HRT why not give it a try and not be FT

[Guest Krisina]

Why not I ask myself, why not start HRT?

HRT not FT and dressing up once in a while off work hours should be workable shouldnt it?

I want to at least try HRT. Bring more calm and peace internally to my life and see some physical changes.

I don't have a proper sex life because of my in-congruent gender identity.

My dysphoria isn't going away, it always here.

It doesn't matter even if I don't dress up for a couple of weeks because I know my body doesn't match my brain. Heck it would even be nice to be able to dress up in male mode knowing I had an entirely female body underneath the clothes. But I don't.

Sure HRT will have some permanent side effects but I have this side effect GID and it seems permanent so far. I want some help. I think if I didn't see in the mirror silicone breast forms in a bra and saw real boobs I might feel better. Of course I would love the lower plumbing to be correct too but that would require SRS. I have m patter balding to deal with so that requires my wig. I have had about 70% of my facial hair gone already thanks to laser treatments. I'm just trying to see about taking more steps to help me out. Baby steps. Wouldn't this fall under baby steps. Taking it slowly?

I really want the breasts on HRT to look like normal breasts and not man boobs I DON't want that to happen. I want a more feminine face (fat re-distribution) and body. I want to live my life going to work as I have been, try and keep my wife happy and have my female body for myself.

My sexual fantasies have been about me being a normal girl having a normal life and even being flirted with from guys and just the visualization that of a guy hitting on me with all the right body parts there and I let the guy seduce me. Oh how I wish I had had the correct body.

I think HRT could help with my depression over all or this. I feel like my dealing with my transgender issues has hit a road block over the what if scenarios over HRT and I just need to bite the bullet and give it a try.

Krisina

[Sally]

Krisina,

I will give you my opinion but remember that this is only my opinion.

I do not think of HRT as a baby step or something to just try - it is a very real and powerful tool in changing your body to match your mind, it should never be entered into as a test because of the shock to the body of reversing the body chemistry - if you decide to stop you will shock your body again.

It is very possible to start HRT without living full time, I worked in male mode for over 2 years while on HRT - there is no law that says that you must be full time to be on HRT - there is such a requirement for SRS.

If you are certain that you want to transition then starting HRT is just fine, if you are still uncertain as to your path - don't!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Krisina]

I feel stuck because I am not taking hrt. I'm depressed and want my body to be female.

I feel stuck. I want to ease, lessen the dysphoria.

Aren't there even some people who aren't even transitioning who take hormones even, androgynous people too? Just curious.

Krisina

[JJ]

Krisina I am sorry but I tend to agree with Sally.

Having a female body means being seen as female. You want it because you identify as female -and I understand that-but it sounds like you want to have it all-transition your body and keep your present life at the same time. I think many of us have wished that were possible. In addition to the fact that for many people the ability to pass as male tends to fade or vanish completely there are many psychological components and HRT does have a proven effect on the brain. It is a very powerful drug. One of the most powerful in it's range of effects from psychological to physical. Ask any cis woman what effect even the relatively mild fluctuations in E during monthly cycles does to them mentally and they will tell you it can be overwhelming.

Sometimes we have to make a choice and pay the price or take the risk I fear. Not fair and not easy for sure. And painful -so very painful- but reality.

I hope you can find a path that will bring you peace but I fear trying to straddle two paths isn't going to be the answer in the long run. Just my view and certainly something that needs to be addressed with a gender therapist. You can waste years caught in this dilemma from what I have heard and observed. Life is too short and too precious to be wasted that way.

Hugs

Johnny

[Cyndee]

Like others say Krisina it's powerful stuff, not to be experimented with. Take it if you need to transition, and be prepared for an emotional wild ride. I was crying yesterday uncontrollably and it made my wife a little uncomfortable as she did not know if it was happy or sad tears. I was just listening to beautiful music and the tears were flowing, so it was happy tears. I still go out in the world as him (when I have to), but it's become quite noticable at 6 + months for me. I am not sure how long I will last as him, but I love what's happening now, I have a figure (curves rock).

Best wishes my friend.

Cindy -

[VickySGV]

HRT is NOT for the timid!! The desperate and dysphoric feelings can be lowered on it, but it is going to move you forward. A poem by Robert Service called The Lone Trail sums it up pretty well by saying "...bid goodbye to the sweetheart, bid goodbye to the friend, the Lone Trail, the Lone Trail follow to the end,,,". Taking the meds is a lonely thing, but its a loneliness that puts us at peace with ourselves. If you are destined to take that trail, go for it, but it will pull you along and make your life worse than you feared, but it CAN be the best one for you. Your call.

[Guest Krisina]

Johnny, I don't think straddling two paths will work in the long run either and wasting years in a dilemma.

I like stability and am introverted too. There's my wife for support and no close family members. They don't live on my city. All I've got is a small group of friends, my wife and my support group.

My job is driving around seeing tons of the same customers every day. If I went FT at work my work jacket would remain a men's jacket, my work pants would remain men's work pants (maybe I could get tighter fitting womens), my work shirt would remain a men's work shirt. All uniform clothes with the company logos. I would then be showing up as me but now skinnier and covering my bald on top head with a wig.

I wonder how much a change HRT would do to my face from what it is now really appart from softening it up.

Krisina

[Guest KimberlyF]

I feel stuck because I am not taking hrt. I'm depressed and want my body to be female.

I feel stuck. I want to ease, lessen the dysphoria.

Aren't there even some people who aren't even transitioning who take hormones even, androgynous people too? Just curious.

Krisina

Yes there are. And it specifically states in the current SOC that the number and type of treatments and order applied for GID differ from person to person. You should talk to your therapist about this. I know someone who found this to be enough...for now at least.

Your best bet is to be honest with yourself and block out any outside pressures. Usually you'll find your way.

[Guest Krisina]

HRT is NOT for the timid!! The desperate and dysphoric feelings can be lowered on it, but it is going to move you forward.

If you are destined to take that trail, go for it, but it will pull you along and make your life worse than you feared, but it CAN be the best one for you. Your call.

It will make my life worse than I feared and that can be the best life for me...

Krisina

[Guest Svenna]

Krisina,

I am very glad I am on HRT, regardless if I 'pass' or not, regardless if Im ever transition into full-time, regardless...

HRT has given me boobies way before I thought I'd have 'em, but guess what? The world has not stopped turning! I love 'em!!!

What has HRT done for me?

It has smoothed the 'broken glass and jagged metal' feelings I had deep in my brain. It has eased my troubled mind, allowed me to sleep soundly, it has allowed me to rebuild relationships with old lovers and family, even relationships I believed long past repair. That, and so much more..

HRT has reconnected my body to my 'self'. It has begun a process of making me 'whole' from the inside on out...

I agree that one should not enter into HRT lightly. I disagree with those that say to not take them unless you are certain of wanting and needing a full transition. I am a prime example of somebody that has benefitted greatly without negative consequences from anybody..

In my experience, taking HRT has been the best thing I could have chosen to do. Had I been too timid I'd still be stuck on the fence trying to imagine the possible outcomes instead of living this wonderful truth...

Your mileage may vary, and I am not a doctor, therapist or anybody in particular, BUT, there is a reason that many transitioning physicians consider a low-dose regimen of HRT to be a diagnostic tool...a very valuable tool at that!

If you do start a low dose regimen, I'd be willing to bet that you will know with certainty within a few weeks if HRT is the right path for you, whether you transition or not...

Transitioning may be a 'choice', but having a brain that runs better on E than T is a 'condition' that responds only to HRT treatment. I'd suggest availing oneself to whatever makes the biggest improvements for the least cost and risk. For me, HRT was the silver bullet...I feel GREAT!!!

Best to you, Krisina, you deserve to feel the best that you can feel...

Love, Svenna

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Krisina:

You most certainly CAN start HRT on a trial basis. There are gender therapists out there (mine was one of them) who starts people on low-dose estradiol ONLY for several months and let's THEM decide to go further if they want to. On this kind of regimen, physical changes do occur but are minimal to the outside world.

Should you decide to "go full-tilt" onto full-strength estradiol and adding an adrogen blockade, THEN you must be more committed to seeing the process through, because physical changes will occur then. However, if somebody is older (say 40 or more), breast development typically will only go to an A-cup and, for some folks, a B-cup with only rare people advancing beyond that. We're talking people who are not basically obese. Again, yes, SOME people go to a C-cup (and in very rare cases to a D-cup) over age 40. We're talking nonobese people and genetically gifted people.

Finally, nothing says you have to present female at work or anywhere else for that matter. Sure, if you go of full-strength HRT, your face will change some, you'll likely slim down muscle mass, but you can still present male. People will notice the face and muscle mass changes, but it may not matter much to them. Chances are it won't ... if you're still presenting male at work.

I believe it's doable. Just my opinion. I may be wrong. Remember, I actually did what you're suggesting. I did half-strength estradiol for 7 months with basically unnoticeable physical changes from it. However, the MENTAL changes were profound and positive.

Peace Lacey

Postscript:

Funny how things happen. Here's this thread of yours, and just today I saw my HRT prescribing doctor. She gave me a very thorough examination. Turns out my hair difficulty had a genuine physical basis. Even on the usual dosage of spironolactone given to MTF transsexuals, I'm NOT blocked! She DOUBLED my dosage of spironolactone! She rarely goes beyond the estradiol dosage I'm on. However, she may have me do injectable estradiol ... depending on laboratory results pending at this writing.

Oh, talked to her about SRS/GCS: Dr. Toby Meltzer ... 2013 ... highly likely at this point.

Things are falling into place as if by magic. I'm blessed. However, I work for it too ... ride the keyboard on straight production, and you'll see what I mean. Nobody hands anything to me ... except for The Goddess who gave me lucky genetics (in some ways).

Radio Station KGON just fired up "Honky Tonk Women" by The Stones! Don't get no better than this!

GOOD LUCK, KRISINA!

Post Postscript:

Krisinia, you can DO this! You REALLY can!

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

We all need to do whatever we feel is best for us......

But, as far as HRT....just remember that when you start (even on small doses) it can take you in other directions sometimes...

I'm not saying to do it or not........

Let me tell you something here.....

I was at the Veterans Admin. today..I have a serious skin condition and I've tried various meds for it for years to no avail....

So, today I told them that I want the big guns...A drug that I'll take by needle every week...it's VERY powerful with possible serious side effects.....but, I'm doing it.....

We're all adults and have to make some hard decisions in our lives sometimes...

So....you need to hash all of the answers that you've gotten....then add your own thoughts and make a decision.

Huggggggs

Dee Jay

[Guest Krisina]

.

We all need to do whatever we feel is best for us......

But, as far as HRT....just remember that when you start (even on small doses) it can take you in other directions sometimes...

I'm not saying to do it or not........

Let me tell you something here.....

I was at the Veterans Admin. today..I have a serious skin condition and I've tried various meds for it for years to no avail....

So, today I told them that I want the big guns...A drug that I'll take by needle every week...it's VERY powerful with possible serious side effects.....but, I'm doing it.....

We're all adults and have to make some hard decisions in our lives sometimes...

So....you need to hash all of the answers that you've gotten....then add your own thoughts and make a decision.

Huggggggs

Dee Jay

Small doses, even that can take us in different directions sometimes.

Like you said about your skin condition with the big needle and the very powerful meds, out to help fix it.

I'm thinking for me that the hrt will help with the dysphoria. I've been doing other things in my life to help alleviate it. I want the body to match my mind more. I'd like the inner calming affects too.

I just need to be ready to take more risks knowing how it may dramatically change my life. Change can be good. It's fear that sometimes gets in the way.

Krisina

[Sally]

Yes, Krisina, fear does get in the way of a lot of things.

Some good and some bad - it is fear that keeps us from walking off of a cliff, the fear of falling, that is a good fear because it saves our lives but it is also fear that keeps us from telling others just how much they mean to us, the fear of rejection, that is a bad fear for it limits our possibilities of deeper relationships.

There is the fear of the unknown and even though you have heard from so many who have gone this way before each person has their own path, all are different yet all heading in the same direction to become the real you so there is a lot of uncharted territory to traverse and that journey is one that should not be started until you have determined where you want to go.

I knew from the very beginning that living my life full time as the woman I had always been was my goal, surgery or not can be decided later but even with low dose hormones the possibilities of losing all that you have now to gain yourself are always present.

No one can tell you if you are ready or not but you - look deep into your true desires and decide if this is the time - there will always be the chance of loss, no time is totally safe so make this decision with your heart and soul because the mind can be too easily distracted.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Small doses, even that can take us in different directions sometimes.

Like you said about your skin condition with the big needle and the very powerful meds, out to help fix it.

I'm thinking for me that the hrt will help with the dysphoria. I've been doing other things in my life to help alleviate it. I want the body to match my mind more. I'd like the inner calming affects too.

I just need to be ready to take more risks knowing how it may dramatically change my life. Change can be good. It's fear that sometimes gets in the way.

Krisina

Krisina:

Girl, I don't mean to sound bossy or anything, oaky, but, please, kindly buy this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Transitions-Making-Changes-Revised-Anniversary/dp/073820904X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327419994&sr=1-1

Your answer is in it. If you do buy it, you'll be glad you did!

Peace Lacey

Postscript:

It's NOT the hormone replacement therapy you fear, it's the CHANGE the transition process brings. How do I know this? Because, that's MY problem too! Kinda takes one to know one, babes. I say this in peace and to help you.

[Guest Robin Winter]

I'm gonna go against the grain a bit and say go for it... I mean...you should seriously think it through of course, but I'm willing to bet you already have. I'm not full time. Heck, I'm barely part time, but I've been on HRT for ...oh...almost 9 months. For me, it was the best decision I could have made. It DID help with my depression, in a major way. Yea, I had my concerns about how I'd hide the changes, but I thought it worth the risk, and frankly, I'm having no problem at all hiding the physical changes. The emotional changes are a bit harder to hide...but, I personally haven't found that to be a problem. I'm a bit odd anyway, though....

If you want to but you still worry about it, have your doctor keep you on a low dose, you may get the emotional benefits while keeping any physical changes at a pace you can handle. My doctor gave me the option of staying at a lower dose, and I can't imagine that it's uncommon.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Once I was very strict on insisting HRT was ONLY for those seriously considering fully transitioning. I have eased up on that a bit because frankly, I suspect most people who elect to use HRT as a trial, probably NEED to have that experience. I will say this - the effects of HRT are rather all or nothing, as it is one of the most life changing things you will ever do.

You were asking about the effects of HRT on a person's face?

For only a day or two I will post my "before" photo. Actually it was the first week of HRT before the effects gradually began to take hold of my facial features. I will it erase it later as it is rather painful for me to see.

[removed]

And I worked for 2 years in male mode while on HRT (that was 'interesting.')

Lizzie

[Guest Krisina]

Once I was very strict on insisting HRT was ONLY for those seriously considering fully transitioning. I have eased up on that a bit because frankly, I suspect most people who elect to use HRT as a trial, probably NEED to have that experience. I will say this - the effects of HRT are rather all or nothing, as it is one of the most life changing things you will ever do.

You were asking about the effects of HRT on a person's face?

For only a day or two I will post my "before" photo. Actually it was the first week of HRT before the effects gradually began to take hold of my facial features. I will it erase it later as it is rather painful for me to see.

[removed]

And I worked for 2 years in male mode while on HRT (that was 'interesting.')

Lizzie

Lizzie thank you for showing the before and after photos briefly. The changes to your face from when you had just started hrt to now are dramatic, or at least to me they are. Being in your sixties and still having such a profound affect. Your latest profile avatar is really nice to btw.

Your hair looks really great too, you are so lucky!

I daily ask or do it seems, ask my wife about how things would be with me being on hrt and even not ft. Getting that ping back on the sonar of how she is with all of this.

A low dose beginners hrt would have some minor effects. I'm not having sex so I'm not concerned really with stuff going kaput. I'm not concerned about banking stuff to have children. I am concerned for retirement having no money for retirement and wanting to continue living in our home if I made any changes. My wife has said she can't see the living together situation change. She doesn't know.

A feeling of calm and peace, some minor changes.

I know that I have read on another thread one can (or at least sometimes) continue indefinitely in guy mode at work. I think they were referring to full dossage of hrt.

Being bald on top I wonder if I will look like woman a woman's face yet a mans bald on top hairline. I have hair on top actually sling the sides and the back. It's just bald on the top and the upper back portion. I won't contemplate hair plugs bot even something I would consider. It's do expensive and besides a good wig would look better. I suppose one just gets used to wigs, ending hating it as the alternative, even for women with alopecia is worse. Unless of course the person doesn't mind being a bald woman.

Krisina

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Two of our older members here have that baldness pattern problem rather severely - PM me and I will ask them if it is okay for you to contact them.. There are another two who occasionally mention they have better results with a wig. I think it comes down to after you transition, you are essentally like millions of ciswomen with balding problems. You do what they do - full or partial wigs usually. There are also options like hair extensiions and front pieces - even pin-on pony tails and hair buns. Its not ideal, but it's part of life. And you may get some hair restoration from the HRT if the folicules are still intact.

Lizzie

[Guest Krisina]

Two of our older members here have that baldness pattern problem rather severely - PM me and I will ask them if it is okay for you to contact them.. There are another two who occasionally mention they have better results with a wig. I think it comes down to after you transition, you are essentally like millions of ciswomen with balding problems. You do what they do - full or partial wigs usually. There are also options like hair extensiions and front pieces - even pin-on pony tails and hair buns. Its not ideal, but it's part of life. And you may get some hair restoration from the HRT if the folicules are still intact.

Lizzie

Thanks Lizzie. I just read your post above. I might just take you up on that offer and pm you when I have more energy, thanks.

Krisina

[Guest Krisina]

Im going to talk to my therapist about hrt again.

Is hrt a ticket to easing dysphoria?

I don't want to have to transition ft necessarily. I may not have an option on how i feel, as folks have said as i move forward and get pulled along. Not doing anything would just have me paralyzed. But fortunately I am moving forward and am making progress at my own speed. I don't want to figure out and think about all the details of transition and stress myself right now. I think that is sometimes a problem, looking at too many what ifs. One thing at a time. I just want to feel more of a match of my outside to my inside. When I look in the mirror i see a guy looking back. I don't hate the guy but I wish I was born cisgendered and stuff I think about relates back to being female. The body doesn't match when i think things through about how i feel about things. Even if it means a low dose of hrt. Am I a cross dresser? No. Am I in denial about my sexuality? No. Am I having fun with this? No.

I would love to look like a woman without trying with just jeans and a shirt and yet still read as a woman. I'm even thinking if I had to hide the real me from work etc. So less stress dealing with life. Just some thoughts off the top of my head.

Krisina

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Oh my

One of my greatest joys is right now I CAN NO LONGER PASS AS A MALE! Even in jeans and teeshirt, hair pulled back and no makeup? Even just running out the door to the store on a quick and dirty run... everywhere... doesn't matter.. people call me ma'am and treat me like I love being treated - 100% female!.

HRT - it was that and my acceptance of myself, totally, as a woman.

So be careful - addictive stuff!

Lizzie

[Guest Svenna]

Krisina,

I think you are wise to break the problem down like this. Dealing with the short-term reality for now, and postponing deciding on the bigger, long term issues until after trying the HRT regimen makes sense for you, in my opinion. That is what I had to do to get out of an endless loop of unanswerable questions. My mind wanted 'proof' and 'truth' and 'guarantees' and all manner of other demands, but the truth is that until I tried HRT, I didn't really understand what I had been experiencing up to that point.

Once I got on HRT, it was clear what I would eventually need to do, though I still compartmentalize the bigger issues for the time being. I must not allow myself to get too far ahead of my spouse and her understanding of the situation. She too always wants answers and for me to tell her where it will all end. I tell her to be prepared for 'the worst', which for her is a full transition, but to hope for the best, meaning 'minimal changes to our present reality'...

I'm letting 'nature take its course', that is my new approach. I tell her that I only long to be what ever it is that I really am. The fact that I am changing so fast on so little HRT (I'm still well within low-normal MALE ranges for E and T) makes this 'hand's off' approach workable. All I have to do at this point is just keep taking my HRT and I will keep evolving towards a full reversal of a lifetime of T poisoning...

So let this also be a bit of a cautionary tale, too. By starting HRT I triggered an avalanche of changes that I couldn't have anticipated fully, but I had needed a bit of dynamite to break up the emotional log jam that had clogging my life for decades...

Some things have to be taken on faith. This may be one of those times, it was for me..

To answer your question directly: I believe that taking HRT has eliminated most of my dysphoria. Without taking it, I'd still be hurting every day. With it, every day has been a new discovery of positive feelings and experiences. Peace is now accessible. But, YMMV...lol...

Hope I helped more than hurt!

Love and Courage, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

Oh my

One of my greatest joys is right now I CAN NO LONGER PASS AS A MALE! Even in jeans and teeshirt, hair pulled back and no makeup? Even just running out the door to the store on a quick and dirty run... everywhere... doesn't matter.. people call me ma'am and treat me like I love being treated - 100% female!.

HRT - it was that and my acceptance of myself, totally, as a woman.

So be careful - addictive stuff!

Lizzie

Lizzie,

I am SO ready to stop being ID'ed as a male, too. The things that scared me just a few short weeks and months ago now seem like the best things EVER.

HRT turned on the power in my mind, and soon the 'lights' started coming on, one by one, until I started seeing things long only imagined...

I don't regret it a bit. You couldn't keep me away from the stuff now if ya tried...lol...

Love, Svenna

[JenniferB]

Krisina,

I jumped into transitioning very quickly, and still it took 8 months to start hormones after I decided to transition. I know it seems I've taken the quick road, but when you look closely, not really.For initially I didn't have as much to lose.

I've been on hormones for almost 13 months now and I still get read as male. I do notice, but it is not bothering me like I thought it would. I carry a purse everywhere I go and feel totally at ease. Simply stated, I DON'T CARE! People who've known me for years, and see me on a regular basis, don't even see me as male anymore.

I may have had some semblance of a male brain, but no more. It may have taken a year of HRT, but just recently I've realized my brain is rewired or dormant areas are now active. I know I am female now and live life accordingly. I do not see him anymore, even though he is required to still be there (acting, but not very convincingly). I can't believe the doubt I've had, even recently. Once the pressure was off, I was allowed to blossom. It's been crazy, but without the stress, she's grown immensely in a very short time. My mind is now at peace, I LOVE who I am now, and you could NEVER drag me back to being him. The mental problems I thought I had are fading. I haven't felt that paralyzing depression for a couple of months. I am becoming free of that and now starting to socialize (if you know me you will realize that is a miracle in its own right). I can't ever see myself changing course to the past ever again.

I never had as much to give up as you, therefore I was more free to explore myself. You have to seriously do what your logic, intuition, and spirit feels is right and accept the consequences. If you believe in praying, I can't see a better time than now.

Decide. And if transitioning is in your future, set your goals, and be willing to adjust. Then it's only a matter of how to get there.

I know how much your family means to you. So do what you must to keep the balance for your family and of yourself. There is a lot to consider.

As far as my opinion, take it slow. If you want to take hormones, start low dosage and see how it affects you. With that new knowledge and wisdom, reevaluate and adjust the settings accordingly.

That's my 2 cents

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny