Oil Change.....

[Guest Donna Jean]

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I can post this because I've been on both sides of this fence......

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" Oil Change instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to Dealership when the mileage reaches 5,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Relax in the waiting room while enjoying a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change:$24.00

Coffee: Complementary

TOTAL:

$24.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and use your debit card for $50.00.

2. Stop to buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6.. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21. Drink beer.

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25. Begin cussing fit.

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.

28. Beer.

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30. Beer.

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32. Beer.

33. Lower truck from jack stands.

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35. Beer.

36. Test drive truck.

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38. Truck gets impounded.

39. Call loving wife, make bail.

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts: $50.00

DUI: $2,500.00

Impound fee: $75.00

Bail: $1,500.00

Beer: $20.00

TOTAL: $4,145.00

Dee Jay

[Sally]

And that is why I always just bought a new car when I needed to change the oil.

Now I have my oil changed at a Goodyear store on the parking lot of a large mall - it may cost as much as a man changing the oil but I have a lot of nice things!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

You need to change the oil?

I never did on my old cars and I would get 60,000, sometimes 65,000 miles on them before they stopped running!

Lizzy

[Charlize]

oil?

[Cyndee]

Thanks for a good laugh Dee Jay, so much is true.

I'll admit, I do still change my own oil on the F-350 cuz it's so easy and I have space for it, never needed kitty litter, don't drink beer, and yes I do take our other cars to dealership and let them fuss over it...... I like the best of both worlds...

Hugs

C Rae -

[Guest Haileyruso]

Dee Jay been there, done that...except for the DUI part. This made me laugh because I just got back from changing my oil per the instructions for women where I finally realized it is the more sensible route to go! No more oil changes at home for this girl

-Hailey

[Guest KarenLyn]

I have a husband to change the oil. And I don't let him drink 'til he's finished.

[Guest otter-girl]

Lol. The van at my work is wanting more oil. I sure ain't doing it!

Rachel.

[JJ]

My daughter once decided to show the world she could do anything a guy could do-Read up on it and changed the oil in her pickup herself. Did a great job too but the reason it was only once was that she didn't like what happened when she pulled that dain plug while lying directly under it looking up. Talk about oily hair-and face-and clothes -and -well everything.

She swore off oil changing for life.

Me?-If it has fins or fur I'm a wiz. But metal parts? Not so much. Also because my mechanics training came from my ex who managed to even install brake discs backwards and that was his most successful endeavor on a vehicle. I just started checking used vehicle prices any time I saw him under the hood. After the third vehicle I found that a six pack of beer and a call to any of a dozen alcoholic friends to drop by and share it with him usually distracted him long enough for me to hide the car till I could take to the shop the next day.

Much cheaper.

But the man could fish up a storm.

Johnny

[Guest ~DeeDee~]

That is so on an email chain across Texas now.

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Dee Jay:

Wahoo!

For decades, I changed my own oil and did most of those guy things you listed except for the DUI, thankfully! Actually, I was a pretty capable grease monkey for many years too! Thanks to the old man and his buddies for that (auto body men and mechanics).

These days, I pay the pros and boogie to the mall and shop!

Cynthia Rae's F-350 is the freaking Battle Star Galactica! Surely, it rocks the highway, like she says. Heck, I'm kinda scared of it ... * giggle * !

Peace Out, Dee Jay Lacey Ex-Grease_Monkey Lynne This Bud's for The Loyster

BELCH! Nah, that was in guy days ... not no mo' ... !

[Guest angels wings]

Love it gee u know how to make people smile Dee Jay

Hey I have a whole bottle of new oil if anyone wants it I don't have a car no more it blew up . Booooo to cars

[Guest amanda_s]

This is great LOL

made me laugh thanks DonnaJean

never costed me that much lol

Amanda

[JenniferB]

That was super funny Dee Jay.

Which reminds me I have to change my oil this weekend. I've been doing it for quite a few years now. I don't trust anyone changing the oil. The worst part is putting the new oil filter on. That can take forever. BTW I still have to think "righty tighty, lefty loosey".

Jenny

[KathrynJulia]

I used to change my own oil while we were impoverished. Soon as I figured out I really could do without the $5.00 I was saving out went the ramps, filter wrench, etc. But kept the beer. Some things just can't be replaced. Katheryn

[MackenzieB]

Dropping the drain plug into the oil? You betcha! That happened pretty much every time. And the wrench as well. And then I'd get lazy and not turn the oil in until I had about 20 gallon jugs of the stuff. Just to find out the limit was 5.