Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

My not so well coming out


Guest MsGaby

Recommended Posts

Hey everyone, so like I told you on my introduction, I'm Brazilian, worse yet born in a Japanese family.

My father is like that proud Asian father from 9gag if you visit that site (it's pretty funny to me, but then again I'm young, more mature people usually don't get it), to make things short, he's very old-fashioned, proud and narrow-minded. My mom gets things really slowly and from our conversation today, also is narrow-minded.

I'll cut them some slack though, I can see that she doesn't have the slightest idea of what a transgendered is and neither does my father. I restarted cross-dressing again as it would act of sort like a painkiller to me, I kept it hidden of course, and my plan was that if I couldn't come out this year, I would never be able to. I wanted to leave a letter explaining everything to her if she ever found out my stash, apparently destiny hates me and she found it without I being able to leave it inside. I went to the movies to see Star Wars I in 3D with a friend and when I got home and she said "Shower now, then we will have a long conversation", as I went through my room and saw everything out of its place I knew and froze in my place.

Had a long shower before going out of the bathroom and face what I knew was coming, my mom whom I thought would be more supportive, was just as supportive as jelly-o. Her first question was of course, if I was gay, then if it was a fetish. Oh how many times I wish it was just a fetish. Had to tell her 5 times no, it was deeper and more complicated than that, then the nuke came and she said 'If you're going down the path I think you're going to, don't count me in' BAM I went numb. She asked if I wanted to become a woman, I couldn't open my mouth, I stuttered, terrified while I was screaming inside 'YEEEES, just say it... Oh be damned brain... COME ON! Say something!'

She repeated if that is the path you chose, I won't support you, I'm holding myself to not let your father throw you away right now. Nuked and pierced with a spear right in my chest. I wasn't able to say anything after that. She kept saying are you gay, a travestite who was prostituting himself over the Internet or just a fetish and asked what she did wrong. All I could say was no, no, no, no... And that I needed help, and this wasn't going to go away, it is not your fault and I love you both so much, I never wanted to hurt you... She knows it, just doesn't want to admit it. My dad said just one thing 'How is this not being gay?' and went to sleep. You see, for Brazilian people in general, transgendered are just gay who wants to have boobs therefore you are excluded and have to become a prostitute, because that's the only way to earn money and the way to be accepted. At least she admitted she was going to look for help, I don't think though she is going to find the right psychologist, you see I have no idea of where to find specialists on my particular problem here and the ones I'm aware of are part of the decadent public health system, we are light-years away from the developed world because SRS was allowed like 30ya only.

All I want to do right now is cry and punch God in the face asking 'Why have you done this? Why? Was it too much to ask not giving me 'it'? Wouldn't it be easier nothing giving me 'that'? In fact, would be one less thing and much easier leaving it flat down there'

Link to comment
Guest Nicholas

Oh Gabriela, I am so, so sorry. Sending lots of hugs your way.

Is there any way you could, say, print out PFLAG's "Welcoming Our Trans Family and Friends" booklet, or something else, and give it to them to read? I mean at this point they know, there's no taking back that information, but maybe something could be done to develop and guide the knowledge they have into a more understanding education.

No matter what, we're here for you. Lots of hugs. (((((((Gabriela)))))))

Nick

Link to comment
Guest Madison_Always

Gabriella,

I am terribly sorry your mother found out in the manner that she did, I am even more sorry that she is unsupportive. I know that terrible feeling of freezing when they find out before you are ready. Unfortunately, I have had the misfortune of unexpectedly confronting my parents twice. One time they even read my personal diary which had some very private things that they immediately expected me to talk about with them. Just make sure that you let her know that she is very important in your life, and to let both parents know how much you love them and need their support in this difficult time. Let them know you are not a freak and that your being trans is no ones fault. I really hope and pray your situation gets better and that your parents become more accepting.

Thoughts and prayers,

Madison

Link to comment
Guest diniesaur

Uggghhhhh, that sounds horrible! I agree that you should get the PFLAG stuff--that may help them understand what it really is, instead of just "gay men who want boobs." I hope they come around soon! Pretend I'm giving you a hug in person if hugs help you feel better.

Link to comment

Oh Gabriela, I am so, so sorry. Sending lots of hugs your way.

Is there any way you could, say, print out PFLAG's "Welcoming Our Trans Family and Friends" booklet, or something else, and give it to them to read? I mean at this point they know, there's no taking back that information, but maybe something could be done to develop and guide the knowledge they have into a more understanding education.

No matter what, we're here for you. Lots of hugs. (((((((Gabriela)))))))

Nick

Uggghhhhh, that sounds horrible! I agree that you should get the PFLAG stuff--that may help them understand what it really is, instead of just "gay men who want boobs." I hope they come around soon! Pretend I'm giving you a hug in person if hugs help you feel better.

Oh thank you everyone for the support and suggestions, but my parents can't read in English and there isn't that much information out there here in Brazil, even if transgendered are having a bigger media spotlight in the recent times. There are very few examples and I genuinely believe they are worried about my safety due to big hatred against us, intolerance crimes are rare (or just not given the right importance in the media, now that's a shocker, right?), but the main way of prejudicing here is silence. They hate us, just don't have the guts of saying on your face, we can't get a job easily, if it was only our apparels we would nail the interview and get the spot, when we show our docs they shoosh us, that's why it is important having one while you transition, bureocracy regarding documentation prevents many of us of living fully as what we are.

Gabriella,

I am terribly sorry your mother found out in the manner that she did, I am even more sorry that she is unsupportive. I know that terrible feeling of freezing when they find out before you are ready. Unfortunately, I have had the misfortune of unexpectedly confronting my parents twice. One time they even read my personal diary which had some very private things that they immediately expected me to talk about with them. Just make sure that you let her know that she is very important in your life, and to let both parents know how much you love them and need their support in this difficult time. Let them know you are not a freak and that your being trans is no ones fault. I really hope and pray your situation gets better and that your parents become more accepting.

Thoughts and prayers,

Madison

Madison,

this is not the first time for me either, I got busted about three times only when I was younger about five it did not matter to them, but when I was ten, sixteen and now, they were really upset. And was only until I was better aware of my sexuallity it started being a problem for them. For now, I'll just retreat and recover myself from the impact and back to the offensive, I won't support long if I don't have my stuff to cross-dress, she threw it all away (oh there was about 300 bucks on clothes, and now out in the void -.- all from my pocket and very cute stuff in my opinion :hairpull: ).

I'm working on translating stuff for my mother and reworking my letter, so she can get better informed on that matter, she I'll be confronting again sooner because the cat's out of the bag and I know she'll never abandon her child and maybe if I explain better on how much pain I am right now, she will consider it better, as for my father, I'll wait 'til dust has settled, because I cannot afford losing shelter while I'm in college and he isn't even looking me in the eye since last night, though I don't have to pay for education as it is free, I have no way of making it on my own right now as college will take most of my time for the next three years, I believe he will disown me easilly right now and that's holding him is her, so if I lose her, I lose everything.

I will tell you if all goes well, if it doesn't, I will come back too.

Link to comment
Guest Nicholas

PFLAG's trans booklet is also available in Spanish, in case your parents might be multilingual with that (I realize that Brazil's language is Portuguese, but I'm not sure how prevalent bilingualism is, if there's any, so... Just in case...).

At any rate I wish you the best. I hope they turn around once they realize how important it is to you.

Hugs,

Nick

Link to comment

Oh Nick,

our bilingualism here is pretty poor, not everyone can pay for it to study enough of a language to be fluent like me even if both Spanish and English are mandatory at school but that's recent and thus my parents have no knowledge of other languages enough for me to search stuff, but like I said I will try translanting other stuff myself, will be a little harder but it is better than continue this way. I could try Spanish because of the similarities between them but they have some big differences sometimes.

I made an appointment with a therapist two weeks from now, not a GT but hopefully the first step and better than walking through this alone, not to mention he could well indicate one for me if necessary.

Kisses

Gaby

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 55 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • Lydia_R
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Mmindy
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • KathyLauren
    • VickySGV
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,103
    • Most Online
      8,356

    BUGFIEND
    Newest Member
    BUGFIEND
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Ale975
      Ale975
      (27 years old)
    2. BillieB
      BillieB
      (65 years old)
    3. BrokenDays
      BrokenDays
      (34 years old)
    4. Bryson
      Bryson
      (25 years old)
    5. Jolie
      Jolie
  • Posts

    • Lydia_R
      This internet video thing is pretty amazing.  I'd call it Zoom, but there are other platforms out there.  I prefer Zoom over Teams because Zoom puts me and everyone else in the same picture.  I like seeing the whole group in one shot.  Teams of course is about having so many people that you can't get them in the shot, or is it?   Just saying that I have never met any of my counselors in person.  Doctors, of course I have and I am lucky there.  They are 3.5 miles from my house as is the main transgender surgery place in town.  I've been doing virtual visits with the medical doctors lately though.  It feels like once I became steady state, they don't need to interact with me physically that much.  I have enjoyed going into their office in my nice clothing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I guess a lot depends on where you start and where you wanna end up.  For me, doing the "boy form" thing has come with disadvantages.  Smaller skeleton, thinner bones, and skinny/tiny everything.  I'll never be taken seriously.  I guess the advantage is that my way of blending in is just kind of confusing.  "Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?"    One of the biggest arguments for starting transition early in life is I think it gives a person a greater ability to pass.  My two MtF friends started early, and pass really well.  They never got to the larger bone structure, beard, deep voice stuff.  Me being intersex (which is more complicated) and not getting around to "boy form" until my 30's, my body size and features were pretty much set in stone.      You're lucky.  Some folks pay all that and more, even AFTER insurance.  One of my friends faced the choice last year - pay for her final year of college or pay for her meds.  She's taken a year off from college to work and save up money to finish.    My medical expenses have been more injury-related than therapy or medication   The state covered some of it with a fund for crime victims, insurance covered a lot, but there's ended up being a few thousand dollars spent out-of-pocket since 2022 to put me back together again.  I've never found a decent therapist, but my husband has a psych degree among other things, so I figure talking with him is almost as good.  I do have a good doctor, although I have to drive a long way to a big city to see her.  Mostly she takes a basic look at me, and writes another year's prescription.  Since I'm non-op and only using testosterone cream for a localized effect, its pretty simple stuff. 
    • Lydia_R
      I'm a tracker and I've paid for 100% of my transition costs out of pocket.  Counseling was a huge, huge part of my transition and well worth my money.  Not to be uppity about all of this.  I'm just sharing information I have because I have it and it may be useful for others.  Here is my analysis of my spending on transition over the last 2.5 years:   Medical Doctors and Blood Draws: $2,397 Counseling: $3,800 Medications (brand name): $2,702.85 Medications (generic): $485.39 Total: $9,385.24   I picked up on the internet early in transition that transition is a consumer activity.  I tend to agree with that.   This year (Jan - May 18th, 2024), I've spent: Medical Doctors: $102 Medications: $241.52 Total: $343.52   So I'm on a much more sustainable path with it.  I'm pretty happy with where I am with it, although I do still desire surgery and am nervous about how that will all unfold.  But my doctors have me on this steady state thing.  I could seek out other medications, but what I'm doing is good enough.  Oh, I'm missing something....  I did a bunch of electrolysis that didn't appear to have any effect.  I've always enjoyed shaving and I use pink shaving cream now (I've got some lipstick blond in me).  It's good enough.  Not sure if I'll do electro or laser in the future.  The need to shave my body has become less and less.  Before HRT, I was shaving my body weekly or even every 5 days.  Now it is more like 2-3 weeks.  Everyone's body hair is different.  My beard is very coarse and stiff while my body hair has been somewhat minimal and light.  It's nice to have smooth legs and not have to shave as much.   Counseling was $200/session.  I tried one or two counselors before I found one who resonated with where I really was.  When I was prescribed HRT, I didn't fill the prescription until 4 months later.  I had to take some time to decide that I really wanted to take on that lifetime financial commitment.  And of course the possibly negative health consequences too, but I think I was actually thinking more about the finances of it all.  Maybe 51%.   I did a lot of work to revitalize my career before jumping into medical transition.  I started counseling 3 months before I got the best paying job of my life.  The pressure of wanting to transition was so great that I couldn't wait any longer.  She was coming out.  Even though I had very little money, I splurged on some nice dresses and a full length mirror and then started counseling.  Sometimes you just have to move forward and hope for the best.  Other times it is better to wait and do some hard work.  The grace of it all..
    • Ivy
      And when the pressure is released it sucks in heat.  I had a regulator leaking and it was covered with ice.  It's how a heat pump works as well.   Why do they always pick names like this?  It's like the exact opposite of what it really is. I hate politics so much.  But I still have to follow it.
    • Lydia_R
      Wonderful!  This reminds me of a discussion I had with my brother a decade ago.  I said that things expand when they get hotter.  He said, no, they expand when they get colder.  And I had to think about that for a while.  The weird thing is that H20 is special in that when it reaches freezing, it expands.   The pressure makes the cold and then we see the condensation.
    • KatieSC
      I used to have a really good therapist, however, she does not accept health insurance reimbursement fees as they are too low. I had to pay 130 per session. When she decided to jack the rates to 185 per hour, I cut bait. Without a doubt, counseling is very helpful. What concerns me greatly is that we are a vulnerable population. Unfortunately, we can easily be targeted for some pretty high fees. How many of us have been in the situation where our healthcare provider, surgeons, or counselors, have required cash payments? We get jammed as well by the health insurance companies as they often will not pay for items that could be essential to our well-being. It is my contention that our chances of being targeted for violence, death, or harassment, go up when we cannot easily blend in with the female population.    For those of us that are MTF, some of us are blessed with more feminine features, and many of us are not. We get the whammy of a larger skeleton, bigger hands, bigger feet, a beard, a deep voice, and masculine face. It takes a lot for some of us to be able to blend in. My belief is that the better we blend in, the better chance we have of not being targeted. In this, electrolysis, facial feminizing/gender affirming facial surgery, voice/speech therapy with voice feminization/gender affirming voice surgery, and body contouring are all potentially lifesaving. Unfortunately, many of the insurance companies deem the procedures as cosmetic, and yet there is no cosmetic that fixes all of these issues.    If you pay your money, you can get anything you want in this world. The sad reality is that for us, many of these procedures would enhance our lives tremendously, yet we face ongoing battles with our very existence. Yeah, an empathetic therapist helps, but is it just the concept of reasonable empathy at a reasonable cost? When my therapist jacked her rates to 185 per hour, I said enough is enough. Your mileage may vary.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I don't think the temperature matters as much.  Think about how gases like CO2 are stored in cylinders, and they are basically the same in summer or winter.  Any gas becomes liquid under enough pressure.  What does matter is the strength of the pressure vessel.  If exposed to excess external heat, pressure increases and can burst a tank or a pipe.  Household propane tanks are often painted white or silver and have safety release valves, because sunlight can heat a tank enough to cause a significant increase in internal pressure, even though the contents remain liquid. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been a long week, and I think this weekend is going to be pretty busy.  The high school is having their graduation later today.  Although we don't have any grads in our family this year, my husband is going because he's involved with the school.  And tonight there's the torchlight ceremony for the county cadets who are finishing their program, and the reading of assignments for the new seniors.  One of my stepkids will be a senior this year.  She's talented, and will be assigned a squad leader position.  My husband is really proud of her, and she's well-liked by her peers even though she's very quiet and serious.    I might get to go on a trip to Texas this week.  The storms that hit Houston caused a lot of electrical damage, so no doubt the utilities in that area will be ordering stuff from my husband's company.  When the big hurricane hit Florida in 2022, we made several trips there with badly-needed equipment, and the entire transportation department was involved in the first convoy.  When he travels, I usually want to go along, since 1-on-1 time is kind of rare for us. 
    • Mmindy
    • Lydia_R
      Maybe surface tension?   I was in a political debate yesterday and it got way too focused on social stuff and I just had to steer the conversation back to how natural gas transitions to a liquid under pressure.  One of the people I was debating had a career working in that field and it was a good opportunity to expose stuff like that.  He mentioned that it isn't just pressure, it is temperature too.  So then I mentioned how the lines are running underground and asked how that played a role in it.  He came back saying that natural gas is a liquid under pressure.  I guess I didn't get a straight answer on that, but it did move my thinking one step down the road.  Perhaps I should have been more direct with him and asked him at what temperature and pressure.  Is there a chart?   I feel people would be better off if they paid more attention to the objects in their environment instead of focusing on some of the things that we hear so much of in the news.  People are pretty clueless as to how much trigonometry plays a role in so many things in our society.  Even land surveyors don't really use it anymore because programmers locked it away in a function.  Much like how cascading style sheets (CSS) is a wrapper for math.  I wonder what former president Trump thinks about all of that?  He must have some knowledge of how his buildings are constructed, right?  There certainly is a part of me that thinks he is just putting on a show about all of this.  Perhaps I'm wrong though.  All kinds of people in the world.
    • Jani
      Me as well.  I can use my left hand for many tasks though.
    • Jani
      Hello Jennifer and welcome back.  I find New England to be a great place to live.  I have a number of acquaintances and friends in Maine and I love the state.  It seems you are doing well.     Hugs,  Jani
    • MirandaB
      Oh, my "maybe this person is an egg" story is the (male presenting) piercing person and I discussed body hair removal methods, he says he doesn't want any hair except on his head, which is what I said during a couple hair removal sessions before and just after the egg cracked.     
    • Karen Carey
      I, too, am lucky.  Here in the UK I have a great therapist, a fully supportive GP, and a psychiatrist and endo who look after me and my needs.  I found the therapist on Psychology Today.
    • Lydia_R
      Over the last few years of being on this site and going through medical transition, I've come to own the M->F identification.  Funny, I made a typo of M->T.  It is a curiosity if I'll ever put Gender: Female on this site.  It is my intention to be there someday.   Right now, because of career stuff and a high stress event with an electric hair clipper last fall, I'm feeling much more masculine than I would like.  I think that once I make some decent headway with my third career, I'll settle into a more feminine feeling.   I never really considered gender very much.  I certainly always used a feminine appearance as my presentation goal. I think that when I was young, I briefly had the idea of transitioning, but I convinced myself quickly that medical transition would be a bad outcome, so I put all those feelings and ideas in the closet for decades.  I'm still very apprehensive about medical transition.  I've always taken health to be a high priority for me.  I wrote a book last December about my fears of it all and my conclusion ultimately is that sometimes there is more to life than being a pillar of health.  It's important to take some chances if that is where your heart takes you.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...