Being TS in the sixties and seventies

[Guest Carol Uren]

I was born in 1945 and by the age of 5 I knew I was different, knew that I should have been a girl - but this was unknown back in those days - until in 1952 the news of Christine Jorgensen's reassignment raced around the world. Unfortunately my father's reaction to it made me realise that this sort of thing was something I had to keep hidden or I would lose the love of my parents. In 1962 at the age of 17, I left home intent on making my transition, but the world was a very different place back then - no computers (at least not unless you had a large building to put them in), no internet, no Google and no online support groups) and I simply did not have the courage to do it, so returned home broken in spirit and in my heart.

The 10 intervening years between then and when I did seek help was when I threw myself into my studies and after night school I managed to get into university where I gained my first degree and then went on to do my PhD - but evrything was starting to fail as I realised that there was no further escape from the building torment and anguish within.

After a failed suicide attempt, I realised that I could no longer carry on living as I had been and that I had to confront what I was and so began the journey to seek help. First I telephoned the Gay Switchboard which had recently been opened in Manchester and was fortunate to talk to a young lady who listened sympathetically as I poured my heart out to her - the very first person I had told. She was wonderfully kind and offered to get me some help from a counsellor who was more specialised in these matters than she was and it was arranged for me to meet him. With his help I approached the medical profession for help, the first year was agony as the pschiatrist I saw wanted to put me on androgenic hormones to 'make a man out of me', but I resisted all his efforts and then demanded (in the politest possible way) that he refer me to the firly recently opened GI Unit in Withington Hospital in Manchester, where I was diagnosed as TS and put on female hormones to start the slow feminisation process. By this time (1975) I was back at work and I was required to have a medical for the company's pension scheme, but it was apparent by then that my body was changing and so I explained what was happening to the doctor who was examining me. Two days later I was summonsed to the Directors office and was told that they would not countenance any such behaviour and was given the ultimatum of either had in my resignation or be fired. I chose the former and one month later I left the company and transitioned into the person I had always believed myself to be.

I did lose everything, my home (could no longer afford the mortgage), my good job, lots of friends - but above that I was happy as I started to build my new life. I transferred to Charing Cross in London and eventually had my SRS in 1979. My only regret was that I did not have the knowledge or courage to do it 13 years earlier when I was 17.

Since then I have enjoyed running two successful businesses and have had a very happy and fulfilled life as a whole person, with none of the inner turmoil which used to afflict me.

[VickySGV]

Carol, I know a delightful woman who tells much the same story from this side of the Atlantic Ocean, I am only three years younger than you are and went through the same pre everything, just that a few details took a bit longer and I did not begin my needed change until after I retired last year. Both you and my other friend had successful businesses and lived your lives as good people. Congratulations, we need to know it can be done. In the 70's I got sidetracked trying so hard to live another person's life, but I do have my compensations for it to some degree. I do wonder what would have happened if I had not quit going to a therapist our of fear of losing my college support when my therapy was inappropriately divulged to my father, who had the same first name as I did. I could not get near another therapist for many years, and then I did not know what to say!! Its wonderful to hear about you.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Exactly. (Born 1947). But I would not begin transitioning until 2008.

Lizzie

[Guest Talon]

You girls are so cool! You've had to deal with even more animosity and closed doors than transpeople today. And you did it/are doing it anyway! I don my hat to you all! I'm so proud of you holding on to yourself and insisting on being who you really are! You have my most sincere respect and admiration! Superwomen!

[Guest Carol Uren]

Thank you for your responses, although it was much harder back then in many aspects than it is today, in some ways it was also easier in that it was a comparatively rare thing and therefore it was much easier to be accepted as a female as it never occurred to most people that people like us existed. Nowadays the media is filled with such stories and the heightened awareness that this brings can be a double edged sword.

[JJ]

Carol I both admire and envy you so much!

We are not far apart in age-I was born in 1947, but I never knew I could transition. The only women I knew of who lived as men were writers and poets or fought in wars. Famous for the most part and roles I knew I couldn't play. My earliest trans memory dates to age 3 and I was classic praying every night to be a boy etc. Once past puberty I felt there was no hope for me-I was stuck playing a role that could never really fit.

I knew I was not lesbian so I never contacted the gay community. I just slipped into a male mode whenever I could-fishing and hiking and such and played the role I was assigned as best I could.

A psychologist told me after a series of tests in college that I had a male mind and that while I was psychologically healthy -he was wrong there but I didn't tell him about the suicide attempts-I was extremely unusual. He had never come across anyone like me. My scores all fell into a male pattern yet I was not a lesbian -we explored the idea but I just wasn't. We had no frame of reference for a straight man in a female body. I think back now to all that he said and once I understood trans decades later he was spot on though had no idea what it meant any more than I did.

My family would have been supportive though unhappy had they known. They didn't. No one did. Not my child, my best friend-not anyone. Though I did openly and frequently say I had a man's mind in a woman's body as the psychologist had said. My family kept the secret from me that I was intersexed. Maybe if I had told them about my secret inner life our whole relationship would have been healed Keeping secrets - how damaging that ultimately is!

I never knew there were transmen till 21 months ago. It took me several months but once I knew it was possible I had to transition even though I was in very poor health and well over 60.

I can't focus on the lost times and years or I will lose the time I do have in bitterness and regret. But I have wondered. I think back then no one would have suspected at all once transition was done. But it would have meant creating a whole new life with no ties to the old too. How were things like Social Security handled? You need a birth certificate to get a Social Security number and back then a driver's license as well. You can't work without a Social Security number. And my birth name leaves no doubt about gender. I'm from Texas. There was no possibility of a gender change on official documents I'm sure. So many things I wonder sometimes about how it could have been done. Whether I could have if I had known it was possible. That I was not alone in the world except for a few strange people down through history.

I love hearing about someone who did do it. Faced society and the consequences and made that choice. Thank you for sharing your story. You are a very remarkable woman!

Johnny

[KathrynJulia]

My story is very similar. At age 5, I to knew I was a female and had many confrontations with my parents over it. I was referred to a child psychologist for my deviant behavior. He was a total jerk. He would call me derogatory names and told me that if I continued wanting to dress like a girl, I would face ostracism. All I learned from him is I had to go along to get along. When I was 12, I began to go through puberty. It drove me completely nuts. The anxiety was awful. In desperation, I tried to castrate myself to stop it. That earned me a trip to the doctor and a referral to a psychiatrist. This was 1967 and society didn't tolerate transsexuals. So we worked to change my deviant yearnings and my disturbed thinking. Again I went along to get along. The 60 had zero tolerance of us. In 1976, I was in the Army, I was really hurting inside and started to consider suicide. I was also depressed. I was given Tricyclic antidepressive meds and referred to a psychiatrist. He was only going to be on active duty for 90 days. He was in the Army Reserves and lived in California. He was treating 11 patients in his California practice that were trans. He had lost two patients to suicide. He was the first sympathetic person I talked to. He told me that someday medcine would improve to the point that I would be able to change myself to my true self. He told me not to try suicide because all it offered was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. He asked me to be patient, that someday I would experience such happiness and joy. That was 1976. That was when I saw some changes beginning to occur where someday I could step out of the shadows and be who I truely am. I'm on the road now. I can see a small speck of light now at the end of a very long tunnel. But it is there and now I'm beginning to experience hope and joy. The pain can be fixed now and we are finding more exceptance. I told my doctors nurse my story. She gave me a big hug and we were both crying. When my doctor entered the room, his nurse is his wife and his patient are crying. He was dumbfounded. And then I laid my story on him, Told him I was in therapy and that I wanted to start HRT to begin my transition. It's 2012 and watch me go. I've torn off the rear mirror and I'm not looking back. I'm looking ahead. There will be obstacles in the road, maybe friends lost but I will deal with them when they come.. The 60's and 70's for me just plain sucked. I don't even like to think about it

KathrynJulia

[gennee]

Carol, thank you for sharing this beautiful story. Don't feel bad about letting 13 years pass by before transitioning. Timing has lost to do with events in our lives. Congratulations on your transition and your success in business.

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Carol,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest Carol Uren]

Thank you everybody for your replies and now that I am back in the UK I will have slightly more time so I might well take you up on your invitation to join you in the chat room Vanna (thank you for the invite). To be honest I was also waiting for the chance to update my profile etc which I believe should have been triggered when I reached 5 posts, but I'm about 10 post mark at the moment and still don't have any access to anything - even my posts have to wait before they are approved by a moderator (not that I mind that as I am quite a polite person so they always get published lol)

Carol xx

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I transferred to Charing Cross in London and eventually had my SRS in 1979. My only regret was that I did not have the knowledge or courage to do it 13 years earlier when I was 17.

Since then I have enjoyed running two successful businesses and have had a very happy and fulfilled life as a whole person, with none of the inner turmoil which used to afflict me.

I wish oh how I wish.... oh... [nevermind]....I hope this year or 2013

Lizzy

[KathrynJulia]

You know what I'm thankful for. The young people today have a chance where we had none years ago. They have hope, a little more tolerance, medical care that has improved as are the HRT Meds. I pray that the children following us are treated respectfully, with kindness, and are listened to and taken seriously. I hope for change in society so that greater protections are afforded the kids coming up. I pray for their happiness and acceptance of who they are and where they want to be. Take care everyone and God bless you Carol. Katheryn

[Bulldog1948]

Carol, Hi and Welcome. By the way,love your silver hair, so beautiful and dignified. Yeah, the 60s&70s were a big mess for sure. A lot of social upheavels and social unrest; especially here in the States.

Mike