On the tip of my tongue

[Guest Bass Dragon]

I have been fighting someone inside of me beginning no later than when I was six. I know I have someone boxed up inside and I feel so close to finally knowing who I am but I'm scared. I have never really been a girl <just a very short stage as a toddler> but I have been told so many times to "let the girl out" that I wonder if there is girl in me that I'm just not letting out. I feel so much more comfortable and confident when I try to appear more male. I started to really wonder if I might be transgender about three or four years ago a little while after I first heard about it and talked to a counselor at my college. I don't feel I really got anywhere and just settled that I must be "a different kind of girl." I had "friends" who sat down regularly with me to explain that boys are this and girls are that so I should be that not this. And others who supported her telling me so.

But here I am three, four years later and I don't think I really came to the right answer and I am scared. I'm afraid of what will happen. The counselor I am seeing right now for other things doesn't seem to get it. What will happen with my family, with work? The company I work for doesn't have a track record for firing over this--but I work in Gossip City. I work in a supervisor position. I know there are people that would be cool, but I know some that are two-faced and some that are downright hateful too.

I just don't know where to go or what to do.

[Carolyn Marie]

Hon (should I call you Dragon, or do you have another preferred name?), please don't stress yourself out. You have a long, long way to go before you have to start worrying about work related issues.

The first thing you should concentrate on is finding a gender therapist, because clearly, your current therapist doesn't know enough about the subject to help you. The only way you're going to figure out if you are transsexual or something else, is with the help and guidance of a G.T. We can't do it for you here. Even if you are confirmed as trans (and I hate using the term "diagnosed"), and decide that transition is the right path for you, it is a long and slow process, and issues like your job will be dealt with when they need to be.

Stick with us, read through the forum posts, talk to others, ask questions, and we'll help you figure things out.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie