Periods Are The Worst Thing That God Could Ever Do To A Living Creature!

[Guest Mel7]

So, I'm sitting here, in my room, thinking and thinking. And just my luck, I started my $%^#@#@@$@#$# period today. You know, the only times I ever write these posts and because they are mostly about the same thing, is because of it. Honestly, they are the worst things ever. I am a boy! Not a girl! Or...well at least I feel I am. I have been born into the wrong body and because of that, I am so Gosh darned unhappy with my body and being around other guys. I will never be comfortable with anyone if I do not start to look like one.

But I want to look like a boy, not a weird, butch, large woman that could go either way and looks bad. And all day, I finally saw my dad after a month, and he said the f-word (bad term for gays) all day as a way of insulting people he knows. I'm just so frustrated!!!

Sometimes I just want to end it all, but I don't have the guts to, anyway.

I just feel so alone and I keep my feelings bottled up so badly that when it comes time for my period, it all comes out in one emotional, girly moment. Ugh!!!

As a girl right now, I am bisexual. As a boy, I am gay.

Plus, for a boyfriend, I set my standards too high. I have never been kissed or had a boyfriend all my life. I'm 16 : [. When I think of the perfect guy, it's a boy that wants to date me as a boy, and call me his boyfriend and a "he" but I still look like a girl. That's just setting it too high. And one girl that I had considered dating told me that she would be too afraid of hurting me. I mean, I am afraid that every guy that I want would feel the same way- that they can't get close because they would hurt me because of my inexperience with relationships and my shyness. It makes me want to cry. And I don't allow myself to cry, either, because it makes me feel stupid.

They say it happens when you least expect it, but I always expect it. >_< And what about the people that do think about it and they get their bf or gf? It's not fair.

I'm just so....lonely and frustrated. : [

Thanks for reading.

[Guest James_]

Mel, you may be lonely, but you're never alone. There will always be someone out there like me, in places like this, who cares. Even though I'm much older than you, we have things in common. I too am trapped in a female body (for now), identified myself as bi as a female, but feel I'm a (mostly) gay man. And I've considered suicide too, but I'm so glad to be alive now. It IS possible to get your outer self to match your inner one, so don't give up hope. If that's who you really are, set your goal buttons to stubborn and go for it. If you can't do anything now, due to age and parents, then start by working on a real plan for the future and research your options (here seems a great place for it!). I think you'll feel better if you do.

I just finished my period, and had a major emotional meltdown. Please don't feel weak or guilty for it, it's the estrogen, not you. Anyone strong enough not to cry when they're on it and feeling like you do is VERY strong.

Irony : As I as typing this, a commercial came on "Have a happy period" Argh! I want to reach through the screen slap her. (grinning)

From your pic, I think you can definately look like a cute guy, and at 16, inexperiance isn't a cardinal sin for dating, I promise. And as for guys... we don't, as a rule take points off for virginity. Shyness can be overcome, and it's likely that if you do transition, you'll gain confidance.

As to your Dad... I'm assuming he doesn't know your feelings? Don't assume that because he uses those words he hates gays. Painful as it is to hear for people like us, the truth is that many straight people do use them thoughtlessly, but when they find out a family member or friend is gay, they stand by them. It's just so common in our culture. My Mom used to use those words, untill she met my gay friends in high school. (They totally charmed her!) I JUST told her that I was transitioning, and she's still as loving and supportive as ever. I'm not saying you should come out to him, that's something for you to decide if you feel safe doing. I'm just saying don't assume he'd hate you for being who you are.

Thanks for reaching out!

[Guest Huff]

But I want to look like a boy, not a weird, butch, large woman that could go either way and looks bad

Amen. That's why I chose to transition quickly... although I can't say anyone has ever seen me as 'large'.

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/st...fault/smile.gif

And, yeah, that whole feeling like dog poop and bleeding to death once a month is very unfun. Once I knew for sure that I was going to transition, I felt a little better about them because I knew that an end to the female hormone madness was near. Poor bio-women have to deal with the cursed thing for way longer.

Hang in there, buddy.

MK

[Guest Jackson]

I cannot tell you how happy I am because I am finally at the point that I'm not going to have to go through that monthly madness ever again. Yesterday was the day I should have gotten it and the T suppressed it. I never thought I'd get to this point.

When someone asked me if I'd have to take T for the rest of my life, I told them I'd much rather give myself an injection once a week for the rest of my life than have a period once a month till menopause.

[Guest Sergei]

You'll get past this point in your life and come out the other side where you will feel more positive. Trust me. I felt the same when I was 16. Once you get on T the periods will dissapear quickly. Mine went after the first 6 weeks. As for relationships, try not to worry about them. Everything just takes a little bit longer for us transpeople because of the discomfort with our bodies. I never did anything with anybody until I was 21. Just stay positive, and remember that time will really help you. x

[Guest JayJaye]

The day I had my hysto was one of the best days of my life. Pain be damned. Knowing I'd never have that dreaded curse ever again has lifted my mood immensely! Hang in there.

Jay

[Guest Mel7]

I want to thank you guys so much for you input and advice!!!!

I really appreciate it. You have no idea how happy I am to hear your input.

^______________________^

[Guest Konnor]

You know Mel, I met you through one of these depressing posts of yours, so they aren't all bad. I don't have much else to add, everyone else is right on target. Periods aren't fun, but some day you won't have them anymore and it'll be all good. Pfft I can't really advise you much on the dating stuff, I'm not an expert either. Just know that anyone worth being with won't care about your inexperience. Most people don't find the love of their life at 16, so just hang on and know that eventually you'll find someone. For now, stay close to your mates, do the things you like to do, and don't worry about falling in love. It really will come when you're least expecting it...just when I decided to stop worrying about it and focus on hobbies that made me happy, I found my darlin boy. So it's not just a saying...it really is true. I hope thing start looking up for you, and you know where to find me if you want to chat.

--Konnor

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I definitely agree with you on the partner thing. I'm quite lonely myself and am sad that my friends have usually found their own partners. It's like a void I can't seem to fill.

As for mensing I'm glad that I have PCOS and don't mense. But they want to force me to again. >___<

[Guest leo]

dont get me started on periods! they make me feel sick and there is no word to describe how much i hate them

[Guest MrAwesome]

I know exactly how you feel. No one cept for people on here know I even have one, and I'm too ashamed to get supplies for it. I end up having to be Isolated at my house for 4 days every month, or MORE! till it's light enough to use Bounty paper towels! >_< It sucks! But at least I know pretty soon I can start T-shots, and hormone blockers. It's what keeps me holding on, that hope that one day I can live as a normal man. I sooo wish I could help you. I may be able to give you advice on passing. If you want to contact me I'm normally in the chat, RayrayAKAMrAwesome. I've been passing off as a boy since I was in 1st grade

[Guest Elizabeth K]

To show you how incredably desparate MTF are - I bet any one of us would trade bodies with you if possible - and PREFER yours was still capable of periods - and you can have our apelike hairyness, debilitating acne, distressing baldnes, overblown beer bellies, and chronic heart disease in return - no questions asked. Funny world 'tainn't it.

[Guest Crossroads]

To show you how incredably desparate MTF are - I bet any one of us would trade bodies with you if possible - and PREFER yours was still capable of periods - and you can have our apelike hairyness, debilitating acne, distressing baldnes, overblown beer bellies, and chronic heart disease in return - no questions asked. Funny world 'tainn't it.

Liz, you can have my dibilitating 8-10 day period in return, as well as the hell weeks before and after where I can't think straight and lose all hope, happiness, and inspiration, the high social stress because of the way you look, the getting kicked out of social groups because of the way you look, act, talk, walk, or that one time last week when you looked at "her" guy, the higher risk of breast cancer....you can have it all...and definitely the uterus! I think it's still in working order!

[Guest Emily1]

Can I have your period?

plzplzplzplzplzplzplz?

-Emily

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I know- I know - this just drips with irony. God's little joke...

Laugh to keep from crying.

You guys are so brave - you younger people especially... I just love each and everyone of you.

[Guest MrAwesome]

To show you how incredably desparate MTF are - I bet any one of us would trade bodies with you if possible - and PREFER yours was still capable of periods - and you can have our apelike hairyness, debilitating acne, distressing baldnes, overblown beer bellies, and chronic heart disease in return - no questions asked. Funny world 'tainn't it.

I shave my head for fun! XD it sucks I had to shave 4x + a week! I had to change to a military style. I'd gladly take the boldness. and I'd love the apelike hairiness. I hate not being very hairy =(. I already have debilitating acne xD my mom LOVES squeezing it... and I already have a huge belly I'd rather have heart disease risks as apposed to being Female >_<! (physically)

[Guest Martin]

I'm so, so very glad that I'm on T now and the periods are gone.

[Guest Emily1]

I shave my head for fun! XD it sucks I had to shave 4x + a week! I had to change to a military style. I'd gladly take the boldness. and I'd love the apelike hairiness. I hate not being very hairy =(. I already have debilitating acne xD my mom LOVES squeezing it... and I already have a huge belly I'd rather have heart disease risks as apposed to being Female >_<! (physically)

Why is it that hairy arms/legs/chest/etc is considered masculine, but hairy heads are considered feminine?

[Guest Jackson]

I know- I know - this just drips with irony. God's little joke...

Laugh to keep from crying.

You guys are so brave - you younger people especially... I just love each and everyone of you.

My therapist never lets me use the "laugh to keep from crying" excuse. It's helped me survive a long time that I might not have otherwise.

[Guest Evan_J]

Why is it that hairy arms/legs/chest/etc is considered masculine, but hairy heads are considered feminine?

I have no idea, but mine is shaved into a bald fade and has been for 10 years. Note the word "bald" in there lol

[Guest MrAwesome]

Why is it that hairy arms/legs/chest/etc is considered masculine, but hairy heads are considered feminine?

because, men grow more body hair cause of testosterone. And I can think of several reasons short hair is masculine, #1 short hair is better for war. if your hair gets in your eyes while you're being attacked you're dead. and it just seams Women's hair grows faster. might just be me though, and men bold faster... though I'm guessing the war thing. and I saw on chuck childs play 3, it says that the Romans invented the military hair cut so that their enemys couldn't grab their hair pull it back... and obviously that's bad to be in that situation... and I never read the bible, but I think I've heard that it says something about men shouldn't have long hair. I really don't know... does that answer your question?

[Sally]

Why is it that hairy arms/legs/chest/etc is considered masculine, but hairy heads are considered feminine?

Testosterone makes body hair grow, so the more body hair the more masculine! As to the hairy heads it is a reaction to the fact that men go bald a lot more than women do, it wasn't always so and I don't remember anything in the Bible about short hair for men other than the reference to a rather devastating haircut by a barber named Delilah. The Roman's not only designed haircuts for war but footwear as well. The sandals that the Roman soldiers wore had the first heel on them - until then all shoes were completely flat, by raising the heel by about a half an inch the weight is transfered towards the ball of the foot and ready for a fast paced march or an actual run.

I wasn't actually there,

Seriously Senior Sally

[Guest Linus Thomas]

I'm so, so very glad that I'm on T now and the periods are gone.

I second that. I used to use birth control (back-to-back) in my long distance touring bicycling days to avoid them but with T it completely eliminates them. At some point I'll get the hysto (given my age I see no reason to keep it) but for now, I hug my itty bitty bottle of "man juice".