Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Romance & Dating - MTF


Guest Joyful Mama

Recommended Posts

Guest Joyful Mama

I have been asking myself this question for awhile and would like to have some opinions. My daughter is MTF and identifies as straight at this point. I want and so wish for her to have a full life - she is young and attractive and has a lot of offer some lucky guy. What is the reality/possibility of her finding a guy? I have this nagging feeling that her romantic life is going to be very tough because I don't know if a straight guy will to want to date her (she is soon to be post-op) and eventually settle down. One part of me is optimistic while the other part of me says don't count on it. Are straight guys mostly not interested? I would assume there are guys out there that willing to accept her for who she is regardless of her being MTF? But, is it such a rare case that happens? She is willing to tell a guy her medical history if she thinks a relationship is beginning.

Forgive me if this topic has been discussed already.

Link to comment
Guest Kelly-087

Likely? Who knows.

But I'll say, it's not a stretch. Chances are: The guy that won't want to be with her for that reason, are the guys that you don't want with your daughter period.

Link to comment
Guest Talon

Hey there,

I completely understand your worries, I think all transpeople to some extent have these concerns for themselves and, if you are a parents of an MTF or FTM, definitely for you children!

You daughter can find love for sure! :) I know that there is a lot of talk about relationships not working out because of trans-issues. But a lot of them do. I think the key is to not view your daughter being MTF as a problem or something negative about her ( I'm not saying you look at it that way :)) when thinking about relationships. I mean, people are so vastly different in so many regards. And everyone has something about them, some kind of baggage or some kind of fact, habit, medical condition etc. etc. that is potentially hard to swallow for a partner and takes some getting used to. As for the physical stuff, bio people look very different underneath their clothes and pants too.

I think the worries connected with being trans in the dating world and wanting to date straight guys is that you may run into someone who is fundamentally against it and who will not under any circumstances accept it. If you haven't told your partner that you're trans from the start this may trigger some anger and cause the person to feel cheated or manipulated. So I think it is wonderful that your daughter is willing to be straight up about everything.

Also, being as some guys view MTFs as a genre of porn only, I think it's important to just use common sense and be sure to enter a relationship with some understanding of the other person and after having spent some time together. But I am sure your daughter thinks about that herself too and if she is honest about everything I am sure that the bad guys can be avoided! Besides, I don't think those guys would even stick around long enough to get to know each other as persons because they are just looking for a quick lay. So as long as one is aware, I don't think those guys are gonna be a problem.

The world is huge. There are so many good people here, people who just want to find love and who are accepting of others' differences. I agree with Kelly that a guy who doesn't want your daughter for who she is and for everything she is is not the guy she should be with in the long run anyways. But trust me, there are good guys out there, straight biological males and trans guys as well. I know she can meet the right one, there are people who cares about WHO she is and not WHAT she is :) It's hard to say if straight guys in general care or not. I guess some of them do. But some of them don't. I've heard many of my straight bio friends say that it really wouldn't matter in a relationship. I am a straight trans guy and in my opinion, and many of my friends agreed when we talked about this, if an MTF identifies as a woman then she is as much a woman as any bio girl and in a relationship with her I'd still be straight as an arrow :) My own girlfriend is MTF. There ARE guys out there who won't mind and who will always see her as a beautiful, wonderful woman no matter what. I have many FTM friends who are in relationships with biological girls and it doesn't pose big problems. It's all about love.

So yeah... it is possible! I know it is because I've seen it! Your daughter can definitely find love. Of course her being trans is something that her future partner has to be willing and able to live with but there are guys who can do this and not have issues with it.

Good luck to you both!

All the best,

Talon.

Link to comment
Guest Joyful Mama

Thank you Talon, for your kind, comforting, and thoughtful reply to my concerns. You are right, there seems to be more info about trans relationships not working out. I needed to hear what you wrote - the world is a big place and there are guys out there who can accept my whole daughter for who she is. I think my daughter has her head on her shoulders and will be cautious. As a parent, I have hopes and dreams for her, just as I did prior to her transition when I thought I had a son. But, I have to admit, those hopes and dreams can be minimized at times when I hear sad stories and it breaks my heart knowing it can be tough. I cheer whenever I hear of a huge success story that has been made public due to celebrity status - they are steps that lead to educating our society and, in turn, make it possible to give us parents hope and faith things will 'be ok' for our kids. Because we have been focusing so much on her transition and all the dynamics that go with it and now that she has come so far that my concerns have moved on to - 'ok, now what?' I love my daughter so much and am so thankful she is becoming happier and happier as time goes on and gaining confidence as to who she is. She deserves a happy life, as does everyone. Kelly087 - very good point and one to keep remembering to stay strong. Thank you!

Joyful Mama

Link to comment
Guest Lacey Lynne

Hi, Mama:

Hey, no worries about discussing this issue. Certainly, people have discussed here many times before. However, it is completely new to YOU right NOW; hence, we're glad you asked about this issue.

Talon, especially, and the others gave you marvelous answers. Believe what they tell you, because it's true. Surely, you've heard the old saying: Nothing succeeds like success. Well, it's actually true. What better way to encourage you and your daughter that finding love and romance IS possible for her than to give real-life examples of people just like your daughter who have found love and happiness trans issues notwithstanding?

Many times, I refer people to Lynn Conway's website, because Ms. Conway herself is a MTF transsexual woman. More importantly, she's simply brilliant and provides splendid information for transwomen and transmen to encourage them to live full and happy lives. Kindly take a look at this website. You would do well to read all the stories even if it takes a few days to do so. These stories will delight and inspire you and your daughter. Of note is that Lynn Conway herself found love, happiness and a stable marriage after transitioning.

Fortunately, these days and times are much, much better than those of my youth (I'm age 56.5), and your daughter actually stands a very GOOD chance of finding somebody worthwhile to love her and for her to love. Lynn Conway's website? Certainly! Here you go:

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TSsuccesses.html

May I suggest to you that your daughter need not necessarily insist on finding a genetic guy? Transguys really rock. Talon, who answered you splendidly above, is a marvelous example! It's been my good fortune and pleasure to have met several transguys in real life, and I admire them very much. Were I young again, I'd happily involve myself with a transguy were the occasion to arise. I know of transguys and transgals who've gotten together, stayed together and have very successful and happy relationships and full and happy lives.

While we're on the subject, why not check out successful transguys too? Bombs away! Here's to you:

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TransMen.html

Yes, Ma'am! Every single one of those guys began life as a biological female! Note that they span the spectrum of the panopoly of people mirrored in mainstream society. Guy, these guys are smart, successful and (dare I say it?) attractive and simply brim and bubble with confidence, aplomb and contentment. How cool is that? Way cool!

Peace & Joy :friends: Lacey Lynne

Postscript:

What we are telling you is, yes, your daughter has very real possibilities to find love, romance and happiness. Doubt it not. Believe, and all things are possible unto you. Sound silly, I know, but it's, oh, so true! Namaste.

Link to comment
Guest MissLeyla

This has been a huge concern for me too..... Thankyou so much for the informative and encouraging words ladies, it was just what i needed to read right now :) xo, Leyla

Link to comment
Guest KarenLyn

I was 41 when I started my transition. I never expected to be in a relationship at that point. I didn't even thing dating was possible.

My husband and I have been together for just over 13 years now.

Romance and love happen when they happen but if they are possible at my age, I don't think your daughter has anything to worry about.

Karen

Link to comment
Guest kelise

I am a lesbian and while I'll say finding the right girl wasn't easy, it did ultimately happen and I have been with my girlfriend now for over 2 years. I was pre-op when we met and she was with me through my surgery. We couldn't be happier. For me it was important to find a girl who liked girls. I needed someone who wantede and was attracted to my new anatomy rather than just tolerated it. So, it's okay to be picky. The dating pool may be smaller, much smaller in my case, as I not only jumped from the "cis-only" pool to the "willing to date trans" pool, but also from the straight to the lesbian pool, and yet, I still found somebody despite the odds.

Link to comment
Guest Joyful Mama

Lacey Lynn,

Oh, thank you for your words of encouragement and links. It was kind of you to include the links which I will enjoy reading. This is all good information and helps immensely in brightening future hopes. I needed to hear and read success stories. Tahnk you so much!

KarenLyn and Kelise,

Wow, thanks for sharing your success stories. Congratulations on finding love!

Joyful Mama

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 75 Guests (See full list)

    • ClaireBloom
    • Karen Carey
    • Carolyn Marie
    • VickySGV
    • Petra Jane
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,103
    • Most Online
      8,356

    BUGFIEND
    Newest Member
    BUGFIEND
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bobbijean
      Bobbijean
    2. Bryan
      Bryan
      (61 years old)
    3. jlw5ju
      jlw5ju
      (27 years old)
    4. ladykirabellum
      ladykirabellum
      (47 years old)
    5. Lizzie17
      Lizzie17
  • Posts

    • Lydia_R
      I had some guy grab my butt on the ship.  I don't know how "real" it was, but I did not enjoy that at all.  Also did not enjoy the hazing I saw other people going through.  One person can only do so much to stop that when there are 10 people doing it.
    • Lydia_R
      Here is a legible copy (hopefully):    
    • Lydia_R
      I pulled this out of a stack of old military mementos yesterday.  I guess I didn't realize how cool this one was because I did so much of this kind of thing back then.    
    • Lydia_R
      This internet video thing is pretty amazing.  I'd call it Zoom, but there are other platforms out there.  I prefer Zoom over Teams because Zoom puts me and everyone else in the same picture.  I like seeing the whole group in one shot.  Teams of course is about having so many people that you can't get them in the shot, or is it?   Just saying that I have never met any of my counselors in person.  Doctors, of course I have and I am lucky there.  They are 3.5 miles from my house as is the main transgender surgery place in town.  I've been doing virtual visits with the medical doctors lately though.  It feels like once I became steady state, they don't need to interact with me physically that much.  I have enjoyed going into their office in my nice clothing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I guess a lot depends on where you start and where you wanna end up.  For me, doing the "boy form" thing has come with disadvantages.  Smaller skeleton, thinner bones, and skinny/tiny everything.  I'll never be taken seriously.  I guess the advantage is that my way of blending in is just kind of confusing.  "Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?"    One of the biggest arguments for starting transition early in life is I think it gives a person a greater ability to pass.  My two MtF friends started early, and pass really well.  They never got to the larger bone structure, beard, deep voice stuff.  Me being intersex (which is more complicated) and not getting around to "boy form" until my 30's, my body size and features were pretty much set in stone.      You're lucky.  Some folks pay all that and more, even AFTER insurance.  One of my friends faced the choice last year - pay for her final year of college or pay for her meds.  She's taken a year off from college to work and save up money to finish.    My medical expenses have been more injury-related than therapy or medication   The state covered some of it with a fund for crime victims, insurance covered a lot, but there's ended up being a few thousand dollars spent out-of-pocket since 2022 to put me back together again.  I've never found a decent therapist, but my husband has a psych degree among other things, so I figure talking with him is almost as good.  I do have a good doctor, although I have to drive a long way to a big city to see her.  Mostly she takes a basic look at me, and writes another year's prescription.  Since I'm non-op and only using testosterone cream for a localized effect, its pretty simple stuff. 
    • Lydia_R
      I'm a tracker and I've paid for 100% of my transition costs out of pocket.  Counseling was a huge, huge part of my transition and well worth my money.  Not to be uppity about all of this.  I'm just sharing information I have because I have it and it may be useful for others.  Here is my analysis of my spending on transition over the last 2.5 years:   Medical Doctors and Blood Draws: $2,397 Counseling: $3,800 Medications (brand name): $2,702.85 Medications (generic): $485.39 Total: $9,385.24   I picked up on the internet early in transition that transition is a consumer activity.  I tend to agree with that.   This year (Jan - May 18th, 2024), I've spent: Medical Doctors: $102 Medications: $241.52 Total: $343.52   So I'm on a much more sustainable path with it.  I'm pretty happy with where I am with it, although I do still desire surgery and am nervous about how that will all unfold.  But my doctors have me on this steady state thing.  I could seek out other medications, but what I'm doing is good enough.  Oh, I'm missing something....  I did a bunch of electrolysis that didn't appear to have any effect.  I've always enjoyed shaving and I use pink shaving cream now (I've got some lipstick blond in me).  It's good enough.  Not sure if I'll do electro or laser in the future.  The need to shave my body has become less and less.  Before HRT, I was shaving my body weekly or even every 5 days.  Now it is more like 2-3 weeks.  Everyone's body hair is different.  My beard is very coarse and stiff while my body hair has been somewhat minimal and light.  It's nice to have smooth legs and not have to shave as much.   Counseling was $200/session.  I tried one or two counselors before I found one who resonated with where I really was.  When I was prescribed HRT, I didn't fill the prescription until 4 months later.  I had to take some time to decide that I really wanted to take on that lifetime financial commitment.  And of course the possibly negative health consequences too, but I think I was actually thinking more about the finances of it all.  Maybe 51%.   I did a lot of work to revitalize my career before jumping into medical transition.  I started counseling 3 months before I got the best paying job of my life.  The pressure of wanting to transition was so great that I couldn't wait any longer.  She was coming out.  Even though I had very little money, I splurged on some nice dresses and a full length mirror and then started counseling.  Sometimes you just have to move forward and hope for the best.  Other times it is better to wait and do some hard work.  The grace of it all..
    • Ivy
      And when the pressure is released it sucks in heat.  I had a regulator leaking and it was covered with ice.  It's how a heat pump works as well.   Why do they always pick names like this?  It's like the exact opposite of what it really is. I hate politics so much.  But I still have to follow it.
    • Lydia_R
      Wonderful!  This reminds me of a discussion I had with my brother a decade ago.  I said that things expand when they get hotter.  He said, no, they expand when they get colder.  And I had to think about that for a while.  The weird thing is that H20 is special in that when it reaches freezing, it expands.   The pressure makes the cold and then we see the condensation.
    • KatieSC
      I used to have a really good therapist, however, she does not accept health insurance reimbursement fees as they are too low. I had to pay 130 per session. When she decided to jack the rates to 185 per hour, I cut bait. Without a doubt, counseling is very helpful. What concerns me greatly is that we are a vulnerable population. Unfortunately, we can easily be targeted for some pretty high fees. How many of us have been in the situation where our healthcare provider, surgeons, or counselors, have required cash payments? We get jammed as well by the health insurance companies as they often will not pay for items that could be essential to our well-being. It is my contention that our chances of being targeted for violence, death, or harassment, go up when we cannot easily blend in with the female population.    For those of us that are MTF, some of us are blessed with more feminine features, and many of us are not. We get the whammy of a larger skeleton, bigger hands, bigger feet, a beard, a deep voice, and masculine face. It takes a lot for some of us to be able to blend in. My belief is that the better we blend in, the better chance we have of not being targeted. In this, electrolysis, facial feminizing/gender affirming facial surgery, voice/speech therapy with voice feminization/gender affirming voice surgery, and body contouring are all potentially lifesaving. Unfortunately, many of the insurance companies deem the procedures as cosmetic, and yet there is no cosmetic that fixes all of these issues.    If you pay your money, you can get anything you want in this world. The sad reality is that for us, many of these procedures would enhance our lives tremendously, yet we face ongoing battles with our very existence. Yeah, an empathetic therapist helps, but is it just the concept of reasonable empathy at a reasonable cost? When my therapist jacked her rates to 185 per hour, I said enough is enough. Your mileage may vary.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I don't think the temperature matters as much.  Think about how gases like CO2 are stored in cylinders, and they are basically the same in summer or winter.  Any gas becomes liquid under enough pressure.  What does matter is the strength of the pressure vessel.  If exposed to excess external heat, pressure increases and can burst a tank or a pipe.  Household propane tanks are often painted white or silver and have safety release valves, because sunlight can heat a tank enough to cause a significant increase in internal pressure, even though the contents remain liquid. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been a long week, and I think this weekend is going to be pretty busy.  The high school is having their graduation later today.  Although we don't have any grads in our family this year, my husband is going because he's involved with the school.  And tonight there's the torchlight ceremony for the county cadets who are finishing their program, and the reading of assignments for the new seniors.  One of my stepkids will be a senior this year.  She's talented, and will be assigned a squad leader position.  My husband is really proud of her, and she's well-liked by her peers even though she's very quiet and serious.    I might get to go on a trip to Texas this week.  The storms that hit Houston caused a lot of electrical damage, so no doubt the utilities in that area will be ordering stuff from my husband's company.  When the big hurricane hit Florida in 2022, we made several trips there with badly-needed equipment, and the entire transportation department was involved in the first convoy.  When he travels, I usually want to go along, since 1-on-1 time is kind of rare for us. 
    • Mmindy
    • Lydia_R
      Maybe surface tension?   I was in a political debate yesterday and it got way too focused on social stuff and I just had to steer the conversation back to how natural gas transitions to a liquid under pressure.  One of the people I was debating had a career working in that field and it was a good opportunity to expose stuff like that.  He mentioned that it isn't just pressure, it is temperature too.  So then I mentioned how the lines are running underground and asked how that played a role in it.  He came back saying that natural gas is a liquid under pressure.  I guess I didn't get a straight answer on that, but it did move my thinking one step down the road.  Perhaps I should have been more direct with him and asked him at what temperature and pressure.  Is there a chart?   I feel people would be better off if they paid more attention to the objects in their environment instead of focusing on some of the things that we hear so much of in the news.  People are pretty clueless as to how much trigonometry plays a role in so many things in our society.  Even land surveyors don't really use it anymore because programmers locked it away in a function.  Much like how cascading style sheets (CSS) is a wrapper for math.  I wonder what former president Trump thinks about all of that?  He must have some knowledge of how his buildings are constructed, right?  There certainly is a part of me that thinks he is just putting on a show about all of this.  Perhaps I'm wrong though.  All kinds of people in the world.
    • Jani
      Me as well.  I can use my left hand for many tasks though.
    • Jani
      Hello Jennifer and welcome back.  I find New England to be a great place to live.  I have a number of acquaintances and friends in Maine and I love the state.  It seems you are doing well.     Hugs,  Jani
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...