That was in October, and she helped shop for and set up the Christmas Party 6 weeks later. Finally, she just agreed to allow the Valentines Party to be at our house. Additionally, as I have gained acceptance from friends and peers, she has seen that others aren't aghast at the issue. That makes it more ok for her...

The other news is... it will affect your relationship, though how remains to be seen.

In my journey, I have come to believe that there are many opportunities for creating new friendships and social activities that can offset any that are lost, that if you are able to plug into a support group or find a friendly LGBT community in the area.

My coping methods are to find social opportunities and get out of myself by engaging in community service work. Balance can be illusive but so far it is working. If I stay confined to my own mind, I will obsess and go where I don't want to be. I was at my support group yesterday and told a new mtf that when I went to the GT I said I knew I was opening Pandora's Box...That Michelle would take everything that my male self would surrender. That still holds true today.

For me there are several reasons I won't surrender to transition: Money, marriage, potential health complications, age, and so on. My male side is intact, and not feminized, it is just a much much smaller part of who i am, lol!

Best wishes

Michelle

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Eliza, luv'ya girl.

Michelle, lots have happened since that post. Not to repeat what is said in my other topics. We ended up crying together how this will end up affecting our relationship and family, but she also just hugged me to her chest and cried over what I must have went through as a child and as an adult, with this. We are moving in similar directions. I know lots of more pitfalls and tears are to come but, we are on the beginning of a road that I hope will take us to the same destination.