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Something inspiring and something sad


Guest AdenAngel

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Guest AdenAngel

So I haven't been around here much in the last few months due to a few things. One being my fandom for BBC's Sherlock kind of consumed my life for a while lol an another being things have been a bit hard. 

Over the past month or two I've had this flip flop a lot. I get a lot of verbal grief from my family whenever I choose to dress how I'm comfortable -as a male- and of course they don't know, and I'd like to keep it that way for now, so they don't get it. I don't blame them but it still hurts an I find myself flipping back and forth over whether I have the strength in me to do it. I am happiest when I'm being me but in the same respect I'm bullied a bit. I've gotten into a fair few fist fights -with other guys- since I cut my hair and just generally have been acting more...well me. 

I often find myself waking up in the morning and looking at myself. I hate what I see. I hate having breast and curves. And Everytime my mom will mention how my hair is growing out -bc she's dying for it to be long again before my graduation photos- I have to leave the room because it kind of gives me this little mental break down. The idea of having long hair freaks me out like nothing else because it's kind of like a symbol in my mind. My short hair is a symbol of myself acceptance and how I'm happier now, but I've gone and razored it up during a few of my mental break downs because I'll just freak out an want it gone. 

But enough of the bad. 

Due to my Sherlock fandom I was looking up movies that a few of my favourite character's actors are in an I came across a true gem. The movie 'different for girls' (1996 British/French with rupert graves) is something I feel anyone who's having a hard time with themself should watch. It's a beautiful love story between a trans woman (Kim) who was bullied in prep school bc her class mates thought 'he' was gay. Kim's -at the time Karl- best friend stands up for him but hen they leave school they loose contact. It's a true story of learning to accept people for who they are no matter what's on the inside versus the outside. 

It kind of made me believe in love again because I'd been having a hard time believing people like us can find real soul mate sort of love. 

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Guest Exeter

Sorry to hear you've been having to struggle so much, Aden. :( Just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel, and I really hope things get better for you soon. That really sucks about your hair. I totally know how having long hair, and hating it, feels. Can't you find some way to convince your mum to let you cut it again?

It's good you've been involved in something you enjoy, though. Even if it does consume most of your time. ;) And that does sound like a brilliant movie.

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  • Forum Moderator

You are in a very difficult spot right now. Disclosing or not to your family is something only you can decide but there are consequences either way. If you chose not to disclose then you have to find the strength to get through.

Maybe at the least you can explain to your mom how much you hate your hair longer without explaining why. You are old enough to have your preferences respected. Perhaps since you have chose to keep them in ignorance you can find a compromise that won't make them feel you are just opposing them to hurt them. Some parents do get that idea and then they get hurt and things so south in a hurry when all you really want is not to be hurting so much yourself.

I guess that what I'm saying is that you chose not to give them the opportunity to understand and accept-which is your right. But I think having made that choice it also means you should do all you can to see that it isn't them and their feelings that pay the price for it. Sometimes we forget that part.

I am sorry it is hurting. I remember too well how it felt. For most of us this is the worst time in our lives. Better times are ahead and a life waits where all of this will be a bad memory

Johnny

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Guest Gregg Jameson

Hi Aden,

Always good to hear from you!

A apologize for a delay in responding. I am not able to respond here everyday, but do try to catch up whenever I can do so!

Yes, you are in a tough spot. The dysphoria is not a pleasant experience. I hope you will find a way to continue to do the things you feel help you to feel more like yourself! This, for you, includes how you feel about the length of your hair. I hope you can negotiate this and can have your hair in the style you prefer.

It's really important, Aden, to do some of the things that help you to feel more comfortable with yourself, your body, for now.

Too often, people feel so uncomfortable with their bodies that they detach from their bodies and/or they allow harm to their physical bodies. Many often later regret having allowed neglect and/or damage to their bodies. One of the goals, in my own opinion, is to not forsake the physical body, in any way. Try to find ways to remain totally "in your body," not dissociating from your physical self. Also protect your physical body from neglect and/or harm. This is sometimes difficult to do when we are not liking our bodies; yet, it is important to us and helps us in our future, no matter what we later decide about transitioning.

I am really, deeply concerned about your being "bullied."

I hope you might share more about this here, on the forum, in chat with moderators, in PMs with people here, etc. (If you do a search here on info, you will see a lot on this topic of "bullying" and some of the effects upon people being bullied. There is an increased awareness here on this topic and on the effects of having been bullied.)

Please reach out about this wherever you find it helpful to do so!

Thanks for the movie suggestion!

I hope you keep us updated!

With Gratitude,

Brad

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Guest Gregg Jameson

Hi Again, Aden!

After having read your post and having responded yesterday, I must confess:

I have continued very concerned about the fact that you are being "bullied!"

Please know you can talk about this here! Many here have also had this type of an experience and/or are very educated about the potential effects of having been bullied.

Take care, Aden!

With Concern,

Brad

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