How do I say...

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

There have been several times I have been told not to say "I was diagnosed with GID." If that isnt correct what should I say? Also why isnt that right?

[Drea]

If a doctor has diagnosed you with GID, why not say it?

[JJ]

No one ever told me not to say it. Though I usually just sticl with trans. The word I avoid like the plague outside the community is transsexual because I am anything but most people's perception of a transsexual so I feel it misccommunicates. I do try to avoid as many acronyms and labesls as possible too because I think just getting across the basic concept of who I am is difficult enough without adding other words to it.

I have read that some people reject the idea of GTD because of the word disorder that is in it and we do not have a mental disorder. Others say it defines us wrongly as mentally ill and that may be where the objection to the term is coming from. It is a diagnosis made necessary by the SOC but is increasingly controversial from what I have read.

We have a real struggle ahead of us to even define ourselves as a community don't we?

My advise is do what your are comfortable with and what works for you.

Johnny

[Guest Abner]

In my opinion, saying you have GID can be wrong for a number of reasons.

Identifying as having GID instead of as being transgender sheds a different, not entirely truthful light on the situation. Because of the term 'disorder', people could take that as a ticket to think of your gender identity as something that is wrong with you, something that hurts you, and something that needs to be fixed (e.g. like a mood disorder, or a personality disorder). They could take it as a sign that they can dismiss your gender identity, as well as your other thoughts about gender, as just you being 'crazy', not as your genuine experience of your own gender. It could invite them to think of you as your assigned sex, and for them to think about any steps in your transition as tragic things you're being subjected to based on your diagnosis, rather than a process that helps you feel whole and happy as who you are.

I personally would not want to identify as having GID, because a person's gender identity is not something that is wrong with them (and I haven't been diagnosed with it anyway). I merely have an uncommon gender identity, and uncommon experiences regarding gender, which is what the term 'transgender' stands for anyway. Plus it seems to me that I could take a lot of confusion out of the whole process by just telling them what my gender identity is, rather than a very broad diagnosis they may have never even heard of.

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

While I understand your point and will speak that way to more informed people, my family (especially my parents) wont understand all that. I am trying to figure out what to say when I tell them. It is not going to go over good. I know, I know, it might suprise me but I highly doubt it. They are highly religious and are tolerant in a "That is wrong but I am not going to harp on it kind of way." I know they arent going to seperate being transgender from being gay and arent going to take my word for it. More than likely they are going to think my therapist has talked me into it. Telling them is going to be hard. That mixed with the logistics of them being in Louisiana and my being in Delaware is a very hard thing to figure out.

I think I am going to try a men's and women's brains are actually "wired" differently and mine is wired like a woman. Over the years this has depressed and confused me, and finally I have gotten to a point where I am not functioning in life. I have been to therapy and... that is what I am trying to figure out. My plan is to slowly but steadly go through my story without stopping then let them respond.

Thanx for the input guys,

Mandy

[Drea]

Identifying as having GID instead of as being transgender sheds a different, not entirely truthful light on the situation. Because of the term 'disorder', people could take that as a ticket to think of your gender identity as something that is wrong with you, something that hurts you, and something that needs to be fixed (e.g. like a mood disorder, or a personality disorder). They could take it as a sign that they can dismiss your gender identity, as well as your other thoughts about gender, as just you being 'crazy', not as your genuine experience of your own gender. It could invite them to think of you as your assigned sex, and for them to think about any steps in your transition as tragic things you're being subjected to based on your diagnosis, rather than a process that helps you feel whole and happy as who you are.

By transitioning isn't one taking steps to correct the disorder? By saying it isn't a disorder, dont you take away the need to treat and thus there being no purpose to transitioning, taking hormones or anything else? Just my opinion, but seems to me that a diagnosis is what opens the door to validating treatement as legitimate rather than simply it just being something in ones head.

I understand how some may consider the word "disorder" stigmatizing. One could say the same for just about any other psych condition.To me it is just a name for the condition.

To say it is "transgender" suggest a lifestyle choice. For me at least it isn't a lifestyle thing but I guess some do consider it a lifestyle choice. For those who do see it that when, the diagnosis may not apply.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

It's like the gays had in the past......The DSM-IV had them as having a "disorder" and that was finally removed, because it is not a disorder!

The new DSM-5 will change our definition from GID and forever remove the stigmatizing word "Disorder"...

I understand how some may consider the word "disorder" stigmatizing.

Like KimberlyF said...."It's a free country!"

Donna Jean

[Guest musicalice]

I prefer to say I suffer from gender dysphoria, and am undergoing treatment to mitigate the symptoms. I think that makes the right balance of medically-necessary treatment and "I'm not crazy"-ness Also, disorder implies there's something wrong with it; there isn't, unless dysphoria is present. Then it becomes a condition that requires treatment. I would imagine it's possible to find someone who identifies as a different gender to their natal one yet suffers no dysphoria.

[Drea]

.It's like the gays had in the past......The DSM-IV had them as having a "disorder" and that was finally removed, because it is not a disorder!

I would note that being gay doesn't involve going on medication and having surgery.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.It's like the gays had in the past......The DSM-IV had them as having a "disorder" and that was finally removed, because it is not a disorder!

I would note that being gay doesn't involve going on medication and having surgery.

Absolutely correct!

dj

[Guest Abner]

By transitioning isn't one taking steps to correct the disorder? By saying it isn't a disorder, dont you take away the need to treat and thus there being no purpose to transitioning, taking hormones or anything else? Just my opinion, but seems to me that a diagnosis is what opens the door to validating treatement as legitimate rather than simply it just being something in ones head.

Well, right now getting diagnosed can validate the need for treatment, and I can understand that. But I don't believe that a person's gender identity should be called a disorder, just like I don't believe their sexual preferences should be called a disorder. I think that if people are uncomfortable with their bodies or their social roles or their balance of hormones, they should be able to transition no matter what. I don't think there should have to be a person who has to validate what they know to be true inside before they can take medical or social steps to make themselves more comfortable in their lives. Although I understand that therapy and talking with doctors can help you figure things out if you aren't sure, I don't think they have any place saying your identity is a disorder and I don't think you should have to prove that you're 'really trans*' or 'trans* enough' to get procedures you need.

Oops. Hope we're not derailing the topic too much, Amanda.

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Nope, it is a very interesting read. I was curious about it. I am still trying to figure out how to tell my parents though. I just was trying to figure out some wording. I am from an area that wont have a clue about any of this. I think I have decided that no amount of explaining is going to help. I am going to just have to lay it out in simple terms and face whatever they through back. To them, if I decide to transtition, I will be comitting a horrible sin. The end question will be how they react. Love and compassion in them telling me I am comitting a sin or anger when they tell me that. Of course I am borrowing problems from the future which I try to tell myself not to do, but I never listen.

[Drea]

Why the rush to tell your parents?

First, perhaps you should get to deciding if you will transition or not, Would you tell regardless and if not transitioning what would you tell?

And if transitioning, what hurry is there in telling?

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Your correct, if I dont transition I am not going to tell them. If I am going to transition, at the point where I will have to tell my children because they may notice something, I will tell my parents. I dont want my children to have to keep a secret. It isnt a rush necessarily but I need something to worry about and that is my biggest worry right now. I am scared about my marriage but I am worried about telling my parents, if that makes any sense.

[Guest Juniper Blue]

I try to be specific and usually use the term trans or gender dysphoria

Or when describing my personal expereince, I more commonly speak of body dysphoria ... and sometimes, I will speak of social dyshporia and androgyny.

I find that the language is not well suited to what I experience and I often must communicate with great care.

We are all very different, even with our similarities. The concept of gender variance is sometimes difficult for people (especially those who are cis) to grasp. It may take time to help others really connect and absorb what you are conveying. Clincical terms may be of help but for me, relating personal experiences seems to bridge the gap most effectively.

I hope this helps,

JB

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

A warm hello to all!

Fascinating and important discussion!

Thanks to all contributing!

Brad

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

We are all very different, even with our similarities. The concept of gender variance is sometimes difficult for people (especially those who are cis) to grasp. It may take time to help others really connect and absorb what you are conveying. Clincical terms may be of help but for me, relating personal experiences seems to bridge the gap most effectively.

I hope this helps,

JB

I am thinking of doing this. Trying to "prove" it technically will be pointless I think. Just pointing out through my life examples of my having a female mind will be best.

Brad, I love the advice I get here, and I love the uplifting posts you always share.

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

Hi Amanda,

I also enjoy your topics/posts.

I wonder if talking about your feelings might be a helpful approach. While some will argue with (debate) the theories on all you have mentioned above, would your parents debate your own feelings about this? Many people easily debate/doubt "diagnoses" of all types.

Yet, if you speak from your heart and share your own experience, your own feelings, your own sense of "knowing yourself best," might others listen more carefully and offer more acceptance?

I don't know the answer, by the way! Just wanted to share my thoughts with you!

Take excellent care of you!

Brad