The letter has been written, now how to deliver to my Mum?

[Guest happiness28]

Hello everyone

I'm quite new, first post other then my introduction. Basically I have a question, I am sure it comes up a lot, would really appreciate any advice possible.

So I wrote my coming out letter to my Mum. But I have no idea how to give it to her. Should I just walk up and hand it to her, email one night before I got to bed so she sees it on the morning, put in the the bench and go out till she calls me? Or how? I am just so lost.

One last thing, i finished off the letter by saying.

I love you,

From your daughter,

(...Name...)

Is this to much to put in a coming out letter? I am so lost I really don't know what to do.

Would love some help! Thanks!

[Guest Robin Winter]

I *personally* wouldn't have signed it the way you did. But then, I'm a coward. Only you can really answer that question, because only you know what can be expected from your mum, and more importantly, you know what your mum would expect of you. I think people are less likely to have a negative reaction if your coming out at least tries to stay within the confines of what they already know about you. Too much too fast can have the opposite effect we're hoping for.

Just my 2 cents.

[Guest happiness28]

Hi Shilo

Thanks for your reply. As you sound stay with they already know about you. I have a feeling that my mum already knows. So I think it will be ok. I hope.... :S

She has always told me that she will love me know matter what. So I am quite confident!

[Guest Robin Winter]

Then I say go for it

[Guest Roux]

Whenever I had to communicate something difficult to my mom, I'd always leave a letter beside the coffee pot on my way to school. That way she would be sure to find it, and she'd have a good nine hours to herself to read it and absorb it before she had to see me again. Because I'm a chicken at heart and couldn't hand them to her in person. =)

[Guest Mia J]

I think a letter handed to her would be the best.

The next thing would to leave it for her in a place she would find it.

I do not think I would email it or make her wait for hours after she has read it to talk to you.

Mia

[Guest MissSiul]

You are MtF,right?if so,the end is quite heavy for the first time,I was as kind and nice as possible and still my mother wasn't very pleased with my letter.I wrote from my heart and that's important,my dad quite supports me and said that my letter was amazing.

I let the letter in the table with a a pink crocodile(that things for holding pacakges with food so it wont spoil,I dont know the english name)while I was at school and then we talked about it when my dad got home from work(he always comes after my mother).I was really scared about it so it took some months to actually do it,but one day I woke up feeling that it was the day,and I did.Only you can know the right time.

I do regret not coming out before,because even with my mother not accepting,my dad does so maybe it will take time to her.Don't rush things but still try to think about the time you are losing.

Others factors,how do you think she will react?do you already have a psychologist that you believe that can help you?she may don't bother to look for one,so it is good to have on you can trust

Hope the best for you

Hugs

I hope everything turns out okay

[Guest happiness28]

Thanks everyone for the help. Every time I go to give her the letter I just chicken out, it's such a daunting thing to do. I really have to do it though for my sake.

Yes Misssiul I am MtF. Thanks for you're post it was really helpful and in depth. In response to you're questions, I think she will take it well, and will help her understand many things. And no I don't have a Psychologist yet, I have been looking, I believe there is a gender clinic about 1 hours drive but thats it.

You say don't rush, but I have to.... Every day I wait I feel worse in myself and it makes me feel like I will never be able to come out, also this might sound very strange, but if I don't come out in the nest 2 days my life will take a turn that will be very hard to come out after that. I mean it would be still doable, but then I may not be able to start transition for quite a long time if I wait more then two days. That sounds stupid I know, but it's hard to explain.

Thanks again for your help everyone

[Guest MissSiul]

I understand the feeling,every day I would say to myself "tomorrow morning I will let the letter to them"ere,but as the morning came,I was too scared.I made a topic back than about the right time to come out,and people said that only me could know,and it really was like that,it was automatic,I wasn't thinking too much when I did.

Everything got better in my life,I didn't had to worry about coming out,but the worries changed to go to a GT(I've been into a non GT but I found a GT and I hope I get to have therapy with her).

Another advice:prepare yourself for bad reactions.It sounds horrible but sometimes people have the very opposed reaction we thought they were going to.I thought my dad was going to turn into a raging beast and that my mom would support me,in the end my dad kinda supports me and my mom pretend that nothing is happening to me.

In my opinion,it is better to regret something you did rather then something you wish you did,but only you can do it in the right time.

Waiting for updates of your coming out^^

Hugs

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

When I came out to my mum I wrote a letter, handed it to her and then stayed there while she read it so I could answer questions. I think that was the best approach with my mum coz she tends to ignore things she doesn't feel comfortable with so if I'd just left the letter for her somewhere she probably wouldn't have ever even acknowledged reading it. I choose to do it that way because I knew how my mum was likely to react.

You know your mum so my advice to you would be to think of how she reacts best. Does she need time to digest things? Does she need to be able to ask questions and respond? Will she come to you to give her response or will she need you to initiate the conversation even though you already wrote down what you needed her to hear? Things are most likely to turn out well with telling your mum if you do it in a way that she is most able to receive it.

I hope it goes well. I know it's a terrifying thing to do but I hope you're right about your mum taking it well.

Gabe

[Guest happiness28]

All done Wow I never felt better in my life. It went so well, she said it all made sense now and she will support me though anything hehe So excited

She is happy for me to move as happy as fast as I want and feel I should go. Could not have gone any better!

Thanks for all your help and kind words

Life is amazing....

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

That's awesome, I'm so happy for you.

Gabe

[JenniferB]

That is great and has made my evening. Now you know that transitioning can begin with the support you need. Now is the time to prepare because changes will come quickly.

Love,

Jennifer

[Guest happiness28]

Thanks i'm still on cloud 9 Hope it does not come crashing down this arvo, mum is going to help me tell dad. Ill let you know how it goes.

[Guest Roux]

That's fantastic! Sounds like you have a great mom there. Fingers crossed that it goes as well with your dad!