Advice for those who are not out, but want to be more feminine

[Guest mikacha]

Hey everyone

So after spending some time browsing through the teen posts, i have kinda noticed that time and time again that there are teenagers who are having trouble with being themselves. This ranges from either fear of parents to fear of school mates and i just wanted to create a short post to share some of the things i did in order to feel more like myself whilst i was at school and living with my parents and also offer up some other advice on certain styles that would help you to express your feminine self without having to ever utter the words "I am a transsexual" or "Mum, i am a girl/boy".

When i was at school like a couple of years ago, being a trans person was virtually unheard of (I grew up on The Isle of Man in the UK, is like 20 years behind the rest of the world in attitude) and if i was to be trans then i could pretty much guarantee that my day would consist of being bullied and assaulted!! . But like a lot of teens on here i was being driven pretty much around the bend because i was unable to be myself, i was unable to express myself as a really wished too. So i decided to start looking into various styles from the past to see if there was anything i could use or adopt that would allow me to be feminine but not give away the fact that i am trans.

My father was a punk and my mother was a new romantic, so i started with those two and immediately discovered (my father was a dressed down punk these days so i did not know that he used to be as extreme as he did) that the lines that divide gender in clothing and makeup immediately begin to blur with these two styles. There would be women who wore quite masculine trousers and tops with short hair and men who would wear long curled hair, makeup and tight fitted clothing.

I also discovered the gothic look, no i am not talking about the punk rip off you see today of baggy black jeans with chains all over them and a rock t shirt, i am talking about the fitted black trousers, silk shirts, red lipstick and purple and black eyeshadow. I also had influences from the likes of boy george who has spent his entire life and career looking like a woman. So with all this in mind i thought to myself, "Okies, i can't be that extreme with it so how can i use these styles and create something that is feminine but does not say "I am gay" or "I am transsexual".

I decided on this for school (we had to wear uniform, urgh how annoying) :

Girls black slightly fitted trousers.

PLAIN girls bouse with no design or anything just plain white

Girls work boots (look just like boys work boots but as they are female made it helps)

Knee length girls THIN black material coat

Eyeliner just across my upper lid and on my lower tear line.

My hair was already neck length so i would just simply straighten it first thing before school and either side part it or centre part it.

I would then take influence from the Gothic style and maybe add a few cross neklaces and wrist bands and paint my nails black.

The beauty of this is everyone just thought that i was gothic, ok i recieved the occasional comment (as is expected from at least one person in a school environment) but i was able to express myself as who i am and yet still remain hidden.

Outside of school i took a similar approach. I would wear girls black jeans, with the same boots and same coat and maybe a silk shirt underneath.

The best part about these styles is they allow you to be as girly or as feminine as you wish to be, without anyone ever thinking that you want to change your sex to match your gender .

I decided mainly on a gothic influence but there are a variety of styles of which you can choose from such as -

Punk

New Wave

Goth (80s/traiditional styles, not the new punk rip off you see today)

New Romantic

Emo

All of these allow both girls and boys to be as masculine or as feminine as you could ever wish to be. The best best best best part, is your parents will just see you as going through some "stage". Ok, i know that some of you are screamng out to tell your parents but are fearful of their reactions soooooo maybe this is the best road for you to go down for the time being. Is it not better to be able to express yourself in this way than risk the stress of an unhappy homelife? or some of the worse reactions i have heard of from un accepting parents.

One thing i would cover is how i managed at 15, to be able to afford to do all of this. It is simple , i found myself a part time job. Ok, the pay is not great at like 15 but still, it enabled me to afford some of the items i wanted and the rest of what i had...........i owe to the school's lost and found .

Sorry if this is not particularly well written, i am in bed at this moment very very ill and have been unable to eat all day so my brain functions are not quite as they should be . But i hope you get the jist of what i am trying to say, as much as it is stressfull that we have to live with this on a daily basis, and in some cases we can not tell our parents or are too fearful because of their reactions or school etc, we can express ourselves in other ways and can make the best of what we have by just using that little bit of creativity and innovation that we all have lurking around in our brain somewhere.

Really, even though you feel like 18 is sooo far away, It really is not and before you know it you will be able to move out of home and be whoever you wish to be in the world and no one will be able to tell you otherwise because it will be YOUR life and if you think you are going to get a bad rap if you like from your parents or school mates then maybe take up on the advice i offer above and start looking into certain styles that allow you to express your feminine side but retain the view from others that you are not trans or gay and are as they think you should be (for the time being).

I hope what i have written helps you in expressing yourself, because we all deserve to be whoever we want to be. It is just unfortunte that in some cases we are unable to express that so willingly.

Loves and Hugs

Amy xx

Edited May 3, 2012 by MaryEllen
Removed from Teen forum. Only teens to age 24 or moderators may start topics in the Teen forum

[Guest Holly S]

Thank you for making this Unfortunately I can't really use anything here, as my school right now has a VERY strict dress code and next school year I will be full time (YEEP), but I know that it will be great for lots of us here.

Oh, and I hope you get well soon

Hugs,

Holly

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Very good information

Lizzy

[Guest winterangel]

Although this information is of little use (perhaps per se) to me personally, it could be of much more use to some of the other teenagers on here. Thanks for sharing, Amy.