Advice needed: Mum asking to get my hormone levels tested?

[Guest Sam89]

So I just recently came out to my parents as FTM, and while my mum is generally supportive, she has now brought up the idea that maybe my (female) hormones are low, and that's what's making me feel this way. She is more of less insisting that I get it tested (I'm of age and living by myself so obviously she can't force me). I'm resistant because in my head it's just not related, but I can't make her see that.

I'm one of those people who hasn't always known they were trans (though it all makes sense now), so I guess she thinks that low hormone levels got me feeling "not right" and then I somehow convinced myself that I'm trans. Which -- I'm not really sure how that even makes sense.

My question, then, is - has anyone ever heard of that happening before? For someone to be absolutely convinced they're trans, only to find out they just needed more of the "correct" hormones? I have never heard of it, and I really don't think this is what's going on here, but I wanted to hear what other people had to say on the matter.

Right now, she is saying that she doesn't understand how I can be thinking about surgery, probably abroad (way to jump the gun - I haven't even started hormones yet), when I won't even go to the doctor for a blood test. But I'm refusing out of principle, because I think it's irrelevant. Am I being stubborn? Should I just take the test to appease her?

[Guest Svenna]

You will need such a test before you can start HRT anyway, so why not?

My spouse believed something along the same line of reasoning that your mother is thinking. I am MTF, and she figured that my T must be low and my E too high, and THAT was why I 'imagined' I was a girl. I took the test and guess what? My T levels were sky-high and my E was almost zero. This BLEW her mind because it was opposite of what she had expected. She suddenly realized that if I could still think I was female with soooo much testosterone in my blood, then MAYBE, just maybe, I really knew what I was talking about...

I have heard of other transwomen trying to male HRT to increase their testosterone to fight the female feelings and it seems to just make them feel much worse. Paradoxically, these same transwomen seem to feel much better once on female HRT. I know it has made me feel a whole lot better about a whole lot of things in a short amount of time. But, your mileage may vary, for sure...

Good luck sorting this stuff out with your family. It will certainly take time and should be considered a work in progress..

Love, Svenna

[Guest Robin Winter]

My doctor had me tested before she would refer me to a GT, so yeah, you likely would have had to anyway.

[Guest Leah1026]

So I just recently came out to my parents as FTM, and while my mum is generally supportive, she has now brought up the idea that maybe my (female) hormones are low, and that's what's making me feel this way. She is more of less insisting that I get it tested (I'm of age and living by myself so obviously she can't force me). I'm resistant because in my head it's just not related, but I can't make her see that.

But I'm refusing out of principle, because I think it's irrelevant. Am I being stubborn? Should I just take the test to appease her?

She may say she is supportive, but this request screams D-e-n-i-a-l. Hormone levels after birth have no effect on a person's gender identity. She's basically grasping at straws. But guess what? When you go to see an endocrinologist they are going to check your levels anyway, so just explain that to her.

[Guest Sam89]

So I just recently came out to my parents as FTM, and while my mum is generally supportive, she has now brought up the idea that maybe my (female) hormones are low, and that's what's making me feel this way. She is more of less insisting that I get it tested (I'm of age and living by myself so obviously she can't force me). I'm resistant because in my head it's just not related, but I can't make her see that.

But I'm refusing out of principle, because I think it's irrelevant. Am I being stubborn? Should I just take the test to appease her?

She may say she is supportive, but this request screams D-e-n-i-a-l. Hormone levels after birth have no effect on a person's gender identity. She's basically grasping at straws. But guess what? When you go to see an endocrinologist they are going to check your levels anyway, so just explain that to her.

That's exactly why I was so annoyed with her. She kept insisting even though I told her it was irrelevant. I think it is a case of denial, but coming mostly from a place of "I don't want my kid to have to go through this of they don't need to", but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. As for the endocrinologist, I'm not sure if it works exactly the same in Denmark (and I think we go to a gynecologist), but I told her I would get it changed then, and she has accepted that for now, thankfully.

[Guest Just "B"]

I'm a bit late on the reply, but I'll add something from my personal experience. When my t-levels were checked prior to starting HRT I was on the low 300 end (329 I believe) on a scale of 300-1100. This was Oct '10.

I was a gym freak in my prior life, and used it as a way to *try* to negate any dysphoric feelings and fit in better in a man's world. I also cycled on steroids for a few months. The steroids made me bigger, but did absolutely ZERO to abate how I felt.

My therapist even asked me if I wanted to take testosterone. I flatly refused. It's good to know where your levels are at though, and only you can decide on taking estrogen to accomodate your mother. Good luck!

[Guest jennifer_m]

I've thought about getting my levels checked, as a way to build a conversation with my GP. They might have some decent referrals too. Sometimes it pays to know people in the field.