Apathy...

[Guest Amberley_Vail]

Apologies in advance for rambling.

I dont know if this is normal, whether this means Im not commited, whether im confused, whatever.

Very recently, Ive completely lost interest in being feminine. After coming out to my friend, getting some online counselling, and setting myself up for a referral from my new GP, I now find myself looking at my girls clothes with the same apathy as I do my guys clothes. I still have my nails painted nice, and feel much better keeping my body hair in check, but all of a sudden Ive stalled.

I find myself wantign to do as little as possible. My PS3 hasnt been on in days [a shock for me!] I just seem to work, go to the gym, come home and sleep. Ive put off going to see my friend that lives 200 yards away, and I find myself looking for excuses to not do things.

Do any of you other girls get to feeling like this? Am I just retreating from the perceived new freedom of knowing who I am? Because right now it feels like im regressing rather than just shying away. =[

xx

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Amberly, my suggestion is not to make any decisions and just keep receiving counseling. I am sure there are various reasons that can cause apathy and you dont want to jump to conclusions. Just hold where you are at and see if you and the counselor can get to the bottom of it.

Hugz,

Mandy

[Guest Shari]

Hi Amberley,

Yes, I know the feeling. I don't know why it happens unless it's like a pressure valve, releasing a little energy.

Don't push yourself and definitely don't feel bad or worried about it. You should continue to talk with your therapist and look at it as another dimension you are discovering about yourself.

Hugs,

Shari

[Guest Amberley_Vail]

I was packing up some stuff in preparation for my move next month. I packed up all my girly clothes and felt nothing. Not sadness that I couldnt wear them for a month, not happiness that I was seeing the back of them, no anger that I was having to hide again, nothing.

I hate this state. Ive gone from knowing who I am and hiding, to knowing with a measure of openness, to not knowing anymore. I dont know who I want to see in the mirror any more.

Meh. I subscribe to Nancy from Terminators view. "In a hundred years, who's going to care?"

[Guest Jenny C]

I totally understand you !!!

You know, We're totally free to experience things as they come... It is a right and I think we have no choice but to accept it... Follow the flow.

I see my progression in life as a two step forward, one step backward thing... Sometime, three step forward... and 8 backward or whatever...

Why not !!! ?

It is the joy of freedom... Of being who I am, who evolves all the time...

Every possibilities are there... And usually there is message for us at the end of those steps... And who are we to judge... What appear to be backward steps are sometime forwards step in the end or sideways steps...

It's the joy of life... ;-) To follow our path...

The answers come, when it is time... no choice...

Love,

Jenny