How would you feel?

[Guest AdenAngel]

My mom tends to do this thing where she'll ask me to go shopping with her. I will usually say no because A) I don't like shopping I like shopping even less when it's with my mom and C) I only go shopping when I need something. So then she'll go and buy me a bunch of super girly stuff, like seriously sometimes I feel like she's just bought me a bunch of Barbie vomit, and of course this is the awkward part. Because my mom expects me to be all kinds of excited and the like when really it makes me feel really uncomfortable.

If I don't act like I'm excited then she decides it must be something personal -.- and either gets all weepy or mad at me,depending on the day, and I just don't even know how to react or feel about it.

Because her favourite thing to say is that I'm not grateful when in reality I really am grateful she's thinking of me I just I don't know its hard to put into words >.<

[Guest ranse]

Tell her that you are grateful she's thinking of you. Sometimes you need to say it out loud. I'm sorry, I don't remember more of the details of your relationship with your parents. Does she know you're trans? If so, can you gently explain that girls' clothes make you very uncomfortable. If she doesn't know and you're not ready to tell her, maybe you can find some more androgynous styles to show her and say that you like clothes like that.

[Guest ShortyT]

If that were me and my mom, I might sit her down before said shopping and tell her flat out that IF she should feel like buying something - which I is a very kind gesture but wouldn't be expected, to keep in mind that I'm not into girly style stuff. And that I wouldn't be into it even if it was the [insert random hero of a lifetime] who got it for me.

But that's just me. (I'd probably just give her a raised eyebrow though, which is generally all my mom needs to get that she's on the wrong track.. )

[Guest wolfySH]

My Mom just invited me for a "ladies day out" shopping in the first time in... months?

We always get into some sort of huge fight because she notices me eying the men's section and gets upset.

I really want to feel close to her, but...

:c

If I have to not be me in order for me to not "make her sick" as she puts it, how am I supposed to ever be close to my mother? xD

Anyway, I know where you're coming from, bro, believe me.

Same situation over here and it sucks.

(except I love shopping... but not for girlygirl barbievomit clothes)

[Guest UnicornGiggles]

I got a load of pink socks for Christmas, so I feel your pain.

My mother loves to give surprise gifts to people, and I hate surprises - whatever their gender implications. She doesn't quite get it.

As painful as it is, explain that you want to choose your own clothes, and if she does give you a surprise outfit, say thank you and never wear it. If she's as oblivious as my mother then she probably won't get the hint, but at least her feelings won't be hurt. If she insists that you wear the items, put your foot down.

[Guest Talon]

Hey there,

Off the top of my head, I'd say it depends on whether you're out to your Mom yet or not.

If you're not out to her yet I'd take a calm and respectful talk with her, explaining that you are very grateful that she is thinking of you and wants to get you stuff but that you are just not really into pink stuff, barbie stuff etc. Whether or not she knows you are trans it is totally reasonable, understandable and normal for that matter to have your preferences about what you like and dislike. If your preferences change that is normal and understandable too. So if you tell her that and try to let her know what you would like instead, or that you prefer she doesn't get you anything at all for the time being, I think that'd be a completely ok thing to say

If you are out to her, I'd remind her of what you told her and with all respect ask that she treats YOU with respect and respects the decisions you have made - and takes you seriously when you say that girly stuff is not cool anymore. Even if she has a hard time with that, I think you are the one to decide and if she already knows you're trans, she has to work on respecting your choices.

No matter what, I think it's very acceptable to tell your Mom what you like and dislike and it can certainly be done in a nice and harmless way.

Well, good luck!

All the best,

Talon.