Obligatory Self-Introduction

[Ravin]

I'll save my biography for later, but suffice to say I have a good deal in my lap (and in my head) that has led me to seek out an online support forum. I've been dealing with this notion that I may be trans (FTM? FTN? Genderfluid? Just around the bend with post-partum issues? Not sure) for about eight months now. I have 2 children, one girl (girly, where did all the pink come from, that is DEFINITELY not just genetic, girl), and one baby boy (we assume, he hasn't got an opinion yet, being less than a year old). They define a good deal of my life, but I had the epiphany after my son was born that I'm not just a mother--maybe not a mother at all beyond the biological sense. I pride myself on being a good parent, but there's more to me than that...and a good bit of the "more" was screaming to come busting out of the crunchy-femme facade I'd been living behind for eight or nine years.

So I chucked my skirts and scarves and denim jumpers (don't ask), cut off my waist-length hair, and made a new beginning in my personal identity--to make what I present to the world more like my inner core.

I love to write, and much of my writing the last few years has dealt with gender. I've written genderfluid, genderbending, genderless, gender-switching, and just generally gender-interesting characters into my sci fi and fantasy stories. I had an obsession with mpreg fanfic for a while. And when I stopped to think about all this literary ruminating, I realized I was following that old adage of "write what you know."

I know what it is to be one thing inside and another outside. I know what it is to be an outsider, an outcast, and out. I know self-acceptance is a journey that can take one to some very strange places.

So, I've not been writing much lately. Just living instead. I can't afford private therapy and there's no such thing as a publically funded gender therapist in these parts (I looked in to it--if as an adult you're not either stark raving mad, suicidal, or an addict, the public mental health people aren't geared to deal with you in this state.). I'm a student, with another student and a hardworking high school drop-out as partners. Any thoughts of transition, should that be my path, have to wait for money (not to mention for my son to wean).

[MaryEllen]

Hello Ravin,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing with us.

MaryEllen

[Guest Mia J]

Hi Ravin and welcome to Laura's forums. We are glad you are here.

Wow that was quite an introduction. You should be able to find others here who can relate to your experiences. We have some great men on the forums with a lot of insight.

If you have not already done so, we do ask that all members read the terms and conditions to understand how we operate here on the forums. You can find the link at the bottom right of any page.

Looking forward of seeing more of your posts.

Mia

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Ravin,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Ravin. I enjoyed your intro a lot. You write very well.

I also like the fact that you have your priorities straight, and aren't in a huge rush ("I'll die if I don't transition tomorrow" yadda yadda). Things often happen in their own time, I've found.

Please post in any of the forums and read and learn, and make friends here. I look forward to reading your posts.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie