Loads of people said this helped

[Guest musicalice]

A friend of mine suggested I post this somewhere it might help other people. It's a question/answer-type info sheet basically. I don't think it would be a good idea to just hand it out as it is - take the questions, add others that you think people might ask and write your own answers. I followed Andrea James' example: see http://www.tsroadmap...y/jobtrans.html near the bottom of the page.

I separated out the whats from the whys, simply because I think a lot of people don't really care about us, they just want to know how it affects them. So I put that right at the top. And if anyone asks you this, don't umm and ahh about "well, I'm just trying it out" except with close friends (EVEN if you are, don't tell people!) - "What do you want me to do?" "Call me Alice and use female pronouns." That's what they're asking for.

Also, for people who want to use this: I've edited it with square brackets/asterisks saying what I've done. If you use it, don't leave them in!

Hope this helps

Fun Facts about Transsexuals!

Written from my perspective, of course... Don't feel you have to read every word, but hopefully it may answer a few of the incredulous questions now bouncing around in your head And obviously I'd hope that no-one would actually ask some of these – please don't take it as licence to! - but I've put them in because sometimes they go asked silently.

*** PRACTICAL STUFF ***

So what do you want me to do?

Please call me Alice and use female pronouns. I appreciate it will take a while to get used to, but please trust me and make the effort.

And please appreciate that I do not consider myself male at all: I don't appreciate compliments on my masculinity, and I do not consider myself one of the guys. I think of myself as female. I will be dressed in women's clothes (not OTT, but I will be).

What toilets/changing rooms will you use?

Difficult. I don't want to cause a stink about this. I'm not a pervert and I don't want people to think I am, and I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable about this issue. I will try to avoid gendered places as much as possible, as I have done for a while. Though if you do see me in the ladies' loo, I'm not peeping, I'm doing my business. Though it will probably take me a while to muster the courage.

What if I call you the wrong name?

It's going to happen, just please make an effort. I'm not TOTALLY unreasonable... (and yes, *boy name* is the wrong name).

I want to know something else.

Try one of these sites:

[link to my student union's trans resources page, which is very good]

- practical information

http://aebrain.blogs...sexual-and.html

- results of scientific studies into transsexual people [i think Johnny found this first? thankies ]

http://skepchick.org...women-part-one/

- myths and misconceptions about trans women. [thanks Natasha ]

What's happening with Facebook?

I have created a new account under the email address [my new email address]. Please add me on this account; I will remove anyone from university left on my old one soon.

I saw you dressed as a guy. I'm confused!

I will be dressed as a woman from [date]. Before that, I was in boy mode in order to tell people etc.

And if this is after [day] – well, I'm trying, ok?! Other women my age have had like 21 years' experience with this. I have a grand total of about a month.

*** Other questions ***

Why do you want me to do this?

You probably know me as *boy name*, but the fact is, I feel like I am female inside. I feel like people should treat me as a woman. I feel that I should have a female body, that I relate to people as a woman would (that is, a woman with next to no gender-appropriate social conditioning whatsoever).

I'm coming out about this now because it's causing me a lot of distress, amongst other things. It's confusing to identify as female, yet have an undeniably male body. I hate a lot about it, and have always wished there were a way to change it. At best, I correct people in my head whenever they refer to me as *boy name* or as a boy; at worst, being misgendered is like a slap around the face.

So I'm simply doing this to be happy with the person I show to the world, and to be comfortable in my own skin.

This change will not affect my personality (don't pretend to be disappointed, I'm not that bad!!). The only change will be that I use a different name and wear different clothes. Please trust me that this is how I feel and identify, despite my appearance.

How did you choose your name?

[removed, sorry, it's personal ]

Who do you fancy, men or women?

I'm not sure, really. I think women, but I'm not sure. Suffice to say I'm probably not going to be worrying about it for a while. Plus, I've kinda got to concentrate on my exams :\

Are you gay?

As in happy? Hopefully.

As in a homosexual man? No, cuz I'm not a man.

As in a homosexual woman? Might be, I don't know right now.

Aren't you just a perv?

No. This has nothing to do with my interests, quirks or sexual persuasion - this is to do with how I think of myself. It's weird, I know, I've struggled with it for years. Simply put, I'm a woman with a weird bodily configuration.

How can you want to be a woman and fancy women? Aren't transsexuals just gay?

Gender identity (male/female) and sexual orientation (hetero/homo/bi/pan) are different things. Sexuality is who you are attracted to, gender is who you are attracted as.

Like I said, this has very little if anything to do with my sexuality. It's like liking pizza and salad. (which I do, actually ).

I don't like men who try and fool me into thinking they're women.

I don't like trying to fool people into thinking that I'm really a guy. It's unpleasant and it's lying. I have had to hide a large part of who I really am all my life, because I am a woman, not a man. I'm doing this because I want to stop lying. If you're uncomfortable with it, I'm sorry but you're just going to have to get used to it. You don't have to talk with me if you don't want to.

But if you have a penis, then you are a guy. QED.

I tend not to think with my downstairs region. My brain is at least a metre away from it thanks to my height, so the latency would be huge; and there's nothing down there to think with. What I have attached to my body has nothing to do with the way I perceive myself. [a lot of my friends are scientists and would appreciate this sort of logic]

That said, it is confusing and distressing to have a guy's body and yet feel like I should have a female one. Another reason why I'm doing this.

There are also some scientific results that show that male-to-female transsexuals (trans women, i.e. people like me) have brains resembling natal (biological) women, and female-to-male transsexuals (trans men) have brains resembling natal men.

Unfortunately, there's nothing I can show you that proves my transgenderism (another term for people who feel uncomfortable in their assigned gender). You'll just have to take my word for it. Sorry :\

Wait, transgender? Aren't you transsexual?

Yay, jargon!

Transgender – kind of an umbrella term for anyone who feels their birth/assigned gender does not describe them. There are all sorts of transgender (trans-) people, e.g. cross-dressers, androgynes, genderqueers, drag queens, drag kings and transsexuals.

Transsexual – someone who feels they are the opposite gender to the one they were assigned at birth (their assigned or natal gender). So a transsexual person is transgender, but a transgender person is not necessarily transsexual.

Trans woman – what I am. A male-bodied person who feels like she is female.

Trans man – a female-bodied person who feels like he is male.

There are loads more terms, but you can google those (“define transgender”).

So like Dorothy (from Tootsie)/Mrs Doubtfire/Lola (Kinky Boots – that is a GOOD film!)?

… no. Michael Dorsey (in Tootsie) dresses as a woman to find work. Daniel Hillard (Mrs. Doubtfire) dresses as a woman so that he can see his children. And Lola (Kinky Boots) is more like a cross-dresser or drag queen – he cross-dresses because he wants to, or as a performance, but still feels he is a man. I think. You'd have to ask him if you met him.

Are you a cross-dresser?

Nope. A cross-dresser is a man/woman who dresses in women's/men's clothes, for whatever reason (sexual feeling/emotional reasons I think are the main ones). They're almost exclusively heterosexual (as in, attracted to women). It's generally accepted that about 1 in 50 men cross-dress.

Are you a hermaphrodite?

Not that I know of. It's generally known as intersex now – someone who has the physical characteristics of both genders. That's another “birth condition”, but it's not who I am.

How did you end up like this?

I think it's generally accepted that it's something you're born with. There are theories of hormone imbalances in the womb, hormone imbalances after birth, parents giving a child toys of the opposite gender (I think the last one's pretty much debunked now.) It's not really anyone's 'fault', it's just how I am.

How do you know?

There are a variety of things, but the biggest one is just that it makes sense in my mind, and it explains a lot about my life. I could quote stories at you, but there are too many to go over here. Besides, I've spent six months in general counselling and six months in specialist counselling in *far away city* trying to answer this question. Anything more would be an essay.

I do know that I never felt like I fitted in at school, and I often felt like I was putting on an act. But I suppose I just assumed everyone thought like I did. I always wished I could've been born a girl, but I didn't really connect that with the former until about a year ago.

How long have you felt like this?

Complicated to answer

Like I didn't fit in: since about 7 I think.

Like I hated my body: pretty much as far back as I can remember.

Like I wanted to be a girl: at least eight years, and possibly more.

That you need to live as a woman: this has been sort of on and off. I remember thinking about it when I was in mid-teens.

It's hard to go further, I think I blotted out a lot of memories of being young.

How long have you been serious about this?

Since last December. I didn't tell a soul before then. Then something in my mind changed and I decided I needed to get to the bottom of it.

Are you mad?

I don't think so! I do have four letters from three healthcare professionals who think I am probably sane, which is always nice to know.

You'll never be a real woman.

Gee, thanks for your opinion.

You're going to look WEIRD!

Sadly, yes. I'm going to look and sound pretty damn funky for a while and possibly forever. That's just how it's got to be. I'm fed up of lying to people.

You're weird!

Again, always nice to hear people thinking!

[Guest]

Hi Alice,

What a nice read to wake up to! Thank you for sharing this!

Love, Megan

[JJ]

Very, very good!

Thank you. It will very likely help a lot of people

Johnny

[Guest Donna Jean]

But if you have a penis, then you are a guy. QED.

I tend not to think with my downstairs region. My brain is at least a metre away from it thanks to my height, so the latency would be huge; and there's nothing down there to think with. What I have attached to my body has nothing to do with the way I perceive myself. [a lot of my friends are scientists and would appreciate this sort of logic]

LOL....I can go and stand in a garage, but, that wouldn't make me a car.....

Dee Jay

[Sally]

I like this very much and those questions are the ones most people ask - pretty much in that order.

Thank you for a very good topic, your answers are well thought out but never overlook using the "That is too personal" answer whenever you are uncomfortable with the question or the inquisitor.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest musicalice]

Thanks all of you, I'm glad you think it'll be useful

@Sally When I wrote this, I basically tried to put myself in the position of someone I'd just told, and imagine what they'd want to ask. Glad it seems to be working

But if you have a penis, then you are a guy. QED.

I tend not to think with my downstairs region. My brain is at least a metre away from it thanks to my height, so the latency would be huge; and there's nothing down there to think with. What I have attached to my body has nothing to do with the way I perceive myself. [a lot of my friends are scientists and would appreciate this sort of logic]

LOL....I can go and stand in a garage, but, that wouldn't make me a car.....

Dee Jay

I can drink petrol, but it won't make me vroooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

I bet we could make a topic out of those.

[Guest John Chiv]

Alice,

Thanks for posting this and great answers!

John

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Yeah, thanks it was fun!

Dee Jay

(here's a can of petrol!)

[Guest Mia J]

This is good, thanks for posting.

Mia

[Guest Shari]

Hi Alice,

That's very helpful.

Thank you.

Shari

[Reagen]

Great post! I guess that I'm a little more blessed with my S/O working as a practitioner and has a very close trans friend. My family might hold me in another regard. I believe that they will accept me for who I need to be. It might take time, but I completely understand and accept this. Heck, it has taken me years to accept it for myself.

Is there ever a good time to come out to your S/O? I know she will be understanding, but the last thing that I want is to hurt her. I'm just starting out in my journey and I guess as time goes by I'll become more and more confident. Our 12th wedding anniversary is at the end of the month so I'm sure I can't say anything until after. "Happy anniversary honey! Oh, by the way I'm trans."

We are in the middle of remodeling parts of our house. So I know that I will need to answer questions regarding that since I'm doing a lot of it myself. I guess I will just be that hot chick with a power tool!

I'm starting therapy today, God knows I need it. I'm hopping that I can be able to get a grip on everything before I come out! It's not fare for me to dump this on my family and not be strong enough it accept their reactions and or questions.

I know with my S/O I will need to be the strong and confident one during this period.

~R