Updates And Stuff

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Hi guys! I just figured I'd post a little update. Sorry I haven't been around as much. Life has been keeping me pretty busy.

It looks like I am going to start T during the first week of November, or maybe even shortly before. I got my blood work done this week and can get my scrip once it comes back from the lab. People are saying that it takes a week and a half to two weeks for it to come back. I'm trying not to get overly excited. At this point I feel like I need to keep my excitement at bay because I'll be WAY too disappointed if some kind of delay happens. This is my common coping strategy.

Things are falling in place for my chest surgery on December 9th. I paid off the rest of the balance on Thursday. The first and last mammogram of my life is scheduled for Oct. 31st. Now I am needing to send pictures to Dr. Garramone, make sure my blood work gets forwarded to him, and get medical clearance from a physician. My therapist is working on my letter and should have it to me in November. It's happening!

The fear of surgery still persists. I've been digging through YouTube and scrutinizing people's surgery vids. I've pretty much convinced myself that it will only be REALLY bad for the first week and then mostly just annoying after that. I don't like being helpless or needing help from others, so the experience will be a difficult one on many levels. My friend that is coming with me got us a place to stay for free. Her parents had some leftover time share credits they needed to get rid of. Good stuff.

I still haven't come out to my parents yet. I'm pretty much out at school. I'm out to all of my close friends in Florida and back home. It's really stressing me that I haven't come out to my family. At this point, good or bad, I just want to know how they will take it. I'm dreading the discussions that will follow. I'm dreading the questions and the crying. Yes, I've put this off far too long. It's just that telling them wouldn't have helped anything. Whether or not they accept it, I know my family won't be supportive. Tolerant I can hope for, supportive is never happening. Anyway, I really needed to get to to a strong place before I talked to them. I'm feeling pretty strong right now and getting better each day.

School is kicking my butt. I work a lot, but I never seem to get as much done as I'd like. There are constant interruptions and annoyances. I really need to start working on my paper for my preliminary exams. That really should be a priority because it helps me get closer to graduating. The other stuff I am doing is helpful and useful too, but it doesn't help me graduate. The problem is that advisors nag, but papers you need to write "some time" don't nag enough. Oh well.

Okay, so that was long.

[Guest Evan_J]

Holy hormones batman!! It's happening!!!! lol

Congrats

[Guest Huff]

wow... surgery in less than 2 months... that's awesome.

About the parents - yeah, coming out to them is SCARY. I waited until my chest was all healed up from surgery before I told them I had done it. That way I had no arguments and could recover in peace.

MK

[Guest Evan_J]

A man after my own heart Huff

God I wish I could go that route.....my mother doesn't see me in 72 hours she calls....I couldn't get finished recovering ...she would be on the door lol. .....this is why I moved to another city once, inability to visit lol.....

[Guest J-Walker]

If your parents have an open mind it might be really good to tell them sooner than later. I told mine and their response was "Why didn't you tell us sooner? We could have done something about it before you went through pueberty." I was crushed. XD

Anway, I'll be getting surgery a month before you. Seems like we're on the same time line. (; The whiter you are the worse it seems to be. I think the thing about surgery is that you really have to work at it. The scars will be there but if you work on building your chest, it won't be a problem. At least thats my understanding.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

wow... surgery in less than 2 months... that's awesome.

About the parents - yeah, coming out to them is SCARY. I waited until my chest was all healed up from surgery before I told them I had done it. That way I had no arguments and could recover in peace.

MK

It's weird, when I first scheduled the surgery, I was scared to death of it. I'd get this weird "OMG scared" feeling in my stomach when I'd think about it. After a couple of months of getting used to the idea, I've really started focusing more on the "when it's over" aspect of things. I'm imagining a world without my weird chest dysphoria, without having to wear a bra or binder, a world where I can take off my shirt outside. In fact, this sense of relief is setting in. I know the first week or so after surgery is going to be uncomfortable, but things will only get better after that.

I'm tempted to wait until after surgery to tell my parents. However, I think my mom is a little like Evan's. She will come down here if she doesn't hear from me via phone or email. I'm toying with the idea of emailing them tonight. Of course, I keep saying I'm going to do it...but then I chicken out.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

If your parents have an open mind it might be really good to tell them sooner than later. I told mine and their response was "Why didn't you tell us sooner? We could have done something about it before you went through pueberty." I was crushed. XD

Anway, I'll be getting surgery a month before you. Seems like we're on the same time line. (; The whiter you are the worse it seems to be. I think the thing about surgery is that you really have to work at it. The scars will be there but if you work on building your chest, it won't be a problem. At least thats my understanding.

Yeah, it does seem like we are on pretty much the same timeline. We'll have to compare notes. If being pale means you scar more, then I am in trouble. Few have less melanin than I do. I don't have a lot of other scars to judge by and I know scarring probably differs depending on what part of your body it is on. I have this one scar on my shin that has healed up really well and is almost invisible. I'm hoping my chest scars end up like that. Still, I would rather have scars than breasts.

That's awesome that your parents were so understanding. Judging from how my parents have been about other things, they won't be cool with this. I've been "gender variant" for a long time. My parents are so homophobic/transphobic that they just ignored things I did and hoped it would go away. In a way, I'm almost a little angry at my parents...which is probably another reason I keep putting off talking to them.

I guess things will turn out the way they should. I'll post once I come out to them. Seriously, I can't predict how it will go.

[Guest Jackson]

My mother is like that too. We talk at least two to three times a week. Thankfully I do live two hours away or else.

But she's still going to freak big time once the surgery is done. In fact, she'll probably freak seeing my new hair cut. I'm dreading seeing my parents again. My mother, bless her heart, is very religious and cannot get this wrinkle into her belief system. She's convinced this is only a phase. I've not let myself get angry. Another wrong way of coping with this, but it works.

[Guest jantonio]

Wow congrats on your "T" and surgery Stranded.

About the parents what can I say family is always difficult. I told both my brother and sister, my brother is trying to understand it but my sis is a mess. Unfortunately I can't tell my parents because of their age and health. My mom is not in her best health and my brother and I feel that if I tell her she might suffer a heart attack or something. I do not want that in my concious, so I am only communicating with them via telephone. I just don't forsee me seeing them ever again which sucz but is got to be done.

In your case I am not sure what I would do but if your parents are in good health I would tell them even if it hurts them. You might try writting them a hand written letter and sending them some pictures or something.

I wish you luck my friend.

Jose Antonio...

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Wow congrats on your "T" and surgery Stranded.

About the parents what can I say family is always difficult. I told both my brother and sister, my brother is trying to understand it but my sis is a mess. Unfortunately I can't tell my parents because of their age and health. My mom is not in her best health and my brother and I feel that if I tell her she might suffer a heart attack or something. I do not want that in my concious, so I am only communicating with them via telephone. I just don't forsee me seeing them ever again which sucz but is got to be done.

In your case I am not sure what I would do but if your parents are in good health I would tell them even if it hurts them. You might try writting them a hand written letter and sending them some pictures or something.

I wish you luck my friend.

Jose Antonio...

Thanks for the support, Jose.

That's really sad about your parents, though I totally understand why you wouldn't want to tell them. I probably won't come out to my grandmother for those same reasons. She's 87 and starting to be kind of frail. My other grandmother has Alzheimer's and won't remember anyway.

Yeah, both of my parents are in pretty good health, so they can handle it. I'm still sitting here trying to write that letter. I've told my mom that I have some important stuff to discuss that she probably won't like, but haven't told her the exact nature. She's been emailing me every day asking where the note I promised is. Telling my friends has been cake compared to this. I'm probably not going to tell my siblings anything directly. That info will "trickle down" from the parents. That's how things work in my family.

Well, I guess I'll get back to staring at that letter.

[Guest JayJaye]

It's weird, when I first scheduled the surgery, I was scared to death of it. I'd get this weird "OMG scared" feeling in my stomach when I'd think about it. After a couple of months of getting used to the idea, I've really started focusing more on the "when it's over" aspect of things. I'm imagining a world without my weird chest dysphoria, without having to wear a bra or binder, a world where I can take off my shirt outside. In fact, this sense of relief is setting in. I know the first week or so after surgery is going to be uncomfortable, but things will only get better after that.

Me, too. I bought some Henley shirts a few weeks ago, and I almost put them back, thinking that the close-fitting fabric would accentuate the moobs; then I remembered that the moobs will soon be gone and it won't matter. So I bought them! Can't wait to wear what I want, no binder, and not worry about lumps. By summer our chests will be smokin' !! Though I think we're supposed to cover up the first year so as not to let the sun bug the scars. But whatever!

Jay