Coming out at school?

[Guest Kallum]

I'm 16 years old and am about to start year 11.

It seems that my parents don't think that I should come out while I'm still at high school. I can see where they are coming from. It's a big change for them and I'm not sure wether my school would be ready to cope with it. The thing is I'm not sure what to do in the mean time. I know that I am still young and that it would be easier to transition when I'm 18 and can give my own consent but I don't know if I can go through another 2 years of being called a girl.

I'm thinking that next time I see my GT I will ask her opinion on the matter.

I was wonder what everyone else thought and if you have any experiences to share?

Thanks,

Kal

[JJ]

Kallum,

There is no easy answer to this and I agree with your decision to discuss it with your GT.

The things to consider as I see it are first the level of distress you are in living in the incorrect gender now. If it is unbearable and causing psychological damage it might be the right decision in spite of the heightened stress you are bound to face transitioning at school.

Transitioning isn't a sudden thing and unless you have been full time awhile you won't have it down pat and there will be some confusion from that. And added stress.

Another thing to consider is the environment in your school and area and the potential social repercussions for you. Most schools pay lip service to anti-bullying now but many are either ineffective at dealing with the reality or turn a blind eye. They also cannot protect you away from school property. Can't keep the calls and texts away from you once you are not actually at school.

Another consideration is whether you are psychologically ready and able to handle the repercussions. No matter how it goes it will be very stressful at a time when most of us experience a lot of stress just being teens and in school trying to fit in and find our way.

All of those things need to play a part in your decision. There are sometimes no easy or clear cut answers. Just finding a balance between your need and the realities of the consequences of being who you are.

I hope you find that balance. Your therapist should be a great guide. It's why they are there.

Johnny

[Carolyn Marie]

Kal, I have to agree with Johnny on this issue.

There are many dangers in coming out at school. Do you have a support group of friends already? If not, you may be socially isolated and have no one to turn to for support and protection. Does the school or school district have a policy on transitioning students? Will the administrators and teachers be supportive? What about their policy on bathroom use, or gym class (assuming you have gym)? How strong is their anti-bulllying rules, and even if there are such rules, how safe will you be?

High school is probably the most difficult environment to transition in, Kal. I know it sucks to have to wait, but you really need to think all of this through and discuss it with your parents and school admininstrators before you decide.

I hate to be a naysayer, but my interest is in keeping you, and other teens thinking about the same thing, safe.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest NatashaJade]

Hi Kallum!

Here's my professional opinion as a high school teacher and someone who came out in that environment. It's very simple, really. Talk to your school counselor/social worker/intervention specialist. This is the person at the school who will best be able to advise you as to how the school will accept your transition and if it will accommodate you. Please feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions about this. I can't speak for how the system is in Australia, but high schools are high schools.

xoxo

Tasha

[Guest Mia J]

Hi Kallum, It looks like you have got some good advise from us oldies. It would be nice if someone nearer your age would tell you about their experience.

Just a couple of things from me.

Tasha is right on in talking to your school officials to see where they stand and if they will help you. Without their support it will almost certainly not turn out good.

The other thing is to look at your longer future. Even though the most important thing to you at this time is needing to transition and live as your true self. (Believe me all of us have been there). It is important to have a plan to reach your goals. One of the most important things you can do for now is to concentrate on your education and do the best you can academically so that you can get employment that will let you transition and live as you need to do. Two years is not a long time to have to put up the the current situation when you have another 70 years ahead of you.

Mia

[Guest Kallum]

Thank you for all of the great advise, (oldies ... your not old as such, just matured!)

The thing that I've learnt most from the adults in my life is that I don't need to do everything at once. For me it might seem like a long time to wait because I am young, but I have I long future infront of me. To be able to enjoy that future I need to make well thought out decisions now and consider all of the possible consequenses.

I think that I have enough in my life that is positive to keep me going until I finish high school. That, plus I have enough distractions and stresses as it is. I think that for the next two years I will try to put my focus into my fitness and wellbeing.

Kal