writing a letter to my mom

[Guest amanda_s]

Hello i need ideas about what should and should not be in a letter to my mom. for the last week i have been thinking about how to tell her. I know that i will chicken out and have decide that writing a letter. My idea is that it is a 2 page letter when she opens it on one page is the letter and on the other page is some pictures of me dressed casual. But don't know what i should put in this letter. i plan to take my time to write this letter. i plan for the fall or the spring of 2013.

thank you for any ideas

[Guest Haidos]

firstly i'm assuming this is a coming out letter?

when i wrote mine i gave a basic definition of transexual, how long i had felt like that, steps i had taken in my life to live as my preferred gender, and what i wanted from them i.e. love, support, use of new name and pronouns etc.

i also wrote i know this must be hard for you multiple times, say you'll be patient.

can't really say much more than that i'd say keep it fairly basic because you can talk in detail once she's read it.

[Guest angels wings]

In the transsexual forum there is a whole area dedicated to coming out. There are lots of stories and great advice on how others choose to open up . There is also alot of ideas on letter writting . Hope this helps .wish you All the best Amanda

[Guest Jal Marie]

Hi amanda_s,

Be honest and respectful of who your mother is and write what is in your heart. Explain a bit of a back ground on transgender and give her a few resoureces she can look up for herself. I believe writing a letter and taking your time can be a very good way to come out. I think sending your mother some recent pictures of yourself is a very great idea because that way you will be able to help her form a better mind picture of who you truly are. Make sure to assure her that you will answer all her questions and that you will give her the time she needs to come to an understanding. Also tell her you wish to see her soon to talk face to face in private so you two can work out anything that she may not be sure of. I wish you the best and have a wonderful day.

[Guest Guest_SL]

Hi,

Wow! Deep water indeed. I'd be big on the face to face right away. It's you call and you've chosen letter for a specific reason. My view is slanted, I came home to a "Dear John" letter and the sudden shock made me dismiss the letter as something less than what it was for three days. When the penny dropped, so did I. But that was an ending, you're dealing with a beginning and an end. How tricky is that? Your mom is going to have to deal with both all from your written words so I also preach patience and time to get it as right as you can. It won't be perfect but what is?

How good is your relationship with your mother? Any other family members involved? How much one on one time do you have with your mother right now? Anyway of cracking the door, so to speak, smoothing the path?

I have to figure out how to tell my therapist and I've been seeing her for 6 years! I'm afraid she'll shuffle me off to someone I can't be open with on any of my issues. Do I take that chance? You mother will always be your mother. Once you get past this, she'll still see you as a part of her. You want to make her proud to claim that part and love you for who you have always been, You.

Sara Lee

[Guest amanda_s]

thank you for the help. I have lived with my parents for the last few years they are retired and i haven't made that much money together we survive. i just cant seem to get up the corrage to tell her whats going on and why for me this will open the door to start the talk. my relationship is good with both parents( she was told a friend of hers that one is out of the house and one is at home her friend looked at her kind of funny then she said with out me they would know what to do. i fix things things ,do all kinds of work around the house.) but they are old fashioned grew up in europe in the 50's and 60's before coming to canada i have tried in the past with no susess but now have alot more information and know im not alone.

Amanda

[Guest Guest_SL]

No, you're not alone. You mention Europe. Will your letter be as precise as you'd want it to be, assuming English may be their second language?

If they rely on you, I'd imagine that they have a lot of faith in your judgement, is that correct?

Don't be shy in asking for advice but keep in mind that'll only be advice and only you know how things are in your home. But there is a lot of wisdom here and it's all free.

Sara Lee

[Guest TracieV3]

Hello i need ideas about what should and should not be in a letter to my mom. for the last week i have been thinking about how to tell her. I know that i will chicken out and have decide that writing a letter. My idea is that it is a 2 page letter when she opens it on one page is the letter and on the other page is some pictures of me dressed casual. But don't know what i should put in this letter. i plan to take my time to write this letter. i plan for the fall or the spring of 2013.

thank you for any ideas

Becareful how you package your letter. If you mother sees the pictures before reading you letter, she may get the wrong idea. The letter is what puts the pictures into context and it is key she read your letter first.

I suggest you use two envelopes. Put your pictures in the first envelope, and then put the first envelope with your letter into the second envelope. That way you mother will see the letter you wrote before the pictures.

[Guest amanda_s]

HI Sara Lee my parents are fine with englist alot of time better that peolpe who went to school but the are old fashioned. like i said i do all the repairs cut the fire wood , shove snow in a good winter 3 to 4 feet around the house my dad doesn't want to do work any more he worked very hard for 50 years. i'm finishing all the renavations he started on the house.

tracie nice idea thank you

Amanda

[Guest Guest_SL]

Amanda,

Old fashioned does not always mean not able to accept change. This would be big for them in many ways and perhaps they may feel they were losing someone they depend on a great deal. So make sure you know where you want to go and how best to reassure them that you'll always be the same inside and that the person inside just wants to come out so there is only one person.

Sara Lee