Ignore someone clocking you?

[Guest shadowghost21]

I have been trying to find some material about what others have done when they are clocked? My first reaction would be to take offence and deny (that is just the person I am) What are they gonna do, demand proof? I'm not letting some perv/jerk knock my wings off! What proof do they have that I am NOT a woman?

So tell me forum, what do you do when someone reads you and approaches you with it?

[VickySGV]

Call for the bouncer to help the gentleman to a taxi!! Usually they are drunk!!

[JJ]

One week I was mis-gendered about half the time and two weeks later I was never misgendered again. The closest I have come is a friend who had not been told trying to explain how much I had changed due to the 180 lb weight loss and kept saying she. I couldn't bear it and had to disclose to her in someone's home I didn't know in front of four strangers. Luckily they were fine with me. And once when a clerk said Mam before he looked at me or I spoke due to the red top and silver accents I was wearing and my height I suppose. Once he looked before I had a chance to say anything he corrected himself and apologized non stop as long as I was near him.

But if someone said something in public to indicate they clocked me I suppose it would depend on the situation. I wouldn't get upset with them unless they were loudly outing me because non-trans people just don't understand the protocol. I would either correct them or educate them a little depending on the situation. The former more than the latter I think

Johnny

[Guest Laura T.]

punch um in the face? no, the gut!

[Guest Donna Jean]

punch um in the face? no, the gut!

No, Laura.......neither of those......

Dee Jay

[Carolyn Marie]

Kaili, for me, it would depend on the circumstances. If someone was being mean or rude about it, I might tell them off. But if they weren't trying to provoke, I would probably be inclined to smile, tell them "yes, I'm a transwoman" and ask if they've ever met one before. It might open up a whole conversation.

I won't be shamed, that's for sure. I have nothing to hide, and every reason to be proud of who I am. I think a smile is very disarming. It's pretty hard to get ugly with someone who's got a friendly smile on their face.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Well look at them and laugh! They will suspect they made a mistake.

If they pushed it, but are polite? I show would them my ID.

If they pushed it and were not polite - I would stand up (I am 6'2" tall) - and I go get the manager if I am in a restaurant.

If they got rough I would call 911 right then and there.

I suppose if they pushed it further, and got rough, and shoved me around - I would would shoot them - no warning.

Lizzy

[Guest rikkicd64]

Yes Lizzy, I have prepared ,as you said, for that scenrio, I pray it never happens. I have used the "smile approach" several times when I find someone staring at me and the smile either melts their glaze or they turn their heads and look away.

Rikki...

[Drea]

Most that have read you will never let on.

I once had older teen with a group of friends yell behind me something akin to "did you used to be a guy". I turned around and walked up to him and his frineds and asked "what did you say" to which he said "hummna hummna hummna" with his friends laughing before finally blurting out the question again. To which I answerd, "yes, its pretty weird isn't it, no big deal I guess." to which his friends chuckeled. I then excused myself and proceeded back to my car.

[Guest Risu]

I would would shoot them - no warning.

You mean we can't just skip right to this step and let them take it to their grave?

I remember the one time I was read in public and confronted, I hadn't shaved in days and I was probably doing home electrolysis or plucking. Anyways, I went with my gramma to rent movies and the girl working the counter there politely asked me if she could say something. I acted as if I had no clue what she was talking but told her "sure" and she then proceeded to say "I think it's great what you're doing". I kindly thanked her, checked out our movies and went about my business. I also remember smiling at a great many people who normally just smiled back and went on with their business. I also had a couple guys invite me out for coffee. Once I had a woman, a seemingly natal female who was taller than me even give me dirty looks over her shoulder but I don't know if it was because I was trans or because she had 3 screaming kids in her cart and was stuck waiting in a line in the Walmart auto department.

I like JJ's approach though. If they question you kindly, you can try to educate them. If they try to get rough with you, Lizzy's approach works also.

I'd really like to get into a self defense class somewhere but somehow I doubt in a small town like mine there is a self defense class that would welcome a transitioning trans woman. It's definitely on my list of things to do if I ever find myself in the city again.

~Jade.

[JJ]

Actually shooting without warning may have some very negative consequences-not only for the shooter-who may be well then also be shot by police-but for the community. People already see us as unbalanced and shooting an unarmed person without warning isn't going to help. Would be great fodder for the haters though. Tennessee would probably pass a bill putting trans people in the same class as convicted felons when it came to registering firearms. Not mentally competent to be trusted with deadly force.

Not to mention if it was a them situation you would end up dead because while you are pulling that gun or shooting it others can grab you. Statistics have shown you will almost certainly end up dead once you go for the gun. Not pro or con guns statistics. Just a fact. Not to mention if you do manage to survive the use of deadly force is not justified in a situation where people are being rude or shoving so you end up in prison. Unless you are very, very lucky in a prison with a bunch of guys-for a very long time. And they will like your HRT induced attributes. A lot.

I'd rely on screams and 911. Because I think the results of using deadly force might actually end up being worse than being dead. For me anyway.

Johnny

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Actually in the last three years, since I started HRT, and the last 2 years when I've lived full time, I've never had anyone confront me....none...nada...zilch...

So, I'm not sure how I'd react until it happens.....

Dee Jay

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I will not get beat to death. If someone starts hitting me, I will consider my life in danger. I have absolutely no strength to fight anyone, and I KNOW the consequences - I read the Day of Remembrance statistics.

Lizzy

[JJ]

I know Lizzy-and recognize your need but I fear that the consequences will be completely different from what you want. Actually can't see anything but horrific consequences from reaching for the gun rather than a phone. I guess I just want others to realize too that when that gun comes out your life is over either way.

Not trying to fight or argue. I do understand the fear. And the need to feel safe with the gun. I wish I knew a better answer or believed there was any way that it would actually save you in the long run

Just a difference in how we see the realities. Doesn't change how much I care about you and pretty sure we'll just have to agree to an amicable disagreement on this one

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest Elizabeth K]

JJ - re-read my sequence of alert stages

Just be pleasant

Show ID as a woman

Leave and get the manager

Call 911

If attacked - defend myself - I will NOT be beat to death

I understand your cautioning and I agree, to shoot someone is a life altering event. But given the statistics of my being beat to death because I am a transwoman are pretty good, because although I have woman's strength, the attacker considers me as male bodied and open to thrashing as a 'male' - plus the attacker is likely to have a huge amount of rage. A killing rage.

I will risk going in front of a judge and showing I was in fear of my life, I did not provoke or start the attack, and that I did not use unreasonable force as all I posses is a woman's strength. At least I will be alive.

Lizzy

[Carolyn Marie]

What someone can do to defend themselves always, always, depends on the totality of circumstances. We're all talking in hypotheticals here, so any scenario can be applied.

If someone pushes me, I can't hit them over the head with a baseball bat.

If a single attacker punches me with a fist, and I have a means of escape, I can't pull out a gun and shoot him, because it isn't reasonable to assume my life is in danger.

If I'm surrounded by four guys who say they are going to do me, you bet I could pull a gun or any other weapon, and start shooting if any one of them attacked. In that case, a reasonable person could assume their life was in danger.

If somone pulled a knife on me, I would pull a gun and shoot them, period.

So there is no one right answer, except that it depends. Anyway, I think all this talk about self defense has gotten away from the question posed by the OP, which was about being clocked. It wasn't about being attacked, beat up, or threatened. Just clocked. In my mind, that has no violent connotations at all. We've all been clocked. How many have escalated to violence?

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I haven't been 'clocked' (I don't care much for that term, by the way) And yes, the original question was not about confrontation - but it could lead to that in rare circumstances. My reply showed a continuous sequence reactions from good - to bad - to threatening, and I feel it was a complete answer that way. I am not continuing to respond after this as I have said all I want to say.

BUT

Okay - I do carry a knife. I would just stab them in the eye. GRIN

One last time - I will not be beaten to death - when I feel THAT threat, is when I would shoot,

I guess I wasn't clear enough.

BUT when pushed and attacked, I will NOT threaten with a gun. If the gun comes out, I coc-k, point and shoot. You NEVER threaten someone with a gun - that's when they take it away from you and shoot you. A basic tenant of self defense. And yes - there are consequences - that is why everyone needs to understand carrying a gun for self defense is a huge responsibility.

Lizzy

[Guest Risu]

Carolyn is right.

We've all been clocked at some point and we probably only got dirty looks out of it we never even knew were there.

I think most of the people don't care enough to risk prison or personal injury themselves. At worst we might get a rude comment but physical violence is rare. Of course it's always a possibility especially being trans but so long as you're careful about the kinds of places you go out in public you should alright. Like for example, there is a town neighboring mine that is a military town and you can bet I'm not going to be walking down the main boulevard in marine territory.

While I personally do not care for firearms I do believe everyone has a right to defend themselves and there are times when the greater wrong is not to fight. Those times, like the chances of physical violence if you're careful, are few and far between. Fortunately for all of us we have people like Lizzy, Dee Jay and Carolyn educating the public and doing good for our community's benefit and hopefully one day simply being clocked is the worst we'll ever have to fear.

So what to do if you're clocked? If they don't confront you then you don't even need to acknowledge it. And if they do? Do everything in your power to dispell things peacefully and prevent it from escalating to violence.

~Jade.

[Guest Donna Jean]

So what to do if you're clocked? If they don't confront you then you don't even need to acknowledge it. And if they do? Do everything in your power to dispell things peacefully and prevent it from escalating to violence.

~Jade.

TA DA!

Dee Jay

[Guest shadowghost21]

Well I'm not big on the whole "clocking" term either, but I can't figure out another way to put it and everyone knows what it means.

Love the responses, defiantly love the stories you all have

[Guest Lani]

punch um in the face? no, the gut!

No, don't ever do that in a situation like that!!

Horrible idea!!

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I haven't been clocked in a long time. I think I would probably roll my eyes, laugh, mumble "whatever" and keep walking.

Being tall really helps. I suggest DJ get some stilts....

[Guest Melancholy]

I haven't been 'clocked' (I don't care much for that term, by the way) And yes, the original question was not about confrontation - but it could lead to that in rare circumstances. My reply showed a continuous sequence reactions from good - to bad - to threatening, and I feel it was a complete answer that way. I am not continuing to respond after this as I have said all I want to say.

BUT

Okay - I do carry a knife. I would just stab them in the eye. GRIN

One last time - I will not be beaten to death - when I feel THAT threat, is when I would shoot,

I guess I wasn't clear enough.

BUT when pushed and attacked, I will NOT threaten with a gun. If the gun comes out, I coc-k, point and shoot. You NEVER threaten someone with a gun - that's when they take it away from you and shoot you. A basic tenant of self defense. And yes - there are consequences - that is why everyone needs to understand carrying a gun for self defense is a huge responsibility.

Lizzy

That's fantastic. Carry around a knife, stab 'em. Kind of thing I would do, except that carrying a knife unless you're a chef or something will get me arrested. There always those sciccors, but they look into that. If I can prove I had them incidentally, such as that wooden length in my bag. It's good, because If I get hurt I have sciccors, bandages, and soon plasters in my bag, and a ton of other useful stuff. I like to plan.

Only thing is, I don't think I have it in me to beat someone. I kind of let go of that. Then again, if I just blow up on them...

Anyway, I would just laugh it off. Or give them a dirty look back. That works a lot.

[Guest amanda_s]

ok knife too close for me still interesting. can be used against you pepper spray or something like it is better because they are farth away from you. once someone grabes you then theres trouble.

Amanda

[Guest Kelly-087]

Just look at them like they are the dumbest person that just just said the dumbest thing in your entire life.

This works for more than just being outed.