My not so well coming out

[Guest MsGaby]

Hey everyone, so like I told you on my introduction, I'm Brazilian, worse yet born in a Japanese family.

My father is like that proud Asian father from 9gag if you visit that site (it's pretty funny to me, but then again I'm young, more mature people usually don't get it), to make things short, he's very old-fashioned, proud and narrow-minded. My mom gets things really slowly and from our conversation today, also is narrow-minded.

I'll cut them some slack though, I can see that she doesn't have the slightest idea of what a transgendered is and neither does my father. I restarted cross-dressing again as it would act of sort like a painkiller to me, I kept it hidden of course, and my plan was that if I couldn't come out this year, I would never be able to. I wanted to leave a letter explaining everything to her if she ever found out my stash, apparently destiny hates me and she found it without I being able to leave it inside. I went to the movies to see Star Wars I in 3D with a friend and when I got home and she said "Shower now, then we will have a long conversation", as I went through my room and saw everything out of its place I knew and froze in my place.

Had a long shower before going out of the bathroom and face what I knew was coming, my mom whom I thought would be more supportive, was just as supportive as jelly-o. Her first question was of course, if I was gay, then if it was a fetish. Oh how many times I wish it was just a fetish. Had to tell her 5 times no, it was deeper and more complicated than that, then the nuke came and she said 'If you're going down the path I think you're going to, don't count me in' BAM I went numb. She asked if I wanted to become a woman, I couldn't open my mouth, I stuttered, terrified while I was screaming inside 'YEEEES, just say it... Oh be damned brain... COME ON! Say something!'

She repeated if that is the path you chose, I won't support you, I'm holding myself to not let your father throw you away right now. Nuked and pierced with a spear right in my chest. I wasn't able to say anything after that. She kept saying are you gay, a travestite who was prostituting himself over the Internet or just a fetish and asked what she did wrong. All I could say was no, no, no, no... And that I needed help, and this wasn't going to go away, it is not your fault and I love you both so much, I never wanted to hurt you... She knows it, just doesn't want to admit it. My dad said just one thing 'How is this not being gay?' and went to sleep. You see, for Brazilian people in general, transgendered are just gay who wants to have boobs therefore you are excluded and have to become a prostitute, because that's the only way to earn money and the way to be accepted. At least she admitted she was going to look for help, I don't think though she is going to find the right psychologist, you see I have no idea of where to find specialists on my particular problem here and the ones I'm aware of are part of the decadent public health system, we are light-years away from the developed world because SRS was allowed like 30ya only.

All I want to do right now is cry and punch God in the face asking 'Why have you done this? Why? Was it too much to ask not giving me 'it'? Wouldn't it be easier nothing giving me 'that'? In fact, would be one less thing and much easier leaving it flat down there'

[Guest Nicholas]

Oh Gabriela, I am so, so sorry. Sending lots of hugs your way.

Is there any way you could, say, print out PFLAG's "Welcoming Our Trans Family and Friends" booklet, or something else, and give it to them to read? I mean at this point they know, there's no taking back that information, but maybe something could be done to develop and guide the knowledge they have into a more understanding education.

No matter what, we're here for you. Lots of hugs. (((((((Gabriela)))))))

Nick

[Guest Madison_Always]

Gabriella,

I am terribly sorry your mother found out in the manner that she did, I am even more sorry that she is unsupportive. I know that terrible feeling of freezing when they find out before you are ready. Unfortunately, I have had the misfortune of unexpectedly confronting my parents twice. One time they even read my personal diary which had some very private things that they immediately expected me to talk about with them. Just make sure that you let her know that she is very important in your life, and to let both parents know how much you love them and need their support in this difficult time. Let them know you are not a freak and that your being trans is no ones fault. I really hope and pray your situation gets better and that your parents become more accepting.

Thoughts and prayers,

Madison

[Guest diniesaur]

Uggghhhhh, that sounds horrible! I agree that you should get the PFLAG stuff--that may help them understand what it really is, instead of just "gay men who want boobs." I hope they come around soon! Pretend I'm giving you a hug in person if hugs help you feel better.

[Guest MsGaby]

Oh Gabriela, I am so, so sorry. Sending lots of hugs your way.

Is there any way you could, say, print out PFLAG's "Welcoming Our Trans Family and Friends" booklet, or something else, and give it to them to read? I mean at this point they know, there's no taking back that information, but maybe something could be done to develop and guide the knowledge they have into a more understanding education.

No matter what, we're here for you. Lots of hugs. (((((((Gabriela)))))))

Nick

Uggghhhhh, that sounds horrible! I agree that you should get the PFLAG stuff--that may help them understand what it really is, instead of just "gay men who want boobs." I hope they come around soon! Pretend I'm giving you a hug in person if hugs help you feel better.

Oh thank you everyone for the support and suggestions, but my parents can't read in English and there isn't that much information out there here in Brazil, even if transgendered are having a bigger media spotlight in the recent times. There are very few examples and I genuinely believe they are worried about my safety due to big hatred against us, intolerance crimes are rare (or just not given the right importance in the media, now that's a shocker, right?), but the main way of prejudicing here is silence. They hate us, just don't have the guts of saying on your face, we can't get a job easily, if it was only our apparels we would nail the interview and get the spot, when we show our docs they shoosh us, that's why it is important having one while you transition, bureocracy regarding documentation prevents many of us of living fully as what we are.

Gabriella,

I am terribly sorry your mother found out in the manner that she did, I am even more sorry that she is unsupportive. I know that terrible feeling of freezing when they find out before you are ready. Unfortunately, I have had the misfortune of unexpectedly confronting my parents twice. One time they even read my personal diary which had some very private things that they immediately expected me to talk about with them. Just make sure that you let her know that she is very important in your life, and to let both parents know how much you love them and need their support in this difficult time. Let them know you are not a freak and that your being trans is no ones fault. I really hope and pray your situation gets better and that your parents become more accepting.

Thoughts and prayers,

Madison

Madison,

this is not the first time for me either, I got busted about three times only when I was younger about five it did not matter to them, but when I was ten, sixteen and now, they were really upset. And was only until I was better aware of my sexuallity it started being a problem for them. For now, I'll just retreat and recover myself from the impact and back to the offensive, I won't support long if I don't have my stuff to cross-dress, she threw it all away (oh there was about 300 bucks on clothes, and now out in the void -.- all from my pocket and very cute stuff in my opinion ).

I'm working on translating stuff for my mother and reworking my letter, so she can get better informed on that matter, she I'll be confronting again sooner because the cat's out of the bag and I know she'll never abandon her child and maybe if I explain better on how much pain I am right now, she will consider it better, as for my father, I'll wait 'til dust has settled, because I cannot afford losing shelter while I'm in college and he isn't even looking me in the eye since last night, though I don't have to pay for education as it is free, I have no way of making it on my own right now as college will take most of my time for the next three years, I believe he will disown me easilly right now and that's holding him is her, so if I lose her, I lose everything.

I will tell you if all goes well, if it doesn't, I will come back too.

[Guest Nicholas]

PFLAG's trans booklet is also available in Spanish, in case your parents might be multilingual with that (I realize that Brazil's language is Portuguese, but I'm not sure how prevalent bilingualism is, if there's any, so... Just in case...).

At any rate I wish you the best. I hope they turn around once they realize how important it is to you.

Hugs,

Nick

[Guest MsGaby]

Oh Nick,

our bilingualism here is pretty poor, not everyone can pay for it to study enough of a language to be fluent like me even if both Spanish and English are mandatory at school but that's recent and thus my parents have no knowledge of other languages enough for me to search stuff, but like I said I will try translanting other stuff myself, will be a little harder but it is better than continue this way. I could try Spanish because of the similarities between them but they have some big differences sometimes.

I made an appointment with a therapist two weeks from now, not a GT but hopefully the first step and better than walking through this alone, not to mention he could well indicate one for me if necessary.

Kisses

Gaby