First Therapy Session, Mostly Good

[Guest LizMarie]

I had my first therapy session today. I think it was mostly a good thing. I did find myself getting emotional over unexpected things but I've been repressing all this my entire life. Thankfully, she was patient and helped get me refocused on what was at hand. I'm still finding my way but getting a clearer sense of what I want and where I need to go. Of course, I attribute some of that to reading extensively here at Laura's then finally joining as well. Shaking the childhood taboos that what I feel is "wrong" is still going to be hard though. I know in my head it's not but my heart is still frightened.

Also, I discussed with my therapist how to approach my wife, which I then did today after therapy. I wasn't going to fully delve into gender identity issues but I guess she has suspected more about me over the years than I realized I let on. Her question to me was whether I was a cross dresser. Given that she was already forming thoughts, I felt it best to go ahead and address things. I asked her if she ever had any doubts about herself as a child and we talked and it became clear she did not. I explained that I did, and that I identified with females, that I saw myself as female, that I wanted to be female, not a male. She understood that, understood but wasn't happy about it, but at least we are still talking.

I did re-affirm that I love her and want to live the rest of my life with her but that right now I can't see doing that as a male. She told me she has a lot to sort through and is not sure she can deal with me becoming female so we'll have a lot to address but at least it's in the open and there's no yelling or screaming. I told her that I will always love her but I will support her in whatever she decision she makes regarding us. I don't want to lose her but I don't want to go back under a rock for the rest of my life either. And I don't want to make her stay if this bothers her that much.

I'll be returning to my therapist in a week's time each week for the next three weeks then we'll re-evaluate how often I feel like I need to see her.

It's a first step down an unknown road (for me) but thankfully many of you already blazed the trails and left a clearer path.

Thank you all.

[Guest Ney'ite]

Very happy for you, Liz . . . this was a HUGE step . . . one that ended up being perhaps a little more than you had planned, but I will say you hit everything right on the head:

Keeping the lines of communication OPEN. This is extremely important.

Reaffirming her that you love her. This is also very important.

Being true to yourself and doing what you need to do in order to achieve a peace and match the outside with your inside to whatever extent is right for *you*.

It can be quite scary for sure. I know when I made my first call to my therapist, I was totally shaking like a leaf and hoping no one would answer. Now I look back and wonder what the big deal was. You will too . . . some time in the future when you have reached another equally scary milestone, you may look back at today and smile that you started when you did and not waited longer.

And yeppers, many of us have traversed where you are right now . . . many with very very similar circumstances to boot.

Welcome to the roller coaster ride, Liz! Paraphrasing, Now get in, sit down, keep quiet, and HANG ON because here we gooooooo!!!!!!!!

[Carolyn Marie]

It sounds like it was a great day, overall, LizMarie. You hit it off with your therapist and opened up to her, which is good. Then you had "the talk" with your wife and that also went as well as anyone could expect. It sounded like a reasoned, calm, and intelligent discussion, which is far better than many such.

It might be good to let her think about it for a couple of days before talking about it again. Let her come up with her list of questions; she'll have many, I'm sure. It needs to sink in and percolate a bit. Be prepared for some anger, some confusion, and lots of fear and anxiety. Like Bette said, keep talking, and really listen to what she has to say. This isn't all about you, its about both of you. I wish you continued success.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Reagen]

Your first day of coming out sounds a lot like mine. I was soooo scared. It does get better, and keep in mind that you have been dealing with this your entire life and your wife is only now beginning to take this on. I agree with Carolyn give her some time and don't overload her to much in the beginning. Let her come to you with questions and be honest with her and yourself. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction.

I wish the best for you.

[Guest LizMarie]

Actually she said she doesn't want to ask me questions quite yet because she wants a clearer understanding of where my head is at. And my therapist made clear (and I repeated this to my wife) that she is available for my wife as much as for me, either jointly or singly, to help her or just answer questions if she wants answers from someone other than me.

So, yeah, I think this went as good as it could.

And after my evening workout during my shower, I let myself shave my legs. I'm not throwing that in my wife's face but if she notices at least she won't be shocked now.

Smooth legs rock!

[Guest angels wings]

Hello Liz

My partner is going through transition , she started therapy a few months ago . I went with her to every appt . It was very hard but I needed to do this . I was able to hear and learn why she is going through so much. In the beginning I don't think I had many ???? I was in shock . Give her some time and she will have lots some you won't be able to answer but some you may . Be as open as you can and kind to your responses . Also I found for myself that the more I educated my self on the condition the better understanding I had . Also joining Laura's could be very helpful for for she will see she is not alone and also get support and understanding. She will also be able to read of other wonderful people going through transition and learn what they have to endure which then gives her a better understanding about yourself . Be prepared for alot of emotions as you progress in your journey together . Alot of times the pain is hard to describe just be loving and patient . I'm glad you have broken free .i wish you and your wife all the best for a bright future together .

[Guest Mia J]

Good for you Liz and it sounds like for the most part things went well.

Don't worry about getting emotional with your therapist because that is what they are there for and that first time is sometimes like opening a flood gate of everything you have never been able to tell anyone about. At least that is the way is was for me.

Give you wife some time and talk, talk, talk as keeping the lines of communication open will help. Just don't ever do anything to push her and let her choose the pace.

Mia

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Liz - it starts! Good an bad - thrills and terrors - days of diamonds and days of mud! But all that passes. You are on your way to resolution - whatever that will be.

Lizzy

[KathrynJulia]

Hi LizMarie and welcome to the forum. Wow, what a day you had. You handled it really well with grace and understanding of yourself and were mindful of others feelings. You began building an important relationship with your therapist. This person will be more important than you can realize at this point in your transition. This person will also help you with your relationsip with your wife. And in closing, the folks who posted ahead of me were spot on in their advice to you. This is a remarkable forum full of some very amazing people. We are glad you have joined us and hope to hear more. Take care and God Bless you and your wife. Kathryn

[Guest LizMarie]

The second session was today. We talked about a lot of things and she gave me "homework", some of which is to try to help me establish a realistic time line for transition, how to plan it, etc. The other "homework" is exploring my own feelings about different topics.

I'm remaining open with my wife and she with me, but she seems to have already resolved in her head that we can't be together as a couple after I transition. Maybe she just can't see herself with another woman. I'm going to remain open to her and she's now agreed to also see our therapist but if in the end she wants to leave, I won't hold her back. I love her and would not want her to feel trapped in a relationship with which she was unhappy. I do think that no matter what happens that we have a good chance to at least remain friends through this, but I'm not yet giving up hope on us remaining together either, just trying to be realistic.

And yes, I realize this is a huge emotional roller coaster for her.

[Reagen]

Aww sweetie. Honey I know it's difficult sometimes. It sounds like you are making your best effort. Remember we are here for ya and hopefully things will work out. Keep us updated.